Funny Tonight Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 34 famous quotes and sayings about funny tonight to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 34 Quotes About Funny Tonight

#1. It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there. - Author: Jerry Coleman
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#2. They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. "Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight." - Author: Jim Gaffigan
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#3. I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights. - Author: Jay London
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#4. Okay, so let's say we're all in the bubble. What's tonight then? Part of the bubble too? Because, it can't be all bad if there's Nutter Butter pancakes, right?"
He flashed a crooked smile. "This? This is a blip in the bubble. A glitch in the matrix. This is the ultimate not-supposed to. - Author: Margaux Froley
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#5. You think you're funny! You think you're funny Cena, huh? The only pose you're going to be doing tonight is lying on your back with me on top! - Author: Randy Orton
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#6. It's because you aren't thinking very clearly tonight."
"I know. Being Drunk is weird."
"Oh my god. I love you so much. Especially when you say stuff like that."
"Like what?"
"Nothing. Never mind. Although I'm dying to know why your shoe is green. - Author: Jessica Sorensen
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#7. Tonight, history was going to be made. And it wasn't the discovery-of-radium, first-man-on-the-moon happy kind of history. It was the Spanish-Inquisition, here-comes-the-Hindenburg bad kind of history. - Author: Eoin Colfer
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#8. Crystal ball and candle light, I want your dance tonight. Show me the power of love as we stand together in the middle of the night. - Author: Santosh Kalwar
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#9. I don't think that [Hillary Clinton] can turn around her honesty and trustworthiness problems with one speech, but she could present herself tonight as more relatable, give people a glimpse of that warm, funny woman the people who meet her in small groups and one-on-one say that she is. - Author: Tamara Keith
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#10. I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage. - Author: Bill Hicks
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#11. Ares sighed "What are the three words said most often in our house?"
"Not tonight, Ares?" Than offered.
"Funny," Ares growled. "Cara never says that. - Author: Larissa Ione
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#12. The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight! - Author: Jerry Coleman
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#13. Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
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#14. I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies. - Author: Kristen Schaal
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#15. Her mouth set. "I've already lost one man I loved tonight. I will not lose the other." She glared at him. "And curse you, you stone head, for making me say it first. - Author: Patrick W. Carr
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#16. Hank wants to have a conversation tonight. We had a conversation last night! I can't have another conversation! He'l say shit that freaks me out because he's, like, in my brain. We haven't even known each other for two weeks! How can he be in my brain? It's unreal .. - Author: Kristen Ashley
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#17. Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight. - Author: Jerry Coleman
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#18. Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who was really funny? President Obama. So funny, in fact, he has already been promised 'The Tonight Show' in five years. - Author: David Letterman
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#19. I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable. - Author: Jimmy Fallon
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#20. I made a tactical error tonight with Wyatt." She paused "Horizontally."
Sara laughed. "Again? - Author: Jill Shalvis
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#21. Have fun tonight...And take care in all the usual ways, boys. Say no to drugs, and drinking and driving. Yes to seat belts and condoms.
--Granny Rikker to Johnny & Mike - Author: Sarina Bowen
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#22. No funny stuff in here tonight, you understand?"
Dash said, "I assure you I could not contemplate any of your so-called funny stuff seeing as how I have no idea why I'm even here."
Mark scoffed. "You bookish little pervert."
"Thank you, sir!" Dash said brightly. - Author: David Levithan
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#23. I want to get back and figure out how we're going to make 'The Tonight Show' funny and good. - Author: Andy Richter
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#24. I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. - Author: Joe Rogan
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#25. Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee."
That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important. - Author: David Wong
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#26. It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. - Author: P. J. O'Rourke
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#27. Some people won't have kids, but I'm not going to have parents. I'm burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight. - Author: Bauvard
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#28. Oooo ... He's being a saucy motherfu*ker tonight. He does wrong and I'm the one who gets treated like the whore of Babylon. Fine, he wants a show I'll give him a damn show. - Author: S.K. Logsdon
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#29. Tonight he was a firm adherent to the classic McCloud school of thought; plant bugs first, apologize later. - Author: Shannon McKenna
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#30. Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet. - Author: Bill Bailey
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#31. Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight. - Author: Jerry Coleman
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#32. You know what's funny to me? You know what's really funny to me? The fact that you've been calling Lita the walking kiss of death, but tonight.. the walking KOD beat the walking STD. - Author: Chris Jericho
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#33. Don't make trouble at the pub tonight, Wayne," the man intoned in response. "My temper is really short." "Temper?" Wayne said, passing him. "That's a funny name for it, mate, but if the ladies like you givin' silly names to your body parts, I ain't gonna say nothin'. - Author: Brandon Sanderson
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#34. And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4. - Author: Jerry Coleman
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