Top 28 Jessi Klein Quotes
#1. I want to go to Australia and take the same goofy picture of me holding a koala that everyone else takes.
Jessi Klein
#2. Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me.
Jessi Klein
#3. Basically, I was always very interested in comedy, but I was much more sort of academic. And then, after college, loaded with my art history degree, I decided to go work at Comedy Central as a temp.
Jessi Klein
#5. I'm sick of the foodies who need every morsel that goes into their mouth to be a Picasso painting, a Giacometti sculpture, a Proust novel, evoking the world with each crumb.
Jessi Klein
#6. I see an insidious problem in the marketing of weddings as 'the happiest day of your life.' The pressure that is placed upon this event to be the alpha and omega of your entire existence makes it, I think, into a kind of nuptial New Year's Eve, and we all know how that usually turns out.
Jessi Klein
#7. The very first time I did standup, I went to an open mike on the Lower East Side at a place that doesn't exist anymore. And it was one of those open mikes that wasn't really just for comedy.
Jessi Klein
#8. I was a woman sobbing in a hotel corridor, which is kind of incredible, because when I was little I thought I was going to be a senator.
Jessi Klein
#9. This is the lament of older women, and ultimately of all old people - that you become invisible. It is especially hard for women, though, whose entire lives have been spent spinning around the idea that if no one is staring at you, you've somehow failed.
Jessi Klein
#10. My 20s were all about feeling desperate. Desperate to find a new boyfriend. Desperate to get the perfect job. Desperate to get rid of this terrible relationship with this bad new boyfriend.
Jessi Klein
#12. Everyone wants to say they hate lawyers, and yet I've never met a parent who didn't want their kid to be a lawyer.
Jessi Klein
#14. If I have one wish for my birthday, it is that 35 is the end of desperation and the beginning of acceptance. Part of that is believing that if I'm meant to give birth, I will.
Jessi Klein
#15. All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And
J.K. Rowling
#16. If I was president, of course I'd want an amendment banning boy bands, but it just wouldn't be right, and I wouldn't do it. Then again ... I don't want to paint myself into a corner on this one. Let me think about it.
Jessi Klein
#17. How surely are the dead beyond death. Death is what the living carry with them. A state of dread, like some uncanny foretaste of a bitter memory. But the dead do not remember and nothingness is not a curse. Far from it.
Cormac McCarthy
#18. Women have problem areas in a way that men don't. We have big hips and muffin tops. Men just have the thing where they create wars and wreak havoc all over the globe.
Jessi Klein
#19. You know what? You had a rough weekend, but people are basically good. They really are. We're all just on this crazy blue marble together.
Jessi Klein
#20. I remember the first time I heard a co-worker refer to himself as a foodie. It immediately irritated me. Was he implying that he appreciated food more than other people? That his love of eating was somehow more evolved than mine? Don't all people love the thing we can't live without?
Jessi Klein
#21. I find it extremely ironic that Bush says that personal opinion should not be a tool in the interpretation of the Constitution, when he's the one who's lobbying for a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. If that doesn't stem from personal opinion, I don't know what does.
Jessi Klein
#22. You know how Bed Bath & Beyond sells those white noise machines that help you sleep? And they usually make ocean noises? I want one that's just David Gergen gently muttering about the economy.
Jessi Klein
#23. As a wolf, I'm a diamond in the rough. I crack jokes. My whole life is about trying, about speaking up in order to be seen, about howling with laughter or howling out how I see the world.
Jessi Klein
#24. I don't really want to do things that I feel like are going to send out a message that I don't really want to sign up for.
Romola Garai
#25. If you don't make a decision then time will make it for you and time will always side against you!
Billy Graham
#26. This was when I learned one of the biggest secrets of being a woman, which is that much of the time, we don't feel like we're women at all.
Jessi Klein
#27. I wanted to structure a day where a hypothetical random snapshot of me looked like Carrie Bradshaw in her kimono, totally relaxed, not Brittany Murphy in Girl, Interrupted, diddling an old chicken under her bed. The
Jessi Klein
#28. It's not that I think weddings - or marriages - are letdowns. It's just that I want to see my wedding as one awesome achievement on a continuum of achievements, all of which were, in their way, just as beautiful and profound for having led me to the current one.
Jessi Klein
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