Me Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 100 famous quotes and sayings about me funny to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 100 Quotes About Me Funny

#1. Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. - Author: Steven Wright
Quotes About Me Funny #372
#2. I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys goes into his trailer, and then people move the stairs, and he comes out of his trailer, and there's no stairs. That's not funny! I don't want to be that guy! - Author: Terry Crews
Quotes About Me Funny #2310
#3. Growing up my mother used to tell me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Funny how I always wanted to be me. - Author: Leona Keyoko Pink
Quotes About Me Funny #3099
#4. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go. - Author: Kendall Ryan
Quotes About Me Funny #3529
#5. You realize you've been staring at me for the past five minutes? - Author: Catherine Doyle
Quotes About Me Funny #5369
#6. How does one conquer fear, Don B.?" "One takes a frog and sews it to one's shoe," he said. "The left or the right?" Don B. gave me a pitying look. "Well, you'd look mighty funny going down the street with only one frog sewed to your shoes, wouldn't you?" he said. "One frog on each shoe. - Author: Donald Barthelme
Quotes About Me Funny #7432
#7. I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it. - Author: Ian MacKaye
Quotes About Me Funny #8682
#8. Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool. - Author: Britney Spears
Quotes About Me Funny #9149
#9. I have a rule: I prefer anyone who doesn't try to kill me to anyone who does. I'm funny that way. - Author: China Mieville
Quotes About Me Funny #9510
#10. It's funny. I thought she'd live through anything."
Charlie said, "Me too. I figured even if there was a nuclear war, it would still leave radioactive cockroaches and your mum. - Author: Neil Gaiman
Quotes About Me Funny #10504
#11. The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock. - Author: Billy Corgan
Quotes About Me Funny #11487
#12. She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is. - Author: Margaret Watson
Quotes About Me Funny #12514
#13. I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker. - Author: Jeannine Garsee
Quotes About Me Funny #12707
#14. I think I'm one of those guys who was sort of always in comedy. I thought of myself - and other people seemed to think of me - as funny from a very young age. I was a very young comedy nerd and I even did sketch comedy in high school and college. I wrote and shot sketches on video and acted in them. - Author: Andy Daly
Quotes About Me Funny #13468
#15. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Author: Zsa Zsa Gabor
Quotes About Me Funny #15171
#16. When I was a kid I had this funny blonde hair and everyone called me 'Chick' because I looked like Tweety Bird. - Author: Nicky Hilton
Quotes About Me Funny #15542
#17. You've brushed your teeth," He says, staring at me.
"I used your toothbrush."
His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you? - Author: E.L. James
Quotes About Me Funny #15796
#18. There were girls at school whose families grew to a robust five or six. There were girls with seven or eight-which was thought a little enthusiastic - and then there were the pathetic ones like me, who had parents that were just helpless to it, and bred as naturally as they might shit. - Author: Anne Enright
Quotes About Me Funny #16525
#19. Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?"
I dropped my pick. "Do you always shop at Hot Topic? - Author: Tara Kelly
Quotes About Me Funny #18004
#20. The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill. - Author: Cuthbert Soup
Quotes About Me Funny #18266
#21. I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty? - Author: John Layfield
Quotes About Me Funny #18705
#22. I'd love to do a film with Mariah. But it would have to be a comedy. She's the funniest woman in the world, she just cracks me up all the time. - Author: Nick Cannon
Quotes About Me Funny #18920
#23. 15 Step is about how if you have mental illness and try to dance you look very funny. Whenever you see me dancing on stage, I'm imitating the mentally ill. - Author: Thom Yorke
Quotes About Me Funny #21358
#24. People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and that's not the case. - Author: Christopher Guest
Quotes About Me Funny #21703
#25. The mother I'm completely over but the daughter I love to death. The mother I'd like to love to death." "Heh." "Don't do me any favors; only laugh if it's funny." "It is! - Author: Ned Vizzini
Quotes About Me Funny #22041
#26. Rule number four for me as a writer? Plotlines are like sharks: They either keep moving or they die. ~J.R. Ward - Author: J.R. Ward
Quotes About Me Funny #23124
#27. You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me. - Author: Chevy Chase
Quotes About Me Funny #23551
#28. Honey, what's the Detective doing here?"

"Tag, you never told me Wayne was so funny!"


"That's me. Most detectives also have first names. - Author: Jules Cassard
Quotes About Me Funny #24231
#29. It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all. - Author: Idina Menzel
Quotes About Me Funny #25184
#30. Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth. - Author: Stephen Baldwin
Quotes About Me Funny #25280
#31. People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose, take after take - that's why I said for me it was new territory, and so by improvising something might come out that might be good. And it's film, so they can cut it if it isn't. - Author: Denzel Washington
Quotes About Me Funny #25596
#32. That's funny. I've always liked Naomi's version of me the best. I'm always much more interesting when she talks about me. - Author: Rachel Cohn
Quotes About Me Funny #26066
#33. People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist ... how do we fix Africa?' - Author: Bo Burnham
Quotes About Me Funny #26607
#34. My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf." - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Quotes About Me Funny #27820
#35. Every time I'm in Canada I feel more Swedish, and every time I'm in Sweden I feel more Canadian. I belong in both places and I love them both equally. It's funny because the Swedes claim me as their Swedish pride and the Canadians call me their Canadian girl. I'll take it all. - Author: Malin Akerman
Quotes About Me Funny #28175
#36. If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Quotes About Me Funny #28528
#37. I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark ... ' - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
Quotes About Me Funny #28967
#38. Speaking of ... does this mean you get your phone back?" I shrug. "I don't really want that phone back. I'm hoping my whipped boyfriend will get me an iPhone for Christmas. - Author: Colleen Hoover
Quotes About Me Funny #29601
#39. I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder. - Author: Brittany Snow
Quotes About Me Funny #30918
#40. You ... you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it."
"I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."
And then he took me to the bed. - Author: Richelle Mead
Quotes About Me Funny #31431
#41. My father was funnier than me. My father was Richard Pryor-funny. I'm just a better businessman. - Author: Tracy Morgan
Quotes About Me Funny #32031
#42. I try not to laugh at the fact that even when she's drunk, she has a hard time saying it. "Where do you want me to take you?" She drops her head back against my chest. "You can just keep carrying me. It's very relaxing. - Author: Jessica Sorensen
Quotes About Me Funny #33511
#43. When I play discos in Belfast or freshers' week in Oxford, there are 1,800 kids dressed as me. It's odd, it's funny, and it pays really well. - Author: David Hasselhoff
Quotes About Me Funny #34299
#44. What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating. - Author: Scott Hamilton
Quotes About Me Funny #36355
#45. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' - Author: Claude Pepper
Quotes About Me Funny #37033
#46. Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda) - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Quotes About Me Funny #38436
#47. This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. - Author: John Swartzwelder
Quotes About Me Funny #40424
#48. I hate people who cry around me. I'm not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It's like, 'Shut up.' - Author: Robert Pattinson
Quotes About Me Funny #40606
#49. Think your mother will let me drive you to school tomorrow? Now that we're all friends and united by a belief in the careful use of contraception?"
My cheeks burn, the memory of my mother's mortifying behavior distracting me for a moment. "Yes," I mumble. "I think so. - Author: Stacey Jay
Quotes About Me Funny #40966
#50. That's not what he meant," Rachel says again, pink flushing her cheeks.
"Actually, I meant-" I start to say, but Willow cuts me off.
"What? It's true. He looks at you like he'd like to dip you in sugar and eat you up. - Author: C.J. Redwine
Quotes About Me Funny #41291
#51. Nobody calls me 'blondie' and keeps their kneecaps. - Author: Cassandra Clare
Quotes About Me Funny #42107
#52. My wife's a loving, funny, Irish-spirited person, and I'm still surprised at some of the things she says. She makes me laugh every day. - Author: Gary Sinise
Quotes About Me Funny #43250
#53. Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there's something in there that'll make you laugh. - Author: Kevin Hart
Quotes About Me Funny #43382
#54. Forgive me ... I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel. - Author: Lloyd Alexander
Quotes About Me Funny #43718
#55. Sometimes when Sam's pretending to be in love with me, my stomach does funny things."
"Well, get some milk of magnesia and stop it. - Author: Libba Bray
Quotes About Me Funny #44982
#56. My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
Quotes About Me Funny #45309
#57. There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. - Author: Margot Robbie
Quotes About Me Funny #45618
#58. Mrs. Plutarski is such a pill to me. You'd think I
routinely crapped on the altar, the way she treats me. - Author: Kristan Higgins
Quotes About Me Funny #46015
#59. I cannot give it to you, so try to watch me. - Author: Eugene Ormandy
Quotes About Me Funny #49261
#60. In all my movies, there's always a kind of heartfelt element, to be able to do a drama and to be able to spend more time in the emotional stuff with no pressure to get back to the funny that's very liberating for me. - Author: Shawn Levy
Quotes About Me Funny #49639
#61. It's not funny anymore...", did you heard your self, you are entering a position called, "I wanna be a victim..., please take me". - Author: Deyth Banger
Quotes About Me Funny #49996
#62. Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I'm never sure who's going to kill me first. - Author: Michael W. Grimard
Quotes About Me Funny #50087
#63. Dress like Britney Spears and think like me, and everything will be fine. - Author: Madonna Ciccone
Quotes About Me Funny #51215
#64. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. - Author: Andrea Fay Friedman
Quotes About Me Funny #51244
#65. You can film me 24 hours a day and you'll get a very accurate picture of who I am. You see the funny side, I work hard, and I try to be honest and just call it how it is. - Author: Lisa Vanderpump
Quotes About Me Funny #51823
#66. even opened the box?" She parked her fists on her trim little hips. "I have had a very bad day." "Well, so have I." He grinned. "But you just made me laugh, so it's starting to improve." She gave him a glare. "I don't find this funny." He raised the can - Author: Shirley Jump
Quotes About Me Funny #52348
#67. I've been blessed to have done different roles, but I don't think people see me as funny. - Author: Dustin Diamond
Quotes About Me Funny #52406
#68. I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me. - Author: Paul Lynde
Quotes About Me Funny #52593
#69. Children frighten me. I mean, I appreciate them on a cute aesthetic level, but they're very demanding and unreasonable creatures and often smell funny. - Author: Rachel Cohn
Quotes About Me Funny #54431
#70. You know, I've always wrote my best stuff when it takes me hardly any time at all. Actually I wrote ... this is actually a really funny story ... 'Ghost Of Vincent Price', I've been wanting to write a song about Vincent Price coz he's one of my favorite characters of all time. - Author: Wednesday 13
Quotes About Me Funny #55037
#71. It's funny to think that Anson and I were here, in this same place, together all that time ago, and now here we are again. It makes me feel good, makes me feel that perhaps everything doesn't just disappear, that some things are circling back, taking the long way, but circling back towards me. - Author: Helen Humphreys
Quotes About Me Funny #55237
#72. Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough? - Author: Murray Walker
Quotes About Me Funny #55558
#73. Noctis ... this is a little embarrassing, but ... your male anatomy is bothering me. - Author: Dahlia L. Summers
Quotes About Me Funny #55605
#74. Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly."
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Super-strength?"
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Hold on a second ... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?! - Author: Geoff Johns
Quotes About Me Funny #55845
#75. Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. - Author: Judy Blume
Quotes About Me Funny #55986
#76. My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate. - Author: Chelsea Handler
Quotes About Me Funny #56066
#77. I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny - and I did it! - Author: Izabel Goulart
Quotes About Me Funny #60571
#78. I love it when you talk clean to me, quoting training manuals like sonnets. - Author: Amanda Hocking
Quotes About Me Funny #63009
#79. I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun! - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
Quotes About Me Funny #64301
#80. Not intending to be funny: I sit at the keyboard, put my fingers on the keys and go. To me, it's the real secret of writing. Put yourself in front of the screen or the blank sheet of paper and get to work. - Author: Robin Hobb
Quotes About Me Funny #64564
#81. It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others. - Author: Mike Birbiglia
Quotes About Me Funny #64917
#82. Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny. - Author: Alan King
Quotes About Me Funny #66382
#83. I'm considering whether or not to believe you. I need to run an algorithm on this."
"That's not funny."
"You might be trying to trick me into sleeping with you. - Author: Jessica Park
Quotes About Me Funny #66442
#84. Commend me to the cardinal,' said Milady. 'Commend me to Satan,' replied Rochefort. - Author: Alexandre Dumas
Quotes About Me Funny #66449
#85. A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah." - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Quotes About Me Funny #68750
#86. You don't like Blue, do you?"
"No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject.
"I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over. - Author: Sarah Cross
Quotes About Me Funny #69225
#87. Well sue me for staring. I'd be willing to scrub away my shame on his washboard abs. - Author: Tia Giacalone
Quotes About Me Funny #70184
#88. You're a goddam funny kid, Clivey," he said. "I got sixteen grandchildren, and there's only two of em that I think is gonna amount to duckshit, and you ain't one of em - although you're on the runner-up list - but you're the only one that can make me laugh until my balls ache. - Author: Stephen King
Quotes About Me Funny #72003
#89. I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me. - Author: Andy Weir
Quotes About Me Funny #72885
#90. Will you go out with me for a cup of coffee?" "No." "No?" "I prefer tea, thank you. - Author: Padma Venkatraman
Quotes About Me Funny #74057
#91. Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle. - Author: Jim Gaffigan
Quotes About Me Funny #74562
#92. It's funny: I spend time in the book criticizing social media, but I'm also aware that a lot of my success is because of social media. I can broadcast myself and my work to thousands of people that are following me or my friends. I do think that social media can be good for self-promotion. - Author: Kim Stolz
Quotes About Me Funny #74762
#93. What is about Army uniforms? Especially combats. They are just drool-worthy, if you ask me. - Author: Aditi Mathur Kumar
Quotes About Me Funny #75549
#94. You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?"
"Only a man would think of that.
It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will. - Author: Terry Pratchett
Quotes About Me Funny #75581
#95. Clearly here was someone, like me, who tended to stumble through life and managed to see the funny side of situations. Someone who, like me, was fairly shy, yet not averse to expressing his opinions; someone who unlike me had a developed sense of his own worth and had the effrontery to convey it. - Author: Jane Hawking
Quotes About Me Funny #75775
#96. Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. - Author: Erica Jong
Quotes About Me Funny #76783
#97. I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum! - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
Quotes About Me Funny #77896
#98. You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ... ? I wonder what I was blushing about? - Author: Gracie Allen
Quotes About Me Funny #77991
#99. I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! - Author: Zach Galifianakis
Quotes About Me Funny #78417
#100. I flipped the good doctor the bird.
Snorting, Gideon caught my hand and pulled me back down the hall.
"What is it with you and giving people the finger?"
"What? It's a classic. - Author: Sylvia Day
Quotes About Me Funny #79884

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