Top 100 Quotes About Funny Jokes
#2. A joke is a witticism or play on words that's meant to be funny. I say 'meant to be' because most jokes aren't funny. They range between mildly amusing and grimace-inducingly annoying.
Michael Monroe
#3. All of a sudden Yutaka realized he had created a cloud of dust all around him. Oh no! No! This sucks. This blows more than your mama! Hey, now's not the time to come up with stupid jokes!
Koushun Takami
#4. There were some particular themes that I knew I wanted to hit, and when I got deeper into the project I found that it was becoming serious in and on its own. By the end, it's not very funny at all. I think, now, that part of the power of the book is that the jokes are kind of sparkly distractions.
Moshe Kasher
#5. I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?"
Chris Rock
#6. I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression.
Robert M. Pirsig
#7. Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
Alan King
#8. Oh Lola's Boobs,' he says into my chest, 'I wish we knew each other better.'
I crack up laughing.
'What's that you say?' he jokes, putting his ear to my right breast. 'You wish you could come out to play more often but Lola doesn't let you? Well, that's a shame.
Bianca Giovanni
#9. What I usually do is tell funny stories from the road, many of which are, of course, unprintable. But I don't actually have a joke. I don't tell jokes much. I tell little stories.
Howard Dean
#10. When I'm playing comedy, I never do 'jokes.' Sometimes I'll deliver a line in a way I think is more likely to get a laugh, but all the best comedy is played straight. What's funny is the way it hits the world around it or the way it hits the other characters.
Bruce McGill
#11. He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on.
Raven-Symone
#12. It wasn't that funny, but I laughed. There wouldn't be much laughter in the world if people didn't like each other, because there sure as shit aren't that many good jokes.
John Barnes
#13. I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same.
Tabitha Suzuma
#14. Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
Emo Philips
#15. If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time.
Michael J. Fox
#16. Tino laughed with him and then asked, "What the hell is up with you? You acted like I murdered your mother today."
"Not funny." Chuito sobered. "Mafia doesn't get to make jokes about murdering my mother.
Kele Moon
#17. Anybody can make jokes. But unless they come from conviction, and there's truth in them, you haven't nailed it. They aren't as funny as they could be, and they don't make a point.
Dan Jenkins
#18. The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"
Jerry Seinfeld
#19. I seem to get into situations that make people laugh, but I don't consider myself that funny of a person. I'm not witty. I'm kind of slow in conversations. I'm not that articulate with jokes. The first time I made stuff and screened it for an audience, I was surprised what people were laughing at.
Nathan Fielder
#20. I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
#21. The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies ... I'm not really a lawyer.
Tina Fey
#22. I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.
Maria Shriver
#23. But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore.
Jonathan Dunne
#24. Everything we do means something, Ender realized. Them laughing. Me not laughing. He toyed with the idea of trying to be like the other boys. But he couldn't think of any jokes, and none of theirs seemed funny. Wherever their laughter came from, Ender couldn't find such a place in himself.
Orson Scott Card
#25. If you play Mark Twain and he's not funny, you are definitely not playing Mark Twain. That was the biggest challenge, in some ways. Writing and performing jokes that can come out of that brilliant delivery system he constructed: the friendly, avuncular truth-teller.
Val Kilmer
#26. I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My problem with comedy is to want to clown it up, but she's the funny one. Those are her jokes, not mine. For me, it's a lot of not doing anything. I just don't want to muck it up.
John Cho
#27. My parents are really funny. Laughter was a big part of my childhood. Of course, they tell a lot of bad jokes - but so do I. I tell a lot of bad jokes.
Cecily Strong
#28. I have a lot of people in my life who are truly ridiculous characters, and they're very, very funny people, but they don't really try to be. They're not cracking jokes.
Emile Hirsch
#29. What I do know is I've got a brain filled with jokes I can't forget - like a tumor the size of a grapefruit inside of my skull. And I know that eventually even dog shit turns white and stops stinking, but I have this permanent head filled with crap I've been trained my whole life to think is funny.
Chuck Palahniuk
#30. A good team needs three things: the right people, the right spirit, and a couple inside jokes.
VanillaCreamPie8888
#31. You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc.
Hari Kondabolu
#32. Beer makes all jokes funny. Beer makes ugly and fat women attractive, which is something ugly women can't do for themselves, because they're too busy getting fat. Beer is also refreshing and a good listener.
Dick Masterson
#33. Laughter, Susannah would later reflect, is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.
Stephen King
#34. Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes.
David Mitchell
#35. I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.
Paula Deen
#36. I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I laugh at a really dark joke as much as the next person, but my jokes, I feel, don't have to hurt anybody to be really funny.
Ross Mathews
#37. Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.
J. B. Smoove
#38. If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.
Olivia Munn
#39. I'm a bug on acting, which distinguishes Second City from a lot of other revues. It comes from the character, the behavior, and not from the jokes. I don't think jokes are funny. Humor comes out of character and out of situations the character is in.
Bernard Sahlins
#40. First and foremost when you're doing comedy, you gotta be relevant and applicable to the times that you're living in. When you try and just do comedy about who is dating who and lifestyle jokes, it gets tiring after a while. It's hard to be funny in that realm.
Adam McKay
#41. I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once, but now he belongs to the dead.
Hunter S. Thompson
#42. Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
Margaret Mahy
#43. The higher you rise in the business ladder, the smaller your balls become.
Santosh Kalwar
#44. I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.
Mitch Hedberg
#45. Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon.
David Mitchell
#47. Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#48. In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings.
Josh Zuckerman
#49. Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break ... juggle something.
Dom Irrera
#50. There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner table, for sure. We didn't grow up in a creative family.
Nate Corddry
#51. I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap'n Crunch and I'd have to take a nap.
M.J. McGuire
#52. Seinfeld was typically American in that show. He was a pretty funny guy, but he had no sense of style. Tacky like a Texan tux. Tasteless dressing and tasteful jokes. That's Seinfeld for me. I would have preferred it the other way around.
Hallgrimur Helgason
#53. I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society.
Johnny Depp
#54. Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!
Terry Pratchett
#55. All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.
Tui T. Sutherland
#56. I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared.
Mitt Romney
#57. So but anyway, being funny is a way of not doing. Sit around and make jokes and be Mr. Funnypants and just make fun of everyone else's attempts to do something... So that's it. I'm going to start doing.
John Green
#58. One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.
John Hodgman
#59. There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny.
Tom Stoppard
#60. It's kind of low brow, but the show 'Bob's Burgers' is hilarious, and being from the Midwest, I can kind of relate to a lot of the jokes. 'Orange is The New Black' is a Netflix Exclusive, I think - that's really funny.
Gracie Gold
#61. You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.
Cass McCombs
#62. What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.
Stephenie Meyer
#63. All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
#64. I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.
Bill Bryson
#65. It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.
Iliza Shlesinger
#66. Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.
Carol Burnett
#67. Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull some jokes on there, but I think people have a better sense of humor on Twitter.
Gigi Hadid
#68. I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
Michael Summers
#69. I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.
John Mulaney
#71. I think David Letterman is a genius. Night after night he is funny and smart. He seems to really enjoy his jokes. They seem connected to who he really is. I like watching him, and there is no one better at turning an awkward moment into something very funny.
Casey Affleck
#72. I was always useless at flirting, and simply did not know what needed to be done in order to snare my target... I always ended up resorting to jokes, and most men don't like funny women. They like to do the jokes.
Joan Sims
#73. While 'The Middle' is still funny for adults to watch, there aren't sex jokes. And I'm fine with that. I like the idea that my nieces and nephews can watch it without their parents.
Neil Flynn
#74. The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.
George Carlin
#75. You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.
Jamie Foxx
#76. Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
Arthur Smith
#77. I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
Jimmy Carr
#78. Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a joke is based on an untruth, it's not funny.
Ricky Gervais
#79. I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"
Mitch Hedberg
#80. To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct.
John Waters
#81. You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever.
Brandon Sanderson
#82. It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.
Tommy Chong
#83. I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives.
M.J. McGuire
#84. I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, 'Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.'
Anna Torv
#85. Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire.
Alison Bechdel
#86. I was worried on a personal level because I wanted to be slightly taller than I am, ideally. But I've now accepted it. Basically, I came to the conclusion a while ago that you can either be really bitter about it or you can make loads of funny jokes.
Daniel Radcliffe
#87. I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.
Philippe Falardeau
#88. There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen
#89. me in bed - with a honeymoon present. Some of them were small, some were funny jokes, and some were extravagant, but every present came straight
James Patterson
#91. Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
Lemony Snicket
#92. I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny ... I do not agree with that at all.
David Rees
#93. What I didn't realize is that the writing process for comedies is that you do your table read, and if you aren't funny on that first day during the table read, they take your jokes away and give them to somebody else.
David Morse
#94. Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
Emo Philips
#96. Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
Kathy Lette
#97. What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning
and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.
Lewis Carroll
#98. I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable.
Jimmy Fallon
#99. I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny.
Don Rickles
#100. That's how inside jokes usually are. Funny to those inside, annoying as shit to the rest of the world.
Siobhan Vivian
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