Top 58 Leo Rosten Quotes
#1. To imitate a lunkhead without malice or derision is quite a feat - and Red Skelton brings it off everytime. - Humorist Leo Rosten
Douglas Wissing
#2. I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all. - Leo Rosten
Joshua Becker
#3. Writer Leo Rosten famously quipped: 'Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.' The
Ashwin Sanghi
#4. Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" First customer: "I'll have tea." Second customer: "Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!" (WAITER EXITS, RETURNS) Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
Leo Rosten
#5. The love of money is the source of an enormous amount of good; the fact that the good is a by-product of the selfish pursuit of riches has nothing to do with its indisputable value.
Leo Rosten
#6. You can learn much about life from a checker game: surrender one to take two; don't make two moves at one time; move up, not down; and when you reach the top, you may move as you like.
Leo Rosten
#7. Every writer is a narcissist. This does not mean that he is vain; it only means that he is hopelessly self-absorbed.
Leo Rosten
#8. I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe.
Leo Rosten
#9. Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them.
Leo Rosten
#10. Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.
Leo Rosten
#11. Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable.
Leo Rosten
#12. Where was it ever promised us that life on this earth can ever be easy, free from conflict and uncertainty, devoid of anguish and wonder and pain? ... The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.
Leo Rosten
#13. Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less.
Leo Rosten
#14. Her cooking suggested she had attended the Cordon Noir.
Leo Rosten
#15. Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games - but not with pleasure.
Leo Rosten
#16. Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.
Leo Rosten
#17. I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.
Leo Rosten
#18. If at first you don't succeed, before you try again, stop to figure out what you did wrong.
Leo Rosten
#19. In the dark colony of night, when I consider man's magnificent capacity for malice, madness, folly, envy, rage, and destructiveness, and I wonder whether we shall not end up as breakfast for newts and polyps, I seem to hear the muffled cries of all the words in all the books with covers closed.
Leo Rosten
#20. Hope is ambiguous, but fear is precious.
Leo Rosten
#21. Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented.
Leo Rosten
#22. Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts.
Leo Rosten
#24. Many [of the Americans] polled showed a marked disapproval of the Wallonians, Danerians, and Pirenians. The fact that these minorities were invented by the pollster did not diminish the hostility.
Leo Rosten
#25. The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it.
Leo Rosten
#26. O, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales.
Leo Rosten
#27. For some not to be martyrs is martyrdom indeed.
Leo Rosten
#28. An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church.
Leo Rosten
#29. There was no answer, no solution, no sop, no deliverance. What, then, did I do? I read faster.
Leo Rosten
#30. A Jew, crossing the street, bumped into an anti-Semite. "Swine!" bellowed the paskudnyak. "Goldberg," said the Jew, bowing.
Leo Rosten
#31. The first printed mention of bagels ... is to be found in the Community Regulations of Kracow, Poland, for the year 1610 which stated that bagels would be given as a gift to any woman in childbirth.
Leo Rosten
#32. A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
Leo Rosten
#33. Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience.
Leo Rosten
#34. It is not that which is beautiful that pleases us, but that which pleases is is called beautiful.
Leo Rosten
#35. Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
Leo Rosten
#36. Thinking is harder work than hard work.
Leo Rosten
#37. Words sing. They hurt. They teach. They sanctify. They were man's first, immeasurable feat of magic. They liberated us from ignorance and our barbarous past.
Leo Rosten
#38. The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. And that perhaps, is what makes him different from others.
Leo Rosten
#39. Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
Leo Rosten
#40. Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense.
Leo Rosten
#41. People say: idle curiosity. The one thing that curiosity cannot be is idle.
Leo Rosten
#42. What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles?
Leo Rosten
#43. The twelfth-century poet Abraham ibn Ezra, whom you encountered in high school as Browning's Rabbi ben Ezra (may his tribe increase), limpidly described the shlimazl's lot when he wrote: If I sold lamps, The sun, In spite, Would shine at night.
Leo Rosten
#44. Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind.
Leo Rosten
#45. Where there is too much, something is missing.
Leo Rosten
#46. You understand people better if you look at them-no matter how old or impressive or important they may be-as if they were children. For most men never mature; they simply grow taller.
Leo Rosten
#47. Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined.
Leo Rosten
#48. The fellow who laughs last may laugh best, but he gets the reputation of being very slow-witted.
Leo Rosten
#50. The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all-using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others.
Leo Rosten
#51. Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.
Leo Rosten
#52. Happiness, in the ancient, noble sense, means self-fulfillment - and is given to those who use to the fullest whatever talents God ... bestowed upon them.
Leo Rosten
#53. A shnorrer knocked on the door of the rich man's house at six-thirty in the morning. The rich man cried, "How dare you wake me up so early?" "Listen," said the shnorrer, "I don't tell you how to run your business, so don't tell me how to run mine.
Leo Rosten
#54. First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.
Leo Rosten
#55. Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.
Leo Rosten
#56. I sometimes think there is a dimension beyond the four of experience and Einstein: insight, that fifth dimension which promises to liberate us from bondage to the long, imperfect past
Leo Rosten
#57. The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait
Leo Rosten
#58. If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.
Leo Rosten
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