Just Saying Funny Quotes

#1. One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool of beer and video games and penis jokes, staring at the universe with him and saying, Do you believe this shit? - Author: David Wong

#2. I think my way of being "funny" is just saying things that people think but have learned not to say, whereas, I haven't learned not to say them. - Author: Victoria Chang

#3. Turgenev was a very serious fellow but he could make me laugh because a truth first encountered can be very funny. When someone else's truth is the same as your truth, and he seems to be saying it just for you, that's great. - Author: Charles Bukowski

#4. 'Saturday Night Live' is a very particular beast. What it celebrates are individuals who can stand out. I did good work there, but going onstage and saying, 'Hey! Hey! Look at me! Aren't I funny?' - that just wasn't my instinct. - Author: Chris Parnell

#5. I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying "We don't have to fix anything." - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#6. It's just funny to see him so territorial over a woman. He's practically growling at any man who talks to you, even the married ones. He's never even brought a woman around so I hope you don't mind me saying that it's a little entertaining." Before - Author: Katie Reus

#7. He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying. - Warren - Author: Brandon Mull

#8. It's funny, I was talking to somebody who writes for a cop show, and he was saying how they aren't allowed to acknowledge Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, just because it has to be able to play forever. - Author: Hannah Simone

#9. Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years. - Author: Conan O'Brien

#10. I think maybe to survive, I mean to just get through the day - I'm not saying that everything is hilariously funny. - Author: Roz Chast

#11. Haven't you ever heard of the saying, "If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!"?'
Lin
If you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!'
Ed - Author: Hiromu Arakawa

#12. The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming event even though the race hadn't aired yet. NBC apologized saying, 'We're just not used to people watching our network.' - Author: Conan O'Brien

#13. Teachers of subjects that this person wasn't even good at are kissing this person and renouncing the very subjects they taught. Math teachers are saying that math was just a funny way of saying I love you. - Author: Miranda July

#14. My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.'
'I missed you too, Thurid. - Author: Derek Landy

#15. Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete. - Author: Whitney Cummings

#16. When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny. - Author: Ira Glass

#17. Oh, god ... " I whimper. "I haven't done anything yet, baby," Colton growls. "I know," I pant. "I was just saying your name. - Author: Jasinda Wilder

#18. I didn't just come in on a load of turnips! - Author: Phillip C. McGraw

#19. If you're playing things sincere in a really absurd, heightened situation, you'll achieve comedy as opposed to just saying funny lines and one-liners and stuff. - Author: Jeff Baena

#20. We deal with all the production headaches and all that stuff. They just have to come here and be super funny. And it's worked out well. I mean, literally, every day they're all saying things I'd never thought I'd hear before and just some of the funniest discussions I've ever heard. - Author: Jeff Schaffer

#21. I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. - Author: David Sedaris

#22. I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny. - Author: Issa Rae

#23. Lilli . . . Lilli . . . Lilli."

Sweet Jesus, she was going to kill him. She'd just gotten to sleep. Now he was running a finger up and down her spine, saying her name in an extremely life-threatening singsong voice. - Author: Susan Fanetti

#24. I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!" - Author: Henny Youngman

#25. I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!" - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#26. Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.' - Author: Bill Bailey

#27. No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?" - Author: Eddie Izzard

#28. She always called him Luca, in the Italian manner, and said it with that funny trans-European intonation, the accent oddly placed on the first syllable: 'Where's Loo-ka?', just like Audrey Hepburn saying, 'Take the pic-ture,' in Funny Face. - Author: Adam Gopnik

#29. I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres

#30. As an actor, you can really play the intensity and gravity and seriousness of the moment, and just rely on the circumstances being funny. The joke is kind of the situation you're in, or the way you're reacting to something, as opposed to the characters just saying something witty. - Author: Ed Helms

#31. I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?' - Author: Marc Maron

#32. I'm just saying stupid, funny things when I'm hanging out on the TV show. When I'm making music I'm in a completely different zone. - Author: Chanel West Coast

#33. I try not to laugh at the fact that even when she's drunk, she has a hard time saying it. "Where do you want me to take you?" She drops her head back against my chest. "You can just keep carrying me. It's very relaxing. - Author: Jessica Sorensen