Top 37 Joe Dunthorne Quotes
#1. For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed.
Joe Dunthorne
#2. Her eyebrows were so blonde they were almost invisible, making it difficult for her to look angry, apologetic or quizzical.
Joe Dunthorne
#3. He had a bad feeling that there was literally no one he could think of who wasn't in some very significant way a let-down.
Joe Dunthorne
#4. I bought a packet of Trojan Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: 'No. 1 in AMERICA'. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.
Joe Dunthorne
#5. That's a big love letter," she says, squinting. I know what I'm going to say and for a moment I wish there was a film crew documenting my day-to-day life: "I've got a big heart," I say.
Joe Dunthorne
#6. I would never say snog. I would say osculate. She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?
Joe Dunthorne
#7. She whispers in my ear: '"Tell me that you wan' fuck me hard, make me sweat." In the excitement, she misses out a word. "I want to fuck you so hard that your body drips with sweat," I say, grammatically.
Joe Dunthorne
#9. My mother tells me I do not chew my food enough; she says I am making it harder for my body to get the essential nutrients it needs. If she were here, I would remind her that I am eating a blueberry Pop-Tart.
Joe Dunthorne
#10. The smoke rolls along the low ceiling and pours up into the night - a reverse waterfall - like when the kettle boils beneath the plate cupboard.
Joe Dunthorne
#11. There will be birds and if they write your name in the sky then you can get on the buses and if they don't you have to die on the floor.
Joe Dunthorne
#12. Are we making a bomb?"
"This is a trust exercise, like in drama," she says.
"Are we making a bomb as a trust exercise?
Joe Dunthorne
#13. I tell my parents I'm going out for pudding. They think this might be a nickname for heroin.Mum makes the international face for 'is there anything you want to tell me?'
Joe Dunthorne
#14. Depression comes in bouts. Like boxing. Dad is in the blue corner.
Joe Dunthorne
#15. I want to grab her collarbones as if they were handlebars.
Joe Dunthorne
#17. I tell myself not to feel sexually threatened. I am of no special interest; he could just as easily be angling for the printer.
Joe Dunthorne
#20. Anger does not come easy to me. It is something I have to encourage, like a greyhound in second place.
Joe Dunthorne
#22. Exercise II.
Write a diary, imagining that you are trying to make an old person jealous. I have written an example to get you started:
Dear Diary,
I spent the morning admiring my skin elasticity.
God alive, I feel supple.
Joe Dunthorne
#23. I remembered his expression remained not exactly bored so much as philosophically separate
Joe Dunthorne
#24. Write a diary, imagining that you are trying to make an old person jealous.
Joe Dunthorne
#25. Ever since Jordana dumpled me, I've started feeling like a middle-aged person. I think it is to do with trauma. I just walk around doing and impression of a sixteen-year-old.
Joe Dunthorne
#26. Most people think of themselves as individuals, that there's no one on the planet like them. This thought motivates them to get out of bed, eat food and walk around like nothing's wrong. My name is Oliver Tate.
Joe Dunthorne
#27. One more word that may be useful in the heat of passion: dong. Dong sounds like someone very important has just arrived.
Joe Dunthorne
#28. I took a photo of us, mid-embrace. When I am old and alone I will remember that I once held something truly beautiful.
Joe Dunthorne
#29. I authorize an air strike that reduces my street to rubble; I fold Swansea Bay like an enormous omelette and scoff it all
Joe Dunthorne
#30. I want the evening upon which we lose our collective virginities to be special. I'm no parthenologist but I suspect that Jordana's virginity is still intact. Her biological knowledge is minimal. She thinks that a perineum is to do with glacial moraine.
Joe Dunthorne
#31. I am drawn to the ocean; I find solace in its mystery.
Joe Dunthorne
#32. Our Welsh teacher thinks he is young. He tells us that the Welsh for skiving in town is 'mitchio yn y dre'.
Joe Dunthorne
#33. It is strange to hear your mother talk about being human because, honestly, it's too easy to forget.
Joe Dunthorne
#34. Problems are like top trumps. I have a pretty good card: Adulterous Mum. But Jordana's is still better: Tumour Mother.
Joe Dunthorne
#35. I spin around on the swivel chair and look up at the ceiling; Oliver being Oliver being Oliver being Oliver. I am suddenly aware of the separation between my-actual-self and myself-as-seen-by-others. Who would win in an arm wrestle? Who is better-looking? Who has the higher IQ?
Joe Dunthorne
#36. I love you more than words. And I am a big fan of words.
Joe Dunthorne
#37. I want birds to have strips of my soppy diary to pad out their nests. I want the mother birds to regurgitate food for their young and little bits of half-chewed sick to accidentally landon my name.
Joe Dunthorne
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