Lucy Ellmann Quotes

#1. The whole world organizes itself around the fact that people manage to get their awkward bodies in position to fuck, an achievement honored by toasters, tandems, and tax cuts.

Lucy Ellmann

#2. If Christ Jesus dwells in a man as his friend and noble leader, that man can endure all things, for Christ helps and strengthens us and never abandons us. He is a true friend.

Saint Teresa Of Avila

#3. What is the point of labeling each individual piece of fruit? Buy the fruit, EAT the ad! We've carved a chunk out of the ozone, burned up all the rainforests, soon we won't be able to BREATHE, and all because we had to label each individual piece of fruit.

Lucy Ellmann

#4. Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.

Henry David Thoreau

#5. A wise man once asked me, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" I thought for a minute, then I slapped him across the face. That got him off my back.

Matthew Diamond

#6. The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.

Dave Barry

#7. Everything on the internet is real god damn it!

Bill Gates

#8. I still go through stages of wanting to try other trades. When I was young I thought I'd be a magician. And then a cartoonist. Or a professional roller-skater. But there wasn't much support for those on career day.

Jason Mraz

#9. If love was Jesus's greatest commandment, why dont more christians do so? This is the greatest sin, if Jesus in fact gave us one and only commandment and we dont follow! GIVE YOUR LIFE FOR SOMEONE ELSE, LIKE I DID FOR YOU!!! THAT IS CHRISTIANITY, SERVE THE POOR ...

Haggai Jeffers

#10. Unable to make babies, they make bombs instead. Men menstruate by shedding other people's blood.

Lucy Ellmann

#11. I was sorting through my mother's things. All the letters from friends had to go. I don't know why she kept them, and now they meant nothing to anybody alive. Each generation flushes the toilet for the last.

Lucy Ellmann

#12. A woman can look both moral and exciting ... if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle.

Edna Ferber

#13. Writing a novel without being asked seems a bit like having a baby when you have nowhere to live.

Lucy Ellmann

#14. The secret idea she was forming of an afterlife gave her the foothold she needed to endure the agonies to come, a newfound courage and optimism which found instant expression through SHOPPING.

Lucy Ellmann

#15. How well he's read, to reason against reading!

William Shakespeare

#16. Inspiration is solitary, never consecutive.

Alphonse De Lamartine

#17. If you're different you always know it, and you can't fix it even if you want to

Austin Grossman

#18. The dusty tombs of long-dead exorcist priests lay in the alcoves below, surmounted by stone effigies, the features eroded by the passing of time and the reverent caresses of their grateful parishioners, a reminder, she knew all too well, of the brevity of life.

Sarah Ash

#19. The ghosts will eat everything because the bellies of ghosts want the whole world, just to fill one tiny corner.

Catherynne M Valente