Laurie Helgoe Quotes

#1. Whatever kind of introvert you are, some people will find you "too much" in some ways and "not enough" in others.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#2. Online friends networks and dating sites, like the coffeehouse, are responding to the needs of introverts. We can write, not talk. We can get to the good stuff, and we can press delete as needed.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#3. Because extroversion lines up so well with American values, we introverts often deprive ourselves of what we most enjoy and thrive on. So, for all of you who draw energy from inside, behind, underneath, or away from it all, welcome home.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#4. According to the prevailing extroversion assumption, inviting you is a nice gesture, and pressuring you is a compliment - an indication that you are wanted. How many times have you equivocated on or even declined an invitation, only to be asked again - and again?

Laurie A. Helgoe

#5. Introverts like being introverts. We are drawn to ideas, we are passionate observers, and for us, solitude is rich and generative.

Laurie Helgoe

#6. This is why it is sometimes hard for introverts to find words: we really hate to compromise, and words are always a compromise.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#7. One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. - Vincent Van Gogh

Laurie A. Helgoe

#8. Though introverts are drained by interaction, we can take immense pleasure in watching the scene around us.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#9. For introverts, who have limited energy for interaction, we need to be more thoughtful and deliberate about whom we meet - which, happily, is what we do best.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#10. James W. Pennebaker and his associates at the University of Texas have conducted extensive research on the benefits of journaling. His findings: if you want relief, write about your most upsetting experiences, write through the pain, and connect painful events with your life story.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#11. Introverts prefer introversion; we tend to gain energy by reflecting and expend energy when interacting. Extroverts have the opposite preference; they tend to gain energy by interacting and expend energy while reflecting.

Laurie Helgoe

#12. When an introvert is quiet, don't assume he is depressed, snobbish or socially deficient.

Laurie Helgoe

#13. Though some of us like to get on stage, many introverts are content to put on their invisibility cloaks and watch. But well-meaning extroverts will have none of that! They need to draw us out, invite us to participate - repeatedly - and question why we are so depressed as to not want to join.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#14. I heard, for the first time - nothing. I danced and did somersaults, lay down in a bed of grass, felt the breeze.
And for the first time, I heard my heart, and I knew who I was.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#15. Solitude became, for me, an interesting mosaic of broken pieces, a place where the neglected parts of myself get collected - for better and for worse, sometimes barely tolerated and sometimes arranged into lovely patterns.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#16. Recognition is what you feel when a friend sums up exactly what you're feeling, when an author gives you the right words, when someone "gets" you.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#17. I prefer to interact with people one-on-one. Any more than that, and the dynamic becomes competitive.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#18. A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#19. Solitude is not lack.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#20. Efforts to make work fun only annoy most of us, especially the introvert.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#21. One of the best places for a shy person to meet people is in a coffee shop. If you are a reader, bring a book and read it there - that gives a guy something to ask you about. Same goes for sketching, writing, or any hobby you can take with you.

Laurie Helgoe

#22. Your nature is not the problem. The problem is that you have become alienated from your nature
from your power source.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#23. Similarly, a Solo Date is an outing with yourself to satisfy some of your introvert cravings. And it is a delicious treat.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#24. Our challenge as introverts is to adopt the attitude, based on the introversion assumption, that your need to retreat requires no explanation - it is self-evident.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#25. It is impossible to fully and fairly understand introversion without looking inside. We aren't just going away, we're going toward something.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#26. We have an assumption here in America that the kind thing to do is to be "friendly," which means being extroverted, even intrusive. The Japanese assume the opposite: being kind means holding back.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#27. Introverts keep their best stuff inside - that is, until it is ready. And this drives extroverts crazy! The explanation for the introvert's behavior - and there must be an explanation for this behavior, say the extroverts - is that he or she is antisocial, out of touch, or simply a snob.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#28. Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#29. I loved the study of psychology. I didn't love seeing patient after patient. I was perpetually overstimulated, busy decoding everything I took in.

Laurie Helgoe

#30. When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person's life, but to keep up with what's inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#31. Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul. - Walt Whitman

Laurie A. Helgoe

#32. It would be wise to be concerned about the introvert who is deprived of solitude. Is she neglecting herself due to depression? Is she falling victim to guilt and self-reproach? Does she feel cut off from pleasure? Does she feel dead?

Laurie A. Helgoe

#33. Where else but cyberspace does the introvert have the opportunity to start in our comfort zone of written communication and talk later?

Laurie A. Helgoe

#34. Though I may be efficient at the family table, I linger at the table for two.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#35. I am very troubled by the tendency to define introverts by what they lack. Introversion is a preference, not a fallback plan.

Laurie Helgoe

#36. QUIET IS MIGHT.
SOLITUDE IS STRENGTH.
INTROVERSION IS POWER.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#37. Let's clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#38. If you retreat in response to desire rather than deprivation, the deprivation may never come.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#39. One of the teens I worked with told me about how she loves to take tests, because it is quiet and everyone is occupying their own space.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#40. If you are drawn to the refined, take up calligraphy or grow a bonsai.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#41. The Socially Accessible introvert looks like an extrovert on the outside and sees extroversion as a bar that he or she can never quite reach. These individuals are often very successful in social arenas, but fault themselves for not having more fun.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#42. Breaking up is the hardest thing we do. It's the most important thing we do, in a way. You've got to embrace rejection, or you'll maintain a very limited life. It'll be very nice and neat - and very, very small.

Laurie Helgoe

#43. In his seminal article, "The Capacity to Be Alone," psychoanalyst and child development expert D. W. Winnicott asserted that the ability to be alone "is one of the most important signs of maturity in emotional development.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#44. When someone speaks to an introvert, her brain responds with a high level of activity. It is as if several lights start flashing on a control panel.

Laurie Helgoe

#45. When introverts sense invasion, we instinctively shut down to protect our inner resources. But in doing so, we lose access to ourselves. From this defensive position, we may feel that our only options are to practice extroversion, go underground, or go crazy.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#46. I've come to see the mosh pit as an apt description of American society - and of my childhood home. I was number nine of ten creative, mostly loud kids competing for airspace.

Laurie Helgoe

#47. Extraverts are comfortable thinking as they speak. Introverts prefer slow-paced interactions that allow room for thought. Brainstorming does not work for them. Email does.

Laurie Helgoe

#48. If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to get to the good stuff, you need to slow down.

Laurie Helgoe

#49. I believed that if I had the whole story, if I had the opportunity to really know the person I was sitting with, there would be nobody I could not love.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#50. Beware of extroverts in retreat center clothing!

Laurie A. Helgoe

#51. For the introvert, conversation can be a very limited forum for self-expression. When a song moves you, a writer "gets" you, or a theory enlightens you - you and its creator are connecting in a realm beyond sight or speech.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#52. Reading is like travel, allowing you to exit your own life for a bit, and to come back with a renewed, even inspired, perspective.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#53. I'm one of those introverts with well-honed social skills, and I have even danced on the occasional table, but I have felt sheer panic when my exhaustion precedes my exit. It's like the Cinderella story with a twist: I want to get out of there and into my duds before midnight - or ten, or eight.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#54. Is it better to part with your introversion or to accept a diagnosis that allows you to have it as long as you see it as a problem? The introverted child's plea for solitude seems to be either unheeded or treated.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#55. Introvert integrity means going the distance for what we love: moving from apology to acceptance, from acceptance to acknowledgement, and from acknowledgment to activism.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#56. Ultimately I found my community by pursuing what I loved: writing, acting, art, coffeehouses.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#57. Introversion, when embraced, is a wellspring of riches. It took me years to acknowledge this simple reality, to claim my home, and to value all it offers.

Laurie Helgoe

#58. What we share as introverts is the love of ideas and the desire to explore them with minimal interruption. We want and need input, but we'd rather get it through reading, research, and rich conversation than through unfiltered talk.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#59. Regardless of how dead we feel in a crowd, we cling to the uniquely American assumption that associating is good and necessary and solitude is suspect.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#60. I talk with many Shadow Dwellers who are mystified by the fact that chatty workers are rarely reprimanded. Sit and gossip and you are fun; close the door (if you have one) and you are antisocial.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#61. Introverts are more effective leaders of proactive employees. When you have a creative, energetic work force, an introvert is going to draw out that energy better.

Laurie Helgoe

#62. The ability to reflect is associated with critical thinking and reasoning ability. And the capacity to be alone is one of the highest levels of development. It's important to know how to self-soothe and be confident of other people's love even when they're not there in front of you.

Laurie Helgoe

#63. Introverts paradoxically pull away from culture and create culture.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#64. Isn't it refreshing to know that what comes perfectly natural for you is your greatest strength? Your power is in your nature. You may not think it's a big deal that you can spend hours immersed in something that interests you - alone - but the extrovert next door has no idea how you do it.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#65. We know we only have so much energy for reaching out; if we're going to invest, we want it to be good.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#66. It takes an extrovert to bring out my upbeat side. If it were up to me, everyone would probably just sit around talking about mysteries of the universe.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#67. I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.

Laurie A. Helgoe

#68. A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, afraid and unsure about how to approach them, but an introvert is perfectly content on her own.

Laurie Helgoe

#69. For introverts, the best associations start with ideas. If you don't feel a part of your neighborhood association or the happy hour regulars after work, don't force it. The community that surrounds you may not be your community.

Laurie A. Helgoe