Jennifer Rardin Quotes

#1. The padlock clicked open. A voice soundingoddly like South Parks's Cartman echoed through my quivering brain. Goddammit!

Jennifer Rardin

#2. I am driving an unfamiliar vehicle down a narrow road I've never seen before. Do you really want to be pissing me off right now?

Jennifer Rardin

#3. Sometimes things would be so much simpler if you could just pull out your gun and shoot the bad guy. Reason number seventeen why Indiana Jones is my hero.

Jennifer Rardin

#4. It must've been Albert's military background, because man, when he dropped a bomb the entire country shook. I was still jittery as a hurricane survivor in New Orleans, and I was sure that somewhere in Alaska some poor Inuit had just taken a tumble from his sled for the very same reason.

Jennifer Rardin

#5. WHAT?!" I felt the prickling along my scalp that signaled Big Anger. I wished I was the Queen of Hearts so I could just order my little card soldiers to cut off Albert's head.

Jennifer Rardin

#6. As I was leaving, a door opened and a man looked out. I got the feeling we were having a mutual oh-crap-you're-not-supposed-to-see-me reaction.

Jennifer Rardin

#7. Unbelievable. After what just happened between us no, I don't have any right. None at all. We're barely a couple. We're not even sleeping together. I have to-" What in God's name are you babbling about?" "You're cheating on me!" "I never cheat.

Jennifer Rardin

#8. I described the pyramid we'd found and waited for him to jump on the bandwagon. Unfortunately he's afraid of wagons. And bands.

Jennifer Rardin

#9. Apparently you don't have to observe the Rules of Etiquette when reuniting with a muderous spouse.

Jennifer Rardin

#10. Cool! Now I can steal some rich old coot's Ferrari and go fishing for marlin with the same piece of jewelry.

Jennifer Rardin

#11. Hey, if you decided to tear up the town, you can always use the leftover bread from my breakfast in place of your cane. I'm pretty sure it's hard enough to bust heads.

Jennifer Rardin

#12. Vayl, this is not a pleasant moment for me," I confessed.
"No?"
"Locked in a windowless, doorless room with a dancing, headless corpse and a secret sucker that can move fast enought to tear us both a new one if I miss?

Jennifer Rardin

#13. Whatever happened to 'Hey, how are you?' 'Long time, no see.' Apparently you don't have to observe the rules of etiquette when reuniting with a murderous spouse.

Jennifer Rardin

#14. Then I got this image of my big toe, painted bright red, suddenly developing a face and a hot Southern temper to match, screaming, What the hell is wrong with mah bad self?

Jennifer Rardin

#15. Sounds good. Drive safe."
He sighed, knowing I really meant, "Take care of my Mercedes.

Jennifer Rardin

#16. When I bite you, it'll be because I want to make your toes curl and your hair stand on end. And you won't need stitches afterward. You'll need crutches.

Jennifer Rardin

#17. Hey, if you're going to price yourself, I say go high.

Jennifer Rardin

#18. Cassandra," he said, "I hope you know that poaching Muppets is illegal in this country.

Jennifer Rardin

#19. Your father sounds frightening," Trayton said.
"He once made a general cry."
"No."
"I shit you not. The guy had to retire after that. I mean, really, who's going to follow your orders after some damn colonel's reduced you to tears?

Jennifer Rardin

#20. Who brings baby pictures on an international flight?" I hissed. "If I'd wanted my bare ass paraded in front of all the first-class ticket holders I'd have mooned everyone before we took off!

Jennifer Rardin

#21. So ... you're an assassin?" Dave asked incredulously.
"Why do I feel like you'd have used the same tone if I'd just confessed to being a stripper?" I demanded.
"Sorry," he said quickly. "I'm just surprised, is all.

Jennifer Rardin

#22. I'd smack you over the head with it so hard your bell would still be ringing for Church next Saturday night. ~ Jaz

Jennifer Rardin

#23. Do you even know what hammerd means?" I asked.
"Something to do with drinking your American beer out of a hole in the side of a can?"
Dave reached over and slapped him on the shin. "Close enough.

Jennifer Rardin

#24. We went to the door and I let Asha in. I expected an uberawkward moment when he and Vayl met. But Asha took care of that problem right away. "So you belong to Jasmine," he said in his melancholy voice. It somehow delivered Vayl his deepest condolences without bearing a trace of malice toward me.

Jennifer Rardin

#25. Still enmeshed from the knees down, Vayl flopped off the cabinet before we realized he needed a hand down, falling fast and hard like a penguin who hasn't bought the whole flightless scenario.

Jennifer Rardin

#26. The girl in me wanted to slap Lung across his face and yell, Get your eyes off my sticky buns, ya creep!

Jennifer Rardin

#27. That's what I'd call him if he was my dog. Jacket-humper. Kinda had a ring to it. Although it seemed a little long for vet visits and intros to lady dogs.

Jennifer Rardin

#28. Oh my God, this can't be happening!" I cried.
"What?"
"Mopeds? Those are the wheels Pete gives us? I knew he was pissed off at me! It was all that time I spent in the hospital wasn't it? Or was it the wrecks? But I only tore up one car last time! And that wasn't my fault!

Jennifer Rardin

#29. So of course that was the moment my motherboard decided to do a short internal scan, throw up its hands, and screech, "Dear Lawd, a VAMPIRE has taken mah blood!" and initiate a general shutdown.

Jennifer Rardin

#30. Have you dared to eat my son?
I laughed. Actually, it started out as more of a giggle that grew. Because my mind went straight to the gutter.

Jennifer Rardin

#31. There you go. Use your granddaughter to pick up women. That'll get you points in heaven.

Jennifer Rardin

#32. I can't belly dance.'
Yes, you can. It's in your fi
'
Will you stop reading my goddamn file!

Jennifer Rardin