Top 100 Shelly Laurenston Quotes
#1. No more Karaoke for you!
Jessica
Apologize or your out!
But ... but you love me!
And we'll learn to live without you, too. unless you apologize.
Shelly Laurenston
#2. It was informational. About how to perform oral sex on men. You know, one man teaching another. It was really fascinating and I've always wondered about the techniques he discussed - ow. Ow! You're squeezing a little hard, Van Holtz."
...
"Well, if you're willing to be my test subject - ack!
Shelly Laurenston
#3. Dear God in heaven."
Nik and Ban turned away, but Alek stood. Transfixed. "My God, y'all. She's the worst goddamn dancer I've ever seen."
"Turn away. It'll hurt your eyes. Turn away!
Shelly Laurenston
#4. I invited this old buddy of mine over for dinner. He's president of the United States of America, and he's bringing about three hundred people with him, but no problem, I'm sure we have something in the freezer.
Shelly Laurenston
#5. Now listen up, you Navy-loving son of a bitch! If my friend wants that bear, she's gonna get that bear. And neither hell nor you nor some big-haired, twenty-hour-sleeping king of the idiots is gonna stop me from making sure she gets that bear!
Shelly Laurenston
#6. It simply dazzled her how he went from goofy bear, rolling on his back and playing with his toes, and right into sexy-beyond-belief Jersey grizzly who'd worked her body like a love god.
Shelly Laurenston
#7. She'd never call Smith males "womanizers." Although she would call them whores.
Shelly Laurenston
#8. We're a 'we' now?" "I thought I made that clear the other night when I tied you face down to the bed and fucked ya proper
Shelly Laurenston
#9. How do you get rational, well-respected people involved in your insanity? I mean is it something you taught yourself to do or is it part of your sociopathic nature?
Shelly Laurenston
#10. So what's going on?" Livy asked after spitting out a bit more blood.
"Got a job for you."
"Will I be whoring?"
"Not this time. I'm sorry."
"You know how I love to whore," Livy stated with that flat tone that freaked people out, because no one ever knew whether she was joking or not.
Shelly Laurenston
#13. I'm a whore!"
Miki hit the brakes ... her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"
Sara let out a strangled squeal ...
Shelly Laurenston
#14. Gee, is that my broken heart lying on the floor? Yes. Yes, it is.
Shelly Laurenston
#15. Dez kissed his cheek and hissed in his ear, "You say a word - they won't find your body for months." Wolves were a smart breed and always knew when a predator meaner than them was near.
Shelly Laurenston
#18. True, but now you've got Bren. Think of it like an extra pair of thermal underwear. Sometimes you're in a situation when you really need two."
Ronnie started to sip her hot chocolate but stopped and put her cup back down. "Darlin', that is one of the dumbest analogies I've heard in a long time.
Shelly Laurenston
#19. Mitch stood. "How is this my fault? I'm not the one with the pussy that drains the life from a man!"
"And i'm not the one hung like an overendowed donkey
Shelly Laurenston
#20. Why couldn't she get the man out of her mind? Because he reminded you what that hole between your legs is really for.
Shelly Laurenston
#21. Good." She seemed relieved, "They're here." She stood up and
walked to the front of the parking lot just as four beautiful, tricked-out Choppers, all manned by women, pulled in and halted next to the girl.
"Check it out." Angelina elbowed her friends, "Lesbians. In Texas .
Shelly Laurenston
#22. The ref blew the whistle and the pack took off. The "jostling" from earlier had turned into a "melee" Sun Tzu would have been afraid of.
Shelly Laurenston
#23. What did the cat look like?"
"I don't know. He was a little thing. Tiny. Lion ... I think. You know, the breed with all the hair."
"Tiny. Right. The world is filled with tiny lion males.
Shelly Laurenston
#24. Maybe if you'd worn a shirt - "
"They said they didn't have a shirt!"
"Then I have nothing for you, my friend. You're trapped. I, however - "
"Take one step away from me, you Mr. Darcy wannabe, and I'll snap your spine.
Shelly Laurenston
#25. Now let's go into this pharmacy and get you some god-damn tampons. My treat!
Shelly Laurenston
#26. If he didn't have Ronnie already in his arms he'd have assumed she'd just opened the door ... and aged a few years. Wow, he thought in surprise, she's going to be hot when we hit fifty.
Shelly Laurenston
#27. Gwen stopped putting her money in the bag. "You're giving your father a picture of a door for his birthday?" And she'd thought Mitch marking up pages in her copy of Vogue and telling her, "This is what I'd get you for your birthday if I had money" had been cheap.
Shelly Laurenston
#28. It's just taking some getting used to. The snarling, the hissing, the purring. Then I have to deal with it from the baby ... ."
"Ha, ha," Mace stated dryly.
Shelly Laurenston
#29. You didn't do anything. But I won't let anyone talk to you like that.. I don't care who they are."
"You ready to fight the whole town then, darlin'?"
She pursed her lips and said without even a bit of hesitation, "If I have to.
Shelly Laurenston
#30. Sorry!" the She-dogs yelled from the other side. "We're closed!
Shelly Laurenston
#31. She needed to say something sexy and romantic with a mere hint of her vast intelligence. Something that would entice him into bed.
But what came out was, "I wanna fuck."
-Miki Kendrick
Shelly Laurenston
#33. You do. And I have the sweetest, most cuddliest, most adorable bear ever.
Shelly Laurenston
#34. Her eyes grew wide and she briefly covered her mouth with her hand.
"Are you a virgin?" she whispered.
"What? No!"
"But when do you find time with that rigid schedule of yours? I mean prisoners at Rikers have more freedom!
Shelly Laurenston
#35. Mitch opened his eyes, closed them, and then opened them wide. "There are big breasts in my face," he announced to anyone who would listen.
Shelly Laurenston
#36. Conall checked his watch. Again. Soon his personal wet fantasy would be here. He wondered if it would be inappropriate to tackle her in the hallway as soon as she arrived and drag her up to his bedroom. Probably. Damn human etiquette.
Shelly Laurenston
#37. Wow. Look at the lines in your face, Missy. It's like your bitterness just dug in and stayed.
Shelly Laurenston
#38. You do things just to irritate me, don't you?"
Smiling, enjoying himself immensely, and determined to give her a wonderful and relaxing weekend, Van pushed Irene's wet hair from her face. "Don't be silly, doc." He kissed her lips, nuzzled her chin. "Of course I do things just to irritate you.
Shelly Laurenston
#40. He's jealous of you."
"Is that right?"
"Of course! Because no matter what he does, when he puts on your shorts and one of your bras, he never looks as cute in them as you do.
Shelly Laurenston
#41. Oh, come on, Jess!" May begged. "Just let me sit in it."
"No! It's mine!" Jess rested her head against Lock's shoulder. "All mine. My throne of power. By this chair I rule.
Shelly Laurenston
#42. He tried to make me wear a suit."
"Why?" Sissy asked dryly. "Are you planning on going to a funeral after our date?
Shelly Laurenston
#43. I never knew she liked country music," Smitty said in awe.
Yeah, that must make her prime mate material for a Smith. She'll fit right in at one of your hootenannies."
-Mitch to Smitty
Shelly Laurenston
#44. Like all the Van Holtz males, Ric was tall, well-built with a slightly overdeveloped diver's body, and handsome. Yet handsome was only the first stop on the beauty train for Ric, who managed to head all the way into the station for The Land of Gorgeous.
Shelly Laurenston
#45. He mockingly gave her the raised eyebrow back. "You never gave me an answer."
"Yeah. I did. In fact, my exact words were 'no'."
"Yes, but I've chosen to ignore that until I hear what I want.
Shelly Laurenston
#46. Because Patty Anne can't handle living on her own. She can barely handle not setting herself on fire when she makes soda bread. My Gwenie doesn't have that problem."
"Because she hates soda bread?
Shelly Laurenston
#47. I'm sorry ... what?" "For they are the Crows," he intoned solemnly, "and they are the harbingers of death.
Shelly Laurenston
#49. Look, I've got her, I'm carrying her, and I'm taking her to the hospital. So you can back off and let me do what I'm going to do, or you can get your ass kicked and I'm still going to do what I'm going to do. Your choice.
Shelly Laurenston
#50. Yeah, that sure was Mace Llewellyn staring at her from the other side of her desk. Just staring. Like he used to. Like he knew where she'd buried the bodies of all her goldfish after their unfortunate "accidents" or what she did with her sisters' toothbrushes on more than one occasion.
Shelly Laurenston
#51. If I were you, I wouldn't try and track her down."
"Why not?"
"Because when it comes to Dee, you're better off not knowing where she's going or what she's up to. You'll only have to lie to the authorities later.
Shelly Laurenston
#53. Because isn't that what the holidays are all about - letting your family make you wish you were an orphan?
Shelly Laurenston
#54. Fine! Do whatever you want. And when you get fleas, don't come complaining to me.
Shelly Laurenston
#55. Smitty leaned forward, resting his arms on this raised knees. "I am fixin' to get mad, Jessie.
"You're fixin' to get mad?"
"Yeah."
"Why don't you just get mad?"
"I'm not there yet. But I will be if you don't start talking to me."
Smitty to Jessie Ann
Shelly Laurenston
#56. Why was she sitting in a tree?"
"She was hiding from the organ thieves."
Ric blinked. "Sorry?"
"Do you really want me to explain it?"
"Not particularly.
Shelly Laurenston
#57. Either Mitch goes with me ... or get used to finding your wife hiding in trees."
"That's just mean."
"I'm a Smith. What did you expect?"
"Good point.
Shelly Laurenston
#58. Now how about waffles for breakfast? Or is too late for breakfast?"
Mitch rested back in his chair. "Maybe too late for breakfast, but it's never too late for waffles.
Shelly Laurenston
#60. No, he wasn't letting Dez MacDermot get away. He'd take her down like his ancestors took down full-grown zebra.
Shelly Laurenston
#61. You're like seven feet tall, aren't you?"
"I am not seven feet tall," he snapped at her as if she'd really insulted him. "I'm six-eleven." When she smirked in disbelief, he added, "And three-quarters.
Shelly Laurenston
#62. Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.
Shelly Laurenston
#63. Whispering against her ear, he confessed, "When I'm really stressed out ... I play with my toes."
Gwen leaned back a bit and stared at him. "Seriously?"
"It's really relaxing and very bearlike."
And very weird. And yet ... "I'm oddly comforted by this information.
Shelly Laurenston
#64. Miki burst into laughter while Angelina looked validly concerned. "Sara, honey, you've got to let your toy go."
"Hey!" Zach snapped.
Shelly Laurenston
#65. Gwen hates me," she reminded him.
"Don't be narcissistic. She hates everyone.
Shelly Laurenston
#66. Don't fret none, darlin'. I got your back."
"You said that in Budapest. I still have the scars, too.
Shelly Laurenston
#67. Brendon's big hands slid under her skirt and took hold of the plain white cotton panties she had to dig through her entire suitcase to find.
Shelly Laurenston
#69. Do you really think I'd let anything happen to you? That I'd let anyone hurt you? After everything I've done today to keep you breathing?
Shelly Laurenston
#70. Can I come ? " Blayne asked.
"No you'll wander the aisles and want to buy things that aren't needed for this process. But I will pick you up a couple of those giant butterfingers that they sell at the cash register."
Blayne grinned "Okay !
Shelly Laurenston
#71. Van Holtz, you bastard! You're doing this on purp ... on ... oh! That feels very nice. Do that again.
Shelly Laurenston
#72. Good God, woman. Hit the brakes on the freight train that is your mouth.
Shelly Laurenston
#73. She pushes you because she wants you to be the best."
"The best at what? Matricide?
Shelly Laurenston
#74. Your sense of humor is not for everyone, but I have to say it's growing on me. Like an out-of-control fungus.
Shelly Laurenston
#75. Miki took her hands away from her ears. "Yup. I'm a very good girl."
Craig grimaced. "Don't say that."
"Why?"
"Because to guys it just means you swallow.
Shelly Laurenston
#76. Vig walked back to his truck. That's when Stieg drily asked, "Do you need another minute to blush coquettishly and dream about your perfect white wedding?"
As Vig walked around the front of his vehicle, he grabbed Stieg by the hair and slammed him face-first into the hood.
Shelly Laurenston
#77. The husband got in front of his wife but Gwen never understood the whole waiting-for-a-guy-to-protect-you thing. She was a runner and hopefully the guy could keep up.
Shelly Laurenston
#78. I swear, Bobby Ray, you don't have the sense the Lord gave a rabbit.
Shelly Laurenston
#79. He growled. Really, how attached could Smitty be to his sister? Would he really notice if Mace killed her?
Shelly Laurenston
#80. You can't be hungry."
"You keep saying that like you expect my answer to change.
Shelly Laurenston
#81. Surprisingly, Gwendolyn, I have more important things to do with my time, like put bamboo shoots under my nails or drill holes in all my teeth.
Shelly Laurenston
#82. Ronnie offered, "I don't want my life to pass me by."
Filling Ronnie's glass again, Sissy promised, "It won't."
"It's already started. It's whizzing by like a freight train.
Shelly Laurenston
#83. He didn't expect that question to send her tripping over her own two feet and flying into the bookstore's erotica section he'd followed her to. Luckily he had fast hands and caught her before her head could make contact with the Kama Sutra.
Shelly Laurenston
#84. Got any brothers or sisters?"
"No."
"Not a real chatty gal, are ya?"
"Exactly how am I supposed to expand on not having siblings? Should I cry?"
He smiled as he held up a bottle, "Wine?
Shelly Laurenston
#87. What? Sammy Ray yelled back. It was like the Smith family had only one volume level.
Shelly Laurenston
#89. I have iced tea, dear. Or beer?"
"Maybe a saucer of milk?"
Gwen and Alla looked over at Lock and he immediately pointed at his father. "It was him," he lied.
Shelly Laurenston
#90. You're not going to kill me, skin me, and wear my head as a hat?
Shelly Laurenston
#91. Hey, hey!" Gwen said excitedly. "Look at this! Look at this!" She extended her arm and gave him the finger.
Shelly Laurenston
#92. Isn't it enough you have poor Mitch here playing against bears?"
They all looked at "poor Mitch," who seemed to be having the equivalent of an orgasm eating that slice of cherry pie.
Shelly Laurenston
#93. I live for hatred," the boy replied. "It rejuvenates my creative fire.
Shelly Laurenston
#94. So, hoss. Have you actually told her you're in love with her?"
"She won't let me. When I tried, she threw me down a flight of stairs."
"And you're not concerned about that?"
"There weren't that many steps.
Shelly Laurenston
#95. His mother had often told Lock that he was much too polite to ever be a true intellectual.
Shelly Laurenston
#97. Do you want to come inside for a drink?" she softly offered.
"No. No. No, no, no, no. No."
Gwen stared at him. "One 'no' would have been clear."
"Those 'no's' weren't for you. They were for me. I was simply saying them out loud.
Shelly Laurenston
#98. Lessons? Oh no. I didn't need lessons." He glanced up and found her shaking her head in disgust at her own idiocy. "You see, Sissy said I wouldn't need lessons. 'You're a shifter,' she said. 'We can do anything,' she said.
Shelly Laurenston
#99. The cutest little girl with big blond curls turned and yelled, Mommmmmmm! Bearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Shelly Laurenston
#100. You couldn't handle being me." She swirled her forefingers around her head and admitted, "All that goes on inside this head at any given time ... would destroy you.
Shelly Laurenston
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