Top 100 Quotes About Katja
#1. So let's pretend. One night. We'll go out and pretend we're normal.
Katja Millay
#2. These days I'm missing everything. I'm haunted by music; music I can hear, but never play again. Melodies that taunt me note by note, mocking me with the simple fact that they exist.
Katja Millay
#3. I'd also believe that all teenage boys go around calling girls baby, because apparently that's the express train to romance.
Katja Millay
#4. How is it that with everything that's happened in my life, this girl is going to be the thing that undoes me?
Katja Millay
#5. My mother's voice. It's the first thing I remember after I opened my eyes. My beautiful girl. You came back to us. But she was wrong.
Katja Millay
#6. People who have never been through any sort of shit always assume that they know how you should react to having your life destroyed. And the people who have been through shit think you're suppose to deal with it the exact same way they did. As if there's a playbook for surviving hell.
Katja Millay
#7. And maybe I'm a liar and I do need it, because being kissed by Josh Bennet is kind of like being saved. It's a promise and a memory of the future and a book of better stories.
Katja Millay
#8. Nothing else matters. If I had a penny right now I'd wish that were true; I want to believe it more than I've ever wanted to believe anything.
Katja Millay
#9. But she's my tangent girl and I'll follow her if this is where she wants to go.
Katja Millay
#10. It's all my fault! Everything is my fault and no one knows it more than me. We're all in hell and I'm the one that put us here.
Katja Millay
#11. I shrug. I'm an excellent shrugger. It's rivaled only by my ability to nod.
Katja Millay
#12. Do real boys actually call girls baby? I don't have enough experience to know. I do know that if a guy ever called me baby, I'd probably laugh in his face. Or choke him.
Katja Millay
#13. It's probably a class for guidance counselors only - How to Emit Inappropriate Joy in the Face of Adolescent Horror. I'm fairly certain they don't make teachers take it, because they don't even bother to pretend.
Katja Millay
#14. Like the glass I've been looking through is coated in the dust of my own perception and I haven't seen what's real.
Katja Millay
#15. It's a chair. Stop overanalyzing it. I'm not selling it and I'm not giving it to someone else. I made it for you. It's yours.
Katja Millay
#16. Then one day I guess my mind decided I was ready, because that was the day I remembered everything and then I stopped answering the questions altogether. I think maybe my brain made a mistake about how strong I was, but it didn't let me send the memories back.
Katja Millay
#17. And if there is any part of my heart left to break, it breaks with his confusion.
Katja Millay
#18. There's something about knowing that I broke my father's heart that makes me hate myself a little more than I already do.
Katja Millay
#19. Everybody needs dreams to survive. But dreams need dreamers, and ever since you dared to wake up, I wasn't able to fall asleep again.
Katja Michael
#20. It's a little bit devastating being surrounded by people who can do what you can't anymore. People who create. People whose souls don't live in their bodies anymore because they've leached so much of themselves into their work.
Katja Millay
#21. Just so you know," I inform him, "one day, I'm going to get tired of sharing your affection with that coffee table and I'm going to make you choose." "Just so you know," he mimics me, "I would chop that table up and use it for firewood before I would ever choose anything over you.
Katja Millay
#22. Everyone wants to fix me. My
parents want to fix me. My brother wants
to fix me. My therapists want to fix me.
You're supposed to be the person who
doesn't want to fix me.
Katja Millay
#23. Maybe I can save her right now, in this moment, and if I can do that, maybe it will save me and maybe that can be enough.
Katja Millay
#25. Your name could mean to excel and you could be useless and crap at everything. You can put a name on anything, call it whatever you want, doesn't make it real. Doesn't make it true.
Katja Millay
#26. Dying really isn't so bad after you've done it once. And I have. I'm not afraid of death anymore. I'm afraid of everything else.
Katja Millay
#27. It is difficult to move on when your surroundings stay the same.
Katja Michael
#28. But you can only go so long being angry before you learn to hate.
Katja Millay
#30. Some people have problems and you need to learn to empathize, not judge.
Katja Millay
#31. I know she's new here. If not, she's made some drastic, unfortunate transformation over the summer, because I'm more than aware of most of the people on this campus, and even if I wasn't, I'd remember the girl who comes to school looking like an undead whore.
Katja Millay
#32. I don't want to fix you. I want to fix this.
Katja Millay
#34. Thank You. Life is short and TBR lists are long. I know time is precious and I thank you for spending yours with this book.
Katja Millay
#35. There's a reverence in the way he kisses me that frightens me, because it's the most wonderful thing I've ever felt.
Katja Millay
#36. Immoral people debating the existence of God is always a crowd pleaser.
Katja Millay
#37. Well, I suppose that consequently makes you my favorite nightmare.
Katja Michael
#38. Josh isn't in love with me and I'm not in love with him."
"Sell it to someone who's buying, Sunshine. Have you seen the way he looks at you?" I've seen the way he looks at me but I don't know what it means. "Like you're a seventeenth-century, hand-carved table in mint condition.
Katja Millay
#41. No matter how good he looks right now, Josh Bennett without work boots & the smell of sawdust is all sorts of wrong.
Katja Millay
#42. I know at that moment what he's given me and it isn't a chair. It's an invitation, a welcome, the knowledge that I am accepted here. He hasn't given me a place to sit. He's given me a place to belong.
Katja Millay
#43. I'm not deluded enough to think it won't come out somehow, but it's nice to have one person exist who doesn't know all of my tragic bullshit. At least for a little while.
Katja Millay
#44. If I could be alone, I would. Gratefully. I'd rather be alone than have to pretend I'm okay.
Katja Millay
#45. It's the Josh Bennett equivalent of tattooing her name across my chest.
Katja Millay
#46. I'd trade my hand all over again to take back everything I did and hear him call me Sunshine.
Katja Millay
#47. I'm not trying to capture one face. I'm trying to capture all the faces.
Katja Millay
#48. And that's the most confusing part - figuring out what's true.
Katja Millay
#49. It must be kind of depressing to have to teach someone who surpasses your abilities on every level.
Katja Millay
#50. I've scared, offended or made everyone uncomfortable enough to stay away. Mission accomplished.
Katja Millay
#51. Good Morning, Sunshine! Josh F**king Bennett. By now, I'm pretty sure that if I were to find his birth certificate that is exactly what it would say.
Katja Millay
#52. My jealousy is a living thing. Shifting, changing, growing. Like my rage and my mother's regret.
Katja Millay
#53. I didn't stop talking immediately. I talked right up until the day I remembered everything that happened, over a year later. That was the day I went silent. It wasn't a ploy or a tactic. It wasn't psychosomatic. It was a choice. And I made it.
Katja Millay
#54. I think I'll stay in pieces. I can shift them, rearrange, depending on the day, depending on what I need to be. I can change on a whim and be so many different girls and none of them has to be me.
Katja Millay
#55. What is she to you?" she whispers. The real question and I know the answer even if I don't know how to say it. Drew's muffled voice rises up from the floor before I can respond. "Family," he says. And he's right.
Katja Millay
#56. So, you actually cooked tonight? He regards me skeptically. I snort. Because snorting is attractive.
Katja Millay
#57. If self-adoration were cologne, he would be the boy you couldn't stand next to without choking.
Katja Millay
#58. Plus, once he did the requisite double-take and recognized me, he'd probably beat the crap out of any guy who looked at me in all my Snow White meets Frederick's of Hollywood glory.
Katja Millay
#59. It's been five weeks since she walked out of my door. I started counting the second the door closed. I wonder when I'll stop.
Katja Millay
#60. I doubt taking in a sullen, bitter, teenage girl with more issues than National Geographic is at the center of the vision board for a single woman in her early thirties.
Katja Millay
#61. I am pressed so hard against the earth by the weight of reality that some days I wonder how I am still able to lift my feet to walk.
Katja Millay
#62. Wonderful. Last night's dinner, the charred remains of my dignity, and apparently, now, my undergarments, too. What else did I leave on Josh Bennett's bathroom floor?
Katja Millay
#63. The greatest thing about writing is that you get to shape more than one life.
Katja Michael
#64. I believe in God, Sunshine. I've always believed that God exists," he says. And what he says next isn't self-pity or angst or melodrama. It's truth. "I just know that he hates me." Maybe
Katja Millay
#65. He's the be all and end all of my friends right now.
Katja Millay
#66. I didn't belong in this world anymore. It's not that I wanted to be dead, I just felt like I should be.
Katja Millay
#67. I say Sunshine and then she shatters.
All the pieces of all the girls go flying and I'm holding the one who's left.
Katja Millay
#68. Sarah. I smiled. I couldn't help but appreciate the absolute perfection of the name; bland, common, and wholly unoriginal. Best of all, it means princess.
Katja Millay
#69. Girls always want to change the rules in the middle of the game.
Katja Millay
#70. My phone is on my bed, whispering in my ear like a bottle of scotch to a recovering alcoholic, while the rain continues cackling at me through my window
Katja Millay
#71. It's like having a ghost in my garage. I feel like I'm being haunted. With all the dead people I've got in my corner, you'd think one of them would be the one hanging around.
Katja Millay
#72. People like Josh Bennett and I don't get perfect. Most of the time, we don't even get remotely tolerable. And that's why it scares me. Because, even if there was such a thing to begin with, perfect never lasts.
Katja Millay
#73. There is no love in war but there is a lot of war in love.
Katja Michael
#74. He holds up a finger to her to convey that he'll just be a minute. If I were him, I'd choose a different finger.
Katja Millay
#75. Sometimes the most beautiful things are in front of our eyes, and we don't even notice because we're either too busy or too afraid to take a closer look.
Katja Michael
#76. I never realized that grief and self-pity weren't the same thing. I thought grieving was what I was doing all this time I had been feeling sorry for myself, but it wasn't. So for the first time in nearly three years, I let myself grieve.
Katja Millay
#77. No one ever asks. Like they think they're doing me a favor. That if they don't bring it up, I won't have to think about it. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean i forget. I don't talk about it because no one ever asks.
Katja Millay
#78. It's not the sound itself that bothers me; it's just the fact that it's loud. The loud sounds make it impossible to hear the soft sounds and the soft sounds are the ones you have to be afraid of.
Katja Millay
#79. Seeing Josh is my homecoming. I didn't tell him I was coming back. He doesn't say anything when he sees me, and neither do I, because the fact that I'm here is an answer. We just look at each other and speak in the silence like we always have and no one interrupts the conversation.
Katja Millay
#80. In memory of my father, because he said so
Katja Millay
#81. If eavesdropping on someone else's nightmares is supposed to make me feel better, I'd rather stay feeling like shit. I don't think telling them about my horror story would do me any good. And besides, I'm not even supposed to have a story to tell. - Nastya Kashnikov
Katja Millay
#82. Thats the irony of Josh and me, and it shames me every time I think about it. He has no family. No one to love him. I'm surrounded by love and I dont want any of it. I piss all over what he woud thank God for. And if I needed more proof that I have no soul, then there it is.
Katja Millay
#83. What about Josh?" I think there's more to that question than she's letting on but she's testing the waters. Salvation, I write. She looks at the word and nods. And for a minute she looks as sad as I feel.
"That fits, I think.
Katja Millay
#84. Actually, it's nature itself that creates the most beautiful pictures, I'm only choosing the perspective.
Katja Michael
#85. It might sound silly but I believe that kissing someone is something intimate, and it shouldn't be a game. For me, it's linked to affection. And kissing someone just for fun of it without any emotions isn't my thing. It would mean nothing at all.
Katja Michael
#87. If Edna St. Vincent Millay was right and childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies, then my childhood ended when I was fifteen.
Katja Millay
#88. And as much as I'm telling her to stay here, I still want her to choose to come with me. To say fuck sanity and healing and closure. To say that I am the only thing she needs to be well and whole and alive. But we both know that's not true.
Katja Millay
#90. The silent thing is definitely a barrier in terms of making friends
Katja Millay
#91. I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back.
Katja Millay
#92. It's not that I wanted to be dead, I just felt like I should be. Which is why it's hard when everyone expects you to be grateful simply because you're not.
Katja Millay
#93. There really isn't a way to explain how a person you've seen every day of your life just isn't anymore. Someone just hit delete and she's gone.
Katja Millay
#94. No, you don't shoot things. You capture them. Photography means painting with light. And that's what you do. You paint a picture only by adding light to the things you see.
Katja Michael
#95. I would like to believe in the dream of second chances. For both of us.
Katja Millay
#96. I decline the coffee. I don't drink it, because no matter how much sugar I put into it, it still tastes like ass-water to me. Maybe it's because my taste buds are so desensitized to sweet that anything not comprised of at least ninety percent sugar tastes wrong
Katja Millay
#97. if I could take a picture of the expression that passes between them, I would, and then I'd shove it in both their faces so they could never deny it again.
Katja Millay
#98. most. If I could be alone, I would. Gratefully. I'd rather be alone than have to pretend I'm okay. But they won't give me that option. So I'll settle for being with someone who at least doesn't love me as much. I'm thankful for Margot. Not that I tell her this. Not that I tell her anything. I don't.
Katja Millay
#99. It seems like the more my body healed, the more fractured my mind became, and there aren't enough wires and screws to fix he breaks in it.
Katja Millay
#100. And there are so many missing that the ones that are left don't fit together anymore.
Katja Millay
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