Jeremy Hardy Quotes

#1. Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

Jeremy Hardy

#2. When all your stuff gets smashed, everybody gives you new stuff. And when you've been playing the same guitar since you were like 12, that's a lot like dancing with somebody else's wife.

Gary Allan

#3. It is right that man should love those who have offended him. He will do so when he remembers that all men are his relations, and that it is through ignorance and involuntarily that they sin,
and then we all die so soon.

Marcus Aurelius

#4. My maternal grandmother had what might be described in a school report as a 'lively imagination.' She told us that she was a direct descendant of Sir Christopher Wren.

Jeremy Hardy

#5. For me, ancestry is just one thing that connects us to people, and feeling connected to other people is generally a good thing, as long as one kind of connection does not have primacy over all the others. Heredity, race and nationhood are not the best criteria by which to judge our fellow humans.

Jeremy Hardy

#6. My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

Jeremy Hardy

#7. Do you want to know what one definition of bizarre might be? Driving to your closeted boyfriend's pretend-girlfriend's house to watch them prepare for a faux date.

Sean Kennedy

#8. There's never been a moment when I didn't recognize you.

Rainbow Rowell

#9. The image of my face I hold in my mind is always about 10 years out of date.

Jeremy Hardy

#10. The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we think we know about our families and the realities.

Jeremy Hardy

#11. Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

Jeremy Hardy

#12. The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.

Jeremy Hardy

#13. The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

Jeremy Hardy

#14. The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

Jeremy Hardy

#15. All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.

Jeremy Hardy

#16. Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

Jeremy Hardy

#17. Most harm is done by people who are awake.

Jeremy Hardy

#18. It seems a shallow observation, but ... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

Jeremy Hardy

#19. I love many places to which I have no connection, but identifying an ancestor, or someone I think is an ancestor, has taken me to places I'd never have gone to otherwise.

Jeremy Hardy

#20. That's the one thing about here, the South, you've missed. You'd be amazed if you knew how many people are on your side, if side's the right word. You're no special case. The woods are full of people like you, but we need some more of you. She

Harper Lee

#21. Being in the latter stages of life means the morning is unkind to the reflection. It takes a few hours for the creases to fall out. By about 4 P.M., I look quite nice.

Jeremy Hardy

#22. You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

Jeremy Hardy

#23. Mindfulness is the cure for everything; the essence of being alive.

Ellen Langer

#24. My order of priorities reflects the level of my commitment to Christ. Whoever or whatever is in first place, if it isn't the Lord Jesus, is in the wrong place.

Charles R. Swindoll

#25. He's my best friend. We were catching up. I just told him that I forgive him for sleeping with my dad for the last four years and that I'm sleeping with my cousin's boyfriend.

Kade Boehme

#26. Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

Jeremy Hardy

#27. A little work, a little play, To keep us going - and so, good-day!

George Du Maurier

#28. If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.

Jeremy Hardy

#29. I think ageing suits me because I was born old, like Spencer Tracy or Dolly the Sheep.

Jeremy Hardy