Paranormal Comedy Quotes

#1. It's hillbilly urine; we had better get home before they come to eat us. Kevin said pointing towards home proving if there was ever any doubt that he had no acting ability at all. (The Children of Ankh series)

Kim Cormack

#2. Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.

Melodie Campbell

#3. Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?

Robyn Peterman

#4. Ye have taught me something I never understood."
"What? How to get rid of Parisian Pink Pecker Disease?

Vonnie Davis

#5. You're ... a demon hunter?'
'It's not as exciting as it sounds,' he said. 'There is a surprising amount of paperwork involved.

Maureen Johnson

#6. You wish for what's called wooing. This customary game, where the man shows the woman that resistance is impractical, strikes me as quite pointless.

Tara West

#7. Just in front of her lay the Congaree Swamp National Forest. To prove it, a mosquito the size of a kitten landed on her arm and prepared to drill.

Sela Carsen

#8. Have ye ever known a female who wasna a bit of a witch in her own sweet way?

Vonnie Davis

#9. While I had no intention of hooking up with him, I still wanted him to want to hook up with me.
It was the principle of the thing, after all.

Kimberly Raye

#10. He pulled forth and waggled a leash.

A leash.

To go around her neck.

Eve Langlais

#11. Some people do rely too much on technology. Look, technology is wonderful and I love it. When I was in the UK and I had hit records I would also have a high tax bill at the end of the year, and that would be the time to buy up all the technology - it was write offs.

Tony Visconti

#12. Holy shit, he was harder that a rod of steel, and as his leg ground out a torturous rhythm between my thighs, I realized I was hotter than spring in Seattle.
This was not a dream, this was real, and I had just fondled the boner of the Grim Reaper.

Tara West

#13. A bear! I've landed on a wild and wicked bear!

Vonnie Davis

#14. I often don't read reviews.

Ian McEwan

#15. She wasn't the type. Her idea of exercise was lifting a fork.

Rose Pressey

#16. I think...I shall call ye Beauty, for I shall be yer beast.

Vonnie Davis

#17. There are big and little truths, but all belong to the same race.

Jean Rostand

#18. There are wonderful things in Jazz, the improvisation, the liveliness, the being at one with the audience.

Henri Matisse

#19. Some people say Earth is the bottom level of Purgatory.' She pointed toward the floor and frowned.
'I call it the top floor of Hell.

Tara West

#20. Didn't even have to argue with her. She just told me she loved me and offered the back of her neck." He crossed his arms over his chest. "How many pups you got with Janie Mae now, Bubba Ray . . . and still she's as unmarked as a newborn babe. So which Smith has control of his female now, boy?

Shelly Laurenston

#21. The recognition and the acceptance of the Other's humanity (or humanness) is a maiming of self. You have to wound the self, cut it in strips, in order to -know- that you are as similar and of the same substance of shadows.

Breyten Breytenbach

#22. I could run, too, but my feet hurt. It's tough being a fashion vixen.

Kimberly Raye

#23. Driving a stolen plane will be nothing compared to the ride with a fired-up Scot.

Vonnie Davis

#24. The little woman, wearing a pink and black zigzag-striped pantsuit over a black turtleneck, resembled a skinny zebra who'd OD'd on Pepto-Bismol.

Vonnie Davis

#25. I can't imagine how much time it took Matt Bucy to cut up 'The Wizard of Oz' and reassemble every word of dialog into alphabetical order. The resulting movie is called 'Of Oz the Wizard.'

Mark Frauenfelder

#26. I have a gift for enraging people, but if I ever bore you it will be with a knife.

Louise Brooks

#27. ...books were portals into worlds she yearned to know, whether they be ponderous volumes crammed with accumulated knowledge or whimsical fantasies featuring magical creatures.

Kerry Alan Denney

#28. The first thing you lose when you die is your motor skills.

John Howard Matthews

#29. I'd rather drink my dinner out of a martini glass and follow it up with a cosmopolitan chaser.

Kimberly Raye

#30. So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself? ~Eric Northman

Charlaine Harris

#31. Leave before I have to rip your eyes out with my dull Lady Bic razor.

Rose Pressey

#32. I gotta go Seth, so I'll leave you to work on being nerdy and withdrawn."
"It's not as easy as it looks, you know."
"I'm sure," Nine said with a laugh.

Charlie Fey

#33. Her sunny side was always up.

Richard Brautigan

#34. There is not justice in this world. Father, forgive me wherever you are, but this world has brought one vile abomination after another down on the heads of the gentle, and I'll not live to see the meek inherit anything.

Barbara Kingsolver

#35. We could use all the blessings we could get. The impact of what we were about to do hit me like an anvil on Wile E. Coyote's head. We were heading out to stop Satan's son and save the world from certain destruction.
Piece of cake.

Terri Clark

#36. What the feckin' hell is PMS, I'd like to ken?"
"Petty Male Shit," she yelled.

Vonnie Davis

#37. I've also been known to cry during MasterCard commercials.

Kimberly Raye

#38. I never knew where I was going, but I ripped the tits off of everything that got in my way. By the time they figured me out, it was too late.

Hunter S. Thompson

#39. The line separating the real from the imaginary is infinitesimally small. Or is it there at all?

Ben McKinnon

#40. Art is fun to buy.

Jessica Jackley

#41. He had to die someday too. He might do it on sheets with a six-hundred-plus thread count, but he'd die just the same. Death wouldn't forget about him.

John Howard Matthews

#42. Throughout the island they wear the same sort of clothes, without any other distinction except what is necessary to distinguish the two sexes and the married and unmarried.

Thomas More