Top 100 Quotes About Funny S

#1. Sometimes writing is like talking to a stranger who's exactly like yourself in every possible way, only to realize that this stranger is as boring as shit.

Chuck Klosterman

Quotes About Funny S #19
#2. She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late.

Sophie Kinsella

Quotes About Funny S #44
#3. What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.

Paul Feig

Quotes About Funny S #410
#4. Sarcasm isn't at all funny when it's the truth

Colleen Hoover

Quotes About Funny S #1019
#5. Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.

Tamora Pierce

Quotes About Funny S #1115
#6. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited.

Michael Kors

Quotes About Funny S #1161
#7. All of the films I'm doing are young, urban, high-concept, funny films. That's the zone where I'd like to play and have fun in.

Vir Das

Quotes About Funny S #2180
#8. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.'

Bob Newhart

Quotes About Funny S #2206
#9. You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell.

Jeni Decker

Quotes About Funny S #2291
#10. I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys goes into his trailer, and then people move the stairs, and he comes out of his trailer, and there's no stairs. That's not funny! I don't want to be that guy!

Terry Crews

Quotes About Funny S #2310
#11. As an actor myself, the opportunity to sing and dance and be dramatic and be funny - it's really irresistible to actors. You get to show all sides of your talent.

Elizabeth Banks

Quotes About Funny S #2933
#12. You said she's a senior? Babe we're ALL crazy.

Cecily Von Ziegesar

Quotes About Funny S #3153
#13. The way you might fear a cow sitting down in the middle of the street during rush hour, that's how I fear Canadians.

Maria Semple

Quotes About Funny S #3272
#14. The Salton Sea is a huge dead lake south of Palm Springs. There's a town there that's the asshole of the armpit of the world. You'd fit right in.

Neal Shusterman

Quotes About Funny S #3354
#15. I guess the breakfast burritos are going to have some extra protein in the morning.

Jon S. Lewis

Quotes About Funny S #3401
#16. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.

Kendall Ryan

Quotes About Funny S #3529
#17. You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."

Louis C.K.

Quotes About Funny S #3798
#18. The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology's only credible conspiracy.

Bauvard

Quotes About Funny S #4043
#19. If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is.

Peter Wisan

Quotes About Funny S #4089
#20. I'm a cartoonist, it's what I am at heart, so cartoons take reality and deform it and make it grotesque, you make it funny, but you alter it. If it works, it's based on reality. That's what I try to do.

Terry Gilliam

Quotes About Funny S #4177
#21. Billy Crystal knows how to make people laugh. He's got 30 years on stage ... there's no telling him what's funny.

Harold Ramis

Quotes About Funny S #4914
#22. It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.

Edward Hopper

Quotes About Funny S #5132
#23. I really like 'Gladiator.' I like 'The Dark Knight.' I really liked, when I was a kid, 'U.S. Marshalls.' I like funny movies, too. 'Old School' and 'The Hangover.' 'The Hangover' was up there; I liked it.

Matthew Stafford

Quotes About Funny S #5646
#24. He slammed the door shut in Ian's face, the lock clicking into place. Ian hit it again with his fist before roaring, If I were a pervert, I'd be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.

Rose Wynters

Quotes About Funny S #5758
#25. Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.

Corey Ford

Quotes About Funny S #6269
#26. I hate trying to analyze comedy in some deep way. If it gets laughs, it's funny.

Rachel Dratch

Quotes About Funny S #6541
#27. How does one conquer fear, Don B.?" "One takes a frog and sews it to one's shoe," he said. "The left or the right?" Don B. gave me a pitying look. "Well, you'd look mighty funny going down the street with only one frog sewed to your shoes, wouldn't you?" he said. "One frog on each shoe.

Donald Barthelme

Quotes About Funny S #7432
#28. This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?"

"It's a walking stick, I'll have you know."

"Same difference."

"Hardly. It's fashion.

Danika Stone

Quotes About Funny S #7966
#29. It's funny, you know. The times that seem so trivial end up meaning so much.

Jeffrey Blount

Quotes About Funny S #8434
#30. Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool.

Britney Spears

Quotes About Funny S #9149
#31. It may not seem funny now, because it's happening to us, but centuries from this moment, people will laugh in wonder.

Matt Taibbi

Quotes About Funny S #9457
#32. "The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned ... "

Charles Dickens

Quotes About Funny S #9747
#33. Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."
My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look.
Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right.
"It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven."
"Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy.

Jeaniene Frost

Quotes About Funny S #9786
#34. It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'

Garrett Hedlund

Quotes About Funny S #10094
#35. Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.

Julia Roberts

Quotes About Funny S #10124
#36. It's funny. I thought she'd live through anything."
Charlie said, "Me too. I figured even if there was a nuclear war, it would still leave radioactive cockroaches and your mum.

Neil Gaiman

Quotes About Funny S #10504
#37. A lot of people that are always trying to be funny and "on" and performing are just hiding. It's just a cover for what they really are and how they really feel.

Manny Montana

Quotes About Funny S #10520
#38. And in repose one might have admired so fine a specimen of English manhood, until the foppish ways, the affected movements, the perpetual inane laugh, brought one's admiration of Sir Percy Blakeney to an abrupt close.

Emmuska Orczy

Quotes About Funny S #10677
#39. "I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."

Eddie Izzard

Quotes About Funny S #10742
#40. Success is a funny thing. You can't really enjoy it when you're empty. Your heart is a bottomless sinkhole that swallows up everything and anything that it ingests and yet nothing can fill it. There's no sense of accomplishment; everything is meaningless.

Christine Brae

Quotes About Funny S #11058
#41. I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker.

Jeannine Garsee

Quotes About Funny S #12707
#42. This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.'

Conan O'Brien

Quotes About Funny S #13092
#43. She's as funny as a toothache

Erma Bombeck

Quotes About Funny S #13093
#44. America is a magical place, and I think my job, or the job of a lot of us European filmmakers is to just hold up America to Americans and present it to you in a new way. All I wanted to do is in a funny way say, "Look at your country. It's magnificent."

Hans Zimmer

Quotes About Funny S #14117
#45. Tides is a rich, taut, suspenseful, and funny exploration of two worlds, selkie and human. It's full of mystery but it's also so fully imagined that a reader can jump right in. Betsy Cornwell is a terrific new talent with a boundless imagination.

Valerie Sayers

Quotes About Funny S #14563
#46. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there.

Rhys Darby

Quotes About Funny S #14940
#47. We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.

Karl Pilkington

Quotes About Funny S #15021
#48. Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

Mitch Hedberg

Quotes About Funny S #15128
#49. So how's the putrid pile of caca doing?

Kate Carlisle

Quotes About Funny S #15790
#50. I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

Les Dawson

Quotes About Funny S #15986
#51. It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!?

Jeff Hirsch

Quotes About Funny S #16325
#52. If you just stop and think, baby, honey, love is a funny thing. Whatever you put in, that's what you expect to gain.

Jimmy Reed

Quotes About Funny S #16581
#53. I don't know why we, in the art world, cannot unpack things and sort of make hybrid notions of a practice. We're very rigid. It's funny, though; in music, we have no problem sampling, mixing and remixing. But in the art world, why can't we take little parts of history and mix it together?

Mark Bradford

Quotes About Funny S #16808
#54. It's funny being the big news every day - and the good news every day.

Charlie Adam

Quotes About Funny S #17347
#55. Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Kristen Schaal

Quotes About Funny S #17373
#56. Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either.

Jerry Coleman

Quotes About Funny S #17579
#57. Here's the funny thing about the response I've been aware of to my dating famous people: It's been very negative. I'm either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people.

Dax Shepard

Quotes About Funny S #17774
#58. I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.

R.L. Mathewson

Quotes About Funny S #18105
#59. It's like when you're on hold and a recorded voice comes on telling you how much the company values you as a customer. Really? Then maybe you should hire some more support people so I don't have to wait thirty minutes to get help.

Jason Fried

Quotes About Funny S #18132
#60. The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill.

Cuthbert Soup

Quotes About Funny S #18266
#61. I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty?

John Layfield

Quotes About Funny S #18705
#62. Depends. (Adron)
On? (Livia)
Whether or not they're plotting against you. Taryn's like a head injury. It's only funny when it happens to someone else. And Tiernan ... I think there's now a hurricane on Chrinon VI named after him. (Adron)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Quotes About Funny S #18898
#63. I'd love to do a film with Mariah. But it would have to be a comedy. She's the funniest woman in the world, she just cracks me up all the time.

Nick Cannon

Quotes About Funny S #18920
#64. Either I'm funny or the world's funny. I don't know which. The bottle and lid don't fit. It could be the bottle's fault or the lid's fault. In either case, there's no denying that the fit is bad.

Haruki Murakami

Quotes About Funny S #19246
#65. It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.

Jerry Coleman

Quotes About Funny S #19442
#66. What is the word for this kind of underwear? Boxings? Something like that? I cannot think of it."
"Boxings? Oh, god, Rania. That's funny. Boxers. They're called boxers, sweetheart.

Jasinda Wilder

Quotes About Funny S #20079
#67. Of course drugs were fun. And that's what's so stupid about anti-drug campaigns: they don't admit that. I can't say I feel particularly scarred or lessened by my experimentation with drugs. They've gotten a very bad name.

Anjelica Huston

Quotes About Funny S #20421
#68. People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh. But if it's a big, dirty, smart, funny laugh, they love it.

Michael Patrick King

Quotes About Funny S #21082
#69. People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and that's not the case.

Christopher Guest

Quotes About Funny S #21703
#70. On some level in acting, what you're trying to find is truth, because when it's true is when it's also funny.

David Hyde Pierce

Quotes About Funny S #21831
#71. The mother I'm completely over but the daughter I love to death. The mother I'd like to love to death." "Heh." "Don't do me any favors; only laugh if it's funny." "It is!

Ned Vizzini

Quotes About Funny S #22041
#72. Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

Anthony Griffin

Quotes About Funny S #22780
#73. I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

Jeff Stilson

Quotes About Funny S #23515
#74. Honey, what's the Detective doing here?"

"Tag, you never told me Wayne was so funny!"

"Wayne?"

"That's me. Most detectives also have first names.

Jules Cassard

Quotes About Funny S #24231
#75. It's funny, when I lived in Ohio, I would read about extraordinary, eccentric characters in books and plays, but I couldn't imagine them in real life. Then I came to New York.

Fiona Davis

Quotes About Funny S #24259
#76. Billy is a funny, cheeky, lovely boy and I love being with him. Parenthood is terrifying though. I can barely walk past a building without panicking that it's going to collapse on his head.

Rufus Sewell

Quotes About Funny S #25034
#77. Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I wont post it on the internet, it'll just be my screen saver.

Jane Harvey-Berrick

Quotes About Funny S #25145
#78. It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all.

Idina Menzel

Quotes About Funny S #25184
#79. I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.

Jerry Seinfeld

Quotes About Funny S #25218
#80. Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth.

Stephen Baldwin

Quotes About Funny S #25280
#81. People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose, take after take - that's why I said for me it was new territory, and so by improvising something might come out that might be good. And it's film, so they can cut it if it isn't.

Denzel Washington

Quotes About Funny S #25596
#82. One of my fears is that I'm suddenly not going to be funny, but still think I am. That's like my nightmare that I can wake up in a cold sweat from.

Judd Apatow

Quotes About Funny S #25853
#83. That's funny. I've always liked Naomi's version of me the best. I'm always much more interesting when she talks about me.

Rachel Cohn

Quotes About Funny S #26066
#84. Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!

Lewis Carroll

Quotes About Funny S #27039
#85. I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people's nightmares.

Bauvard

Quotes About Funny S #27418
#86. Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.

Denis Leary

Quotes About Funny S #27548
#87. My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf."

Mitch Hedberg

Quotes About Funny S #27820
#88. I don't know if I'm embarrassed because I think it's a funny show, but I could imagine there being a snootiness about it, but I do find 'The Big Bang Theory' very funny. I think that's a good show. I think it's fun, I like the actors; I think they're all doing a great job.

Stephen Merchant

Quotes About Funny S #27873
#89. Every time I'm in Canada I feel more Swedish, and every time I'm in Sweden I feel more Canadian. I belong in both places and I love them both equally. It's funny because the Swedes claim me as their Swedish pride and the Canadians call me their Canadian girl. I'll take it all.

Malin Akerman

Quotes About Funny S #28175
#90. You should just dump the whole saving the world plan and go with global domination. It's probably be more fun.

Katie MacAlister

Quotes About Funny S #28422
#91. I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable.

Sherry Glaser

Quotes About Funny S #28816
#92. Music is funny. I shouldn't even ever talk about music, because you can have all the ideas in your head, and it never goes exactly the way that you think it's gonna go.

Alicia Keys

Quotes About Funny S #29956
#93. I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.

Sophia Bush

Quotes About Funny S #30540
#94. He's the meanest one. We call him..Byrd the Turd

Marthe Jocelyn

Quotes About Funny S #30798
#95. I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.

Brittany Snow

Quotes About Funny S #30918
#96. I know enough football to know that's funny!

Gabriel Iglesias

Quotes About Funny S #31533
#97. Anything has a rhythm to it, comedy or drama. There has to be a musicality to it. And everybody can't play the same instrument, ideally. But I think that we all have the same comedic tendencies, and that's why it works. We all sort of agree with what's funny.

Bradley Cooper

Quotes About Funny S #31543
#98. He always smelled like warm wood and brandy, even when he hadn't had a drop of drink. Funny how he managed that. Funny how his smell was in her bed.
Henry's eyelids fluttered open.
Funny how he was in her bed.

Julia Quinn

Quotes About Funny S #31581
#99. I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia.

Frankie Boyle

Quotes About Funny S #31669
#100. It is easy to smile at an insult and pretend it's funny when the person insulting you is hosing you with money.

Al Alvarez

Quotes About Funny S #31776

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