Quotes About Swimming Funny

#1. I invited Onyx to be my plus one. Of course she was all in when I added that Grandma A had a massive swimming pool and was within a short driving distance to a two-story bookstore. - Author: K.R. Grace

#2. I went swimming the other day and my wife was watching and she said, 'You know, it's funny, it's when you've got no clothes on, no one recognizes you.' I said, 'What are you saying? That I should do more love scenes?' - Author: Eddie Marsan

#3. If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet? - Author: Steven Wright

#4. Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die. - Author: Jimmy Carr

#5. No, I say, it's fine.
Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains.
Just great, I say. Really. - Author: Chuck Palahniuk

#6. I must say, I find everything interesting. - Author: Miriam

#7. There is no distance so minute and yet so great as the distance between God and man. (The Lonesome God) - Author: Jonathan R. Walton

#8. All you need to know about plotting is twofold. 1. Give your characters goals. 2. Don't let them reach those goals. - Author: J.A. Konrath

#9. Cecelia turned her gaze away from the girls and looked at the shimmer blue of their kidney shaped swimming pool, with its powerful underwater light, the perfect symbol of suburban bliss, except for that strange intermit sound like a baby choking that was coming from the pool filter. - Author: Liane Moriarty

#10. Slightly surreal, so private, so obscure
That critics classify his work as 'pure'
Because, in digging through the endless chatter
They can't discern what is the subject matter... - Author: R.S. Gwynn

#11. The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it. - Author: Arthur Smith

#12. All right," Shannen says slowly, tucking a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Why did you glue that dolphin upside down?"
Okay, so I'm a little distracted. "He's doing the back stroke. - Author: Tera Lynn Childs

#13. We change into our bathing suits, both of us pale like larvae, and then we walk down to the water. - Author: Melissa Bank

#14. It's funny how much easier it is to see others' shortcomings and give advice when you're not personally involved, for it's almost impossible to see the light when you're swimming in shit. - Author: Isabel Lopez

#15. An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming. - Author: Conan O'Brien

#16. Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. - Author: Lewis Black

#17. I'm a terrible person. I should have stayed in college. I should have gone skydiving while I had the chance. I should have gone swimming with dolphins. I should have seen The Spice Girls perform on their reunion tour! - Author: Jillianne Hamilton

#18. P53-knowledge emerges only through invention and reinvention, the restless,impatient,continuing,hopeful inquiry beings pursue with the world and with others. - Author: Paulo Freire

#19. It's funny because I remember when I came to the U.S. with 'Swimming Pool,' the movie did well, and it was great box office for a French movie, but I remember I was a bit upset because all people talked to me about was the nudity. - Author: Ludivine Sagnier

#20. I swear on my children's lives that I never look at the statistics or look at beating anyone's records. All I do is look to improve but not compete against any record. I want to win trophies and score goals because that's my job as a forward. - Author: Luis Suarez

#21. Prison is not a place for humans. Period. It's just an animal house. - Author: Lil Boosie

#22. Jennie confirmed my suspicions that television advertising is directed mainly at people with the iq of a pongid - Author: Douglas Preston

#23. When a fat person goes in the water naked, would it still be called skinny-dipping? - Author: Anthony Liccione

#24. A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts. - Author: Craig Ferguson

#25. I'm one of those pesky Brits. - Author: Damian Lewis

#26. Admit it." "I loved you the second I put my eyes on you. It doesn't matter." "Let me love you back." "You have a life to live." "I have nothing. - Author: Pepper Winters

#27. I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle." - Author: Frank Carson

#28. We've taken bold action at home by making historic investments in renewable energy, by putting our people to work increasing efficiency in our homes and buildings, and by pursuing comprehensive legislation to transform to a clean energy economy. - Author: Barack Obama

#29. The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming event even though the race hadn't aired yet. NBC apologized saying, 'We're just not used to people watching our network.' - Author: Conan O'Brien