Quotes About Jobs Funny

#1. America is a magical place, and I think my job, or the job of a lot of us European filmmakers is to just hold up America to Americans and present it to you in a new way. All I wanted to do is in a funny way say, "Look at your country. It's magnificent." - Author: Hans Zimmer

#2. The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.' - Author: Conan O'Brien

#3. I think the kick to doing comedy is just to get in a film with really funny people and let them do their jobs. I find that in most comedies, I'm not the funny one, which works out great. - Author: Amy Adams

#4. As funny as watching a man in a wig trying to hold down a job on a helipad - Author: Rhod Gilbert

#5. God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, "I can't take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me." - Author: Bill Maher

#6. The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.) - Author: Dave Barry

#7. Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. - Author: Tom Hiddleston

#8. I had gone to New York with no plan at all. I did a lot of jobs - barman, teacher, security guard, postman and construction worker - and I was meeting many eccentric characters, and they were saying funny things, which I always wrote down. - Author: Adrian McKinty

#9. I've never considered myself to be naturally funny and it wasn't until I booked my first few jobs in Hollywood that I started thinking, "I guess I'm funny." - Author: Erick Chavarria

#10. It's funny: I've been very successful and done a lot of films, and I don't really have an agent - I don't really pursue jobs, I let people come to me. - Author: Rick Baker

#11. It's funny. Of all the jobs I've been ambitious for, this is one that never crossed my mind. - Author: Edmund S. Muskie

#12. The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever. - Author: Milton Jones

#13. So the president is like, "Well, once upon a time it was Congress's job to decide whether or not we attacked countries, so let's let them decide." Which is funny, because, as we all know, if Congress were on fire, Congress could not pass the "Pour Water on Congress Act". - Author: Hank Green

#14. Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds. - Author: Frank Bruno

#15. It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks - Author: Colin Baker

#16. When I started in the late nineties, it was all about young Hollywood. There were jobs for all of us if you were 18 to 21, were slightly good looking, or could be funny. - Author: Chris Klein

#17. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies. - Author: Rita Rudner

#18. With acting, it [auditioning] is very frustrating. I'm not very good at auditions. Sometimes I audition for a role and I'm like, I'd be really funny in that role, but I'm not good at auditions so I guess I'm not getting that role. It's a very frustrating job. - Author: Jim Jefferies

#19. I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job. - Author: George H. W. Bush

#20. It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host ... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. - Author: Mike Rowe

#21. I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices. - Author: Natalie Portman

#22. Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door. - Author: Bill Bailey

#23. The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay. - Author: Oscar Wilde

#24. You can mythologize Steve Jobs, but really in the end, he was a kid from the Valley, with his funny little friends, and they made something. That's all he was. - Author: Joshua Michael Stern

#25. After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. - Author: Jerry Seinfeld

#26. I decided I would rather have a day job and love music than to play music that made me hate it. - Author: David Torn

#27. Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all. - Author: Mark Lawrence

#28. I've done so many funny jobs. I worked at a farmer's market through high school. I worked in the stock room of Ralph Lauren. I graduated to salesperson at Ralph Lauren, which was a big deal to me. I've been a P.A. I've been a stand-in. I've been an assistant's assistant. - Author: Allison Williams

#29. Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job ... Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. - Author: Bill Cosby

#30. I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job. - Author: Steven Wright

#31. I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job. - Author: Doug Stanhope

#32. We lead in exporting jobs. - Author: Dan Quayle

#33. A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!" - Author: Milton Berle

#34. If what Locke is doing were larking about, corpses could get jobs as acrobats. - Author: Scott Lynch

#35. I have good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done! - Author: Denis Leary

#36. This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful. - Author: W.C. Fields

#37. They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets. - Author: Marc Maron

#38. The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots. - Author: Milton Jones

#39. My job changes very little because I've found that the more you try to be funny, the less funny you become. - Author: Nathan Fillion

#40. You know, I've just always been sort of goofy and kind of gone with it. I actually usually work more in drama, but I have been floating back and forth with comedy, and somehow they keep giving me jobs in comedy, so I guess there's something funny about me. - Author: Zachary Knighton

#41. I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's. - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#42. Being a black woman, there's so many different sides of us. We are funny, silly, romantic, professional, smart, and we have good jobs. - Author: Lauren London

#43. Craig McDean was probably one of the first people I shot with. I shot with him for years with Tommy Hilfiger and a few other jobs. He's just so nice and just a super normal, funny guy. - Author: Jacquelyn Jablonski

#44. I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!' - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#45. I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er". - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#46. A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error. - Author: Dennis Miller

#47. Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it' ... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance. - Author: Dennis Miller

#48. It's funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it's time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's a good idea. - Author: Steve Pavlina

#49. A foolproof plan for not getting a job - show up for your interview wearing flip flops. - Author: Alan Davies

#50. There are always jobs I have to learn because all good Italian girls know how to do them and one day I'll need them to look after my chauvinistic husband. - Author: Melina Marchetta

#51. I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. - Author: Henny Youngman

#52. Hollywood wants to make women so perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect job. Perfect manners ... I know some of the most beautiful women, and they are so weird. That's what makes them funny and captivating. - Author: Melissa McCarthy

#53. The tragedy is that Dell didn't win it - we lost it. - Author: Steve Jobs

#54. My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way. - Author: Dov Davidoff

#55. Design is a funny word. Some people think Design means how it looks. But, of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works. - Steve Jobs - Author: John Morgan

#56. Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more. - Author: Scott Adams

#57. I had sinus surgery the day after Christmas and it has been the worst surgery of my life. Very painful, and on top of it everyone of course thought I got a nose job. Which is so funny because if you know me I would have told you I got a nose job I'm not gonna keep it a secret. - Author: Kaley Cuoco

#58. There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week. - Author: Jeff Daniels

#59. I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny. - Author: Sarah Silverman