Richard Armour Quotes

#1. Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.

Richard Armour

#2. If only I kept my eye on the ball, Looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it was going, at all, But there might be a chance it would go there.

Richard Armour

#3. Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

Richard Armour

#4. How I love to get a letter! I can think of nothing better Than perusing an epistolary item. But deep is my despondence, For I've found that correspondence Means that if you want to get 'em, You must write 'em!

Richard Armour

#5. Rather than earn money, it was Thoreau's idea to reduce his wants so that he would not need to buy anything. As he went around preaching this ingenious idea, the shopkeepers of Concord hoped he would drop dead.

Richard Armour

#6. William Shakespeare ... was baptized on April 26, 1564. When he was born is disputed, but anyone who argues that it was after this date is just being difficult.

Richard Armour

#7. Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.

Richard Armour

#8. [John Foster Dulles] invented Brinkmanship, the most popular game since Monopoly.

Richard Armour

#9. I've suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone.

Richard Armour

#10. My day-old son is plenty scrawny, his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny; His ears seem larger than he's needing, His nose is flat, his chin's receding. His skin is very, very red, He has no hair upon his head, And yet I'm proud as proud can be, To hear you say he looks like me.

Richard Armour

#11. They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on

Richard Armour

#12. Dedicated to that amazing device, the Required Reading List, better even than artificial respiration for keeping dead authors alive.

Richard Armour

#13. Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

Richard Armour

#14. In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.

Richard Armour

#15. This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That's why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.

Richard Armour

#16. I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

Richard Armour

#17. Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get Exhausted from taking too many.

Richard Armour

#18. There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

Richard Armour

#19. Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so much attention that a husband and wife, concentrating on their children, fail to notice each other's faults.

Richard Armour

#20. It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.

Richard Armour

#21. G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.

Richard Armour

#22. Almost nothing is known about Homer, which explains why so much has been written about him.

Richard Armour

#23. If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?

Richard Armour

#24. Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.

Richard Armour

#25. I miss my mattress when I am gone; It's one thing I've made an impression on.

Richard Armour

#26. When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

Richard Armour

#27. A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

Richard Armour

#28. Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

Richard Armour

#29. Shake and shake the catsup bottle. None will come, and then a lot'll.

Richard Armour

#30. You would do well to turn from Chapter XXXVI to Chapter CXXXIII without further delay, thus saving nearly a hundred chapters without anybody's knowing the difference if you keep quiet. After all, Ahab isn't the only one entitled to be a skipper.

Richard Armour

#31. Middle -age is the time of life, that a man first notices - in his wife.

Richard Armour

#32. There is no balm of Gilead, No salve, no soothing ointment To stay the pain of one who's had In love a disappointment
Unless it be that healing lotion Of fixing on a new devotion.

Richard Armour

#33. [Beowolf] is considered an epic because of its long speeches, its digressions, its repetition, and its being required.

Richard Armour

#34. If we cannot define stupidity, at least we can trace most human misfortunes and weaknesses to it. Its manifestations are legion, its symptoms are endless.

Richard Armour

#35. Here is where people,
One frequently finds,
Lower their voices
And raise their minds.

Richard Armour

#36. Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

Richard Armour

#37. Scott calls Bois-Guilbert "an unprincipled voluptuary," which is hard to improve on.

Richard Armour

#38. If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

Richard Armour

#39. The author apologizes for being unable to afford a ghost writer, which explains the lack of a distinctive prose style.

Richard Armour

#40. "Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

Richard Armour

#41. Melville died in New York on September 28, 1891, blissfully unaware that, in the years to come, so many people would leave the hyphen out of Moby-Dick.

Richard Armour

#42. Each year it grows harder to make ends meet - the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

Richard Armour

#43. (Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.

Richard Armour

#44. The hand is quicker than the eye is,
but somewhat slower than the fly is.

Richard Armour

#45. There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

Richard Armour

#46. Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.

Richard Armour

#47. That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye

Richard Armour

#48. Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

Richard Armour

#49. Some libraries are no longer called libraries but are known as Learning Resource Centers or Media Centers. Librarians, however, are still generally known as librarians and not yet as Learning Resourcists or Media Centerists, though this may be only a matter of time.

Richard Armour

#50. The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

Richard Armour