If I Was A Guy Quotes

#1. I picked and co-wrote the songs that if I was a guy who would be spending my hard-earned money buying an album I would want to hear.

Bo Bice

#2. If I was a guy I wouldn't be bossy, I would be strong. If I was a guy I wouldn't be a micro-manager, I would be across the detail.

Peta Credlin

#3. Women can explore so much in dressing. But if I was a guy I would wear vintage suits constantly. With crazy ties!

Helena Christensen

#4. I couldn't beat Michael Phelps. A couple of years ago, I was racing against him and it just kinda dawned on me during the race that there was no chance I was gonna beat this guy. And so I said, if you can't beat him, find a race that he won't swim.

Mark Warkentin

#5. I don't write for theme, but if you work closely on some guy fixing a sandwich or a window or a table or trying to visit an old teacher or walking down the street on which he was a boy, a theme, a human hope, will emerge.

Ron Carlson

#6. They looked at me like I was some kind of threat. [Mick] Jagger really tried to put me down, but there was no way some crude, lippy guy was going to do a number on me. I was always able to squelch him. I found out that, if you stand up to Mick, he crumbles.

Anita Pallenberg

#7. The disparity between being a 10-year-old boy playing air guitar, wishing I was a rock star, and the reality of the whole thing is insane. A girl will throw her bra onstage, and I say to myself, if I was the guy that pumped your gas today, would you throw your bra at me?

John Rzeznik

#8. One of the problems with NPR is that there is so much political correctness that if you've got a name that looks like it was made up by Rudyard Kipling, you've got a better chance of getting hired. I'm a white guy named Tony Snow, for heaven's sake. That's as white as it goes.

Tony Snow

#9. I guess I am in handsome - in certain parts of the world. If I was, like, in Mongolia, living on a mountain and in my village, I could be the hottest guy. In L.A., I'm ... average?

Bobby Lee

#10. Saddam probably had weapons of mass destruction, and even if he didn't, he was a weapon of mass destruction. A guy I dated my senior year made a lot of jokes about his own weapon of mass destruction, and I was more interested in the guy than I was in the war.

David Burr Gerrard

#11. I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"

Mitch Hedberg

#12. There might have been guys with enough cajones to send over a drink. If I was hit on today maybe I just don't know it. I told my friend that I never get hit on and he's like, "You're crazy!" But as far as I know, no, I've almost never been hit on.

Mila Kunis

#13. I know what I want, but I'm not allowed to pick a favorite.If I was to say one guy, that guy would be feeling like 'I got this,' and I want everybody to have a chance.

Darryl Dawkins

#14. You've been through my stuff. I bent over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's fingernail sticking out of my cock.

Stephen King

#15. If I'd understood back then that a guy could be in love with another one, it would have happened. But I didn't come to that realization for a few more years and then it was too late for Jimmy and me.

Sal Mineo

#16. To be totally honest? I don't know if I'll keep doing more impressions. People told me I had a facility for it, and I was like, 'Okay, I'm the impression guy.' So you imagine the cast at 'SNL' is an A-Team, and you've got the explosives guy, and I'm the impression guy.

Bill Hader

#17. I like to pretend that I'm covering my tracks, bracing for any contingency. Ready for the worst, and all that jazz. I always feel better if there's a plan in place. And in this case, the plan was, Leave the blind guy in charge of the juvenile delinquents and everything will be just fine. Probably.

Cherie Priest

#18. In high school, I used to think it was like sooooo cool if a guy had an awesome car. Now none of that matters. These days I look for character and honesty and trust.

Taylor Swift

#19. When it came to hip-hop ... I don't know. Maybe I was insecure. You know, this is the early '90s. If you were a white guy, and you were rapping, that wasn't as accepted yet. I was scared of the quiet Northeast suburbs, so I couldn't embrace my full rapper self.

Charlie Day

#20. If y'all see me in the news, and I make the news for something that I ain't got no business making it for, don't bash me. Say it was a young guy living.

Clinton Portis

#21. If you lived the doubles, as I did, which was very stressful, you are sitting down in a chair experiencing a match without being able to hold a racquet in your hands.

Guy Forget

#22. I came from Bill Blass, where it was a well-oiled machine and if I said I needed a fabric, it was done. Now, I have to budget everything. I have to take on the role not just as a designer but a business. But I'm a glass half-full kind of guy.

Prabal Gurung

#23. What kind of name is Siler-Spence? I mean, what's wrong with these women who use hyphens? What if her name was Skowinski and she married a guy named Levondowski? Would her little liberated soul insist she go through life as F.Gwendolin Skowinski- Levondowski?

John Grisham

#24. If I ever get looks on the street, which, for the record, is almost never, it's rarely because they think I'm someone they saw in a movie. More often someone sees me and thinks, 'Hey, was that guy my waiter the other night?'

Patrick Wilson

#25. Hey, I have a weird question," I said. "What does it mean if a guy calls you 'bang tidy'?"
Marna snorted. "Sounds like something a dirty wanker would say. Or someone pissing about."
Now it was my turn to snort, because she'd called Kai a wanker.

Wendy Higgins

#26. A coach can't be concerned with the poor ballplayer. If the player can't make it, he's got to be out right away. It's a very tough aspect of coaching, and in this aspect I was weak. Also, some guys get fat on coaching, they get healthy and strong, but other guys get ulcers.

John McNally

#27. I was never the smartest guy in the room. From the first person I hired, I was never the smartest guy in the room. And that's a big deal. And if you're going to be a leader - if you're a leader and you're the smartest guy in the world - in the room, you've got real problems.

Jack Welch

#28. Y'know, if I was a sexy type of undead, like a vampire or something, I'm sure I'd have some kind of supernatural power to bring any guy I liked under my charismatic control.
Best I can hope for is to decompose over someone's shoes. How romantic.

Justin MacCormack

#29. I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because for many, many years I was the guy whose only contribution to any conversation was, 'There was a funny 'Simpson's' joke about that.'

Joss Whedon

#30. My chops were not as fast ... [but] I just learned more on what was in my mind than what was in my chops. I learned a long time ago that one note can go a long way if it's the right one, and it will probably whip the guy with twenty notes

Les Paul

#31. Bush, it will go down in history, it's unbelievable that guy was president. Unbelievable. I'm sure, I'm 100 percent sure, in one hundred years, in one thousand years if society's still standing, they're going to say, "That guy was president? Like, what?" I know that to be a fact. RORY

Chris Smith

#32. I hate to see a guy who insults a girl or is bad with her. Immediately I think she would be better if she was with me.

Niall Horan

#33. I was having tea with a guy I was introduced to, about the possibility of working with him at his production company. He asked me if I'd written anything, and I said yes. Then he said 'why don't you just shoot it'? And I thought, "duh!" Best advice I ever got.

Chika Anadu

#34. Today someone asked me if that old stereotype about hot-headed Italians is true. I answered this way: About 2,000 years ago, there was a guy running around hollering about peace & love ... and we nailed his ass to a cross! (Hope that answers your fuckin' question!)

Quentin R. Bufogle

#35. I didn't think he was a robot ... but I did wonder if his emotions had been designed out of him. Of course, with a guy, how could I tell? Ha ha!

James Patterson

#36. Allow me to spell it out for you," I said calmly. "I am still absolutely terrified of marriage, but I would marry you tonight if it was a way for me to prove how much I believe that you're the guy for me.

Monica Alexander

#37. Then, as the priest was emerging somewhat uneasily from his lair, he went straight up to him, looked deep into his eyes, and growled into his face: 'If you weren't wearing skirts, what a punch I'd give you right on your ugly snout, wouldn't I just!

Guy De Maupassant

#38. Even if I was a bad right wing guy, to the extent of whether my arguments are right or wrong, they're right or wrong independently if I'm right or left.

Bjorn Lomborg

#39. If you win a Super Bowl before you're fired, you're a genius, and everyone listens to you. But a coach is just a guy whose best class in grammar school was recess and whose best class in high school was P.E. I never thought I was anything but a guy whose best class was P.E.

John Madden

#40. I know not where we go from here. I do not think this is the end, but a new beginning, a new chapter in our tale. Told by minstrels who reveal not their sources. I know not if we have achieved victory this day. But I will forever know that I was honored to call each and everyone of you my brother.

Guy T. Simpson Jr.

#41. On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.

Paul Merton

#42. I'd say "what are the odds?", but I don't believe in odds anymore. I believe in a universe with a very specific and occasionally cruel sense of humor. But its cruelty is refining, if you survive it.
(Upon learning a housemate was related to Guy Fawkes)

Adrian Lamo

#43. I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't
think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.

Bill Hicks

#44. So when I was beating the guy, I started thinking, 'What if I was Hannah Montana?' ... And little do they know that that's why I look so insane ... I'm torturing myself with thoughts of, 'How could I actually pull off being a high school student and a pop star at night?'

Eli Roth

#45. One of the first auditions I had in New York was for a commercial where I had to go in and audition to be a snake charmer ... It was either some bank commercial or something where they wanted a guy charming a snake ... I remember they wanted to know if I actually knew how to snake charm.

Aasif Mandvi

#46. If I had a crush on a guy, my tactic was to tell them I had a crush on them. And they always thought it was super-cute, so it usually worked in my favor!

Leven Rambin

#47. I took a very careful hold of the metal door handle. No shocks and nothing exploded. I pulled gently and the door yielded, but I stayed on the balls of my feet. If I felt the tension of a wire or heard a click, I was going to set a new land speed record for a scared white guy in a hazmat suit.

Jonathan Maberry

#48. If you're a guy, I'm sure you already know that their most famous product is that litle plastic stariner at the bototm of urinals, and you probably still laugh every time you look down and see PISHER written in happy bold letters, like maybe it was to remind you why you were standing there.

Neal Shusterman

#49. He's a great writer. If I didn't think so I wouldn't have tried to kill him ... I was the champ and when I read his stuff I knew he had something. So I dropped a heavy glass skylight on his head at a drinking party. But you can't kill the guy. He's not human.

Ernest Hemingway,

#50. I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.

Steven Wright

#51. Ultimately, I hoped the tiny-house guy was similar to me: a sane person without a big agenda, who simply wanted a way to make sense of the world, to create a new map with a big X in the middle labeled "Home," even if that meant shrinking his world down to the size of an area rug.

Dee Williams

#52. The guy is a total idiot. Forget him," Luke said, and wiped the lone tear that was running down her cheek. "I promise I won't ever do that to you."
"Please don't make promises if you can't keep them," she said, feeling her guard going up a little.
"I always keep my promises.

Kat Green

#53. Most people, when they think of an insult, they keep it to themselves. But you wouldn't believe the things people say on my Twitter feed, and I'm a nice guy. Imagine if I was a jerk.

Jeff Ross

#54. We crossed the Avenue Bosquet against the light and then we made an arbitrary left into the Rue Jean Nicot. Joe stopped at a tabac and bought cigarettes. I would have smiled if I had been able to. The street was named after the guy who discovered nicotine.

Lee Child

#55. Playing Destroyo, who was sort of a Silence Of The Lambs type character, I'd say I was wearing about 50 pounds of rubber and foam rubber and makeup. But I had no idea who The Tick was. I'm not a big graphic-novel guy. I don't even know if The Tick was a graphic novel!

Kurt Fuller

#56. When I go to a movie, I'm always thrilled if I've seen an actor do something and I didn't realize until the end of the movie that that was that person. I love that.

Guy Pearce

#57. Growing up in Ohio and just being kind of an average guy from flyover country - my dad was a factory guy - I try to put things on a screen that reflect reality. I don't mind if people want to argue with that, or think that's crazy.

Roger Ailes

#58. In my relationship with a young guy I was going with in a band - his name was Sylvester, and I think he had another little girl on the side - I told him, 'If you lose me, you're going to lose a good thing.' And I went home and put that poem to music.

Barbara Lynn

#59. Whenever I see a homeless guy, I always run back and give him money, because I think, 'Oh my God, what if that was Jesus?'

Pamela Anderson

#60. I was about sixteen when I discovered that music could get you laid, so I got into music boy, didn't matter what you looked like either, you could be a geeky looking guy but if you played music, whoa, you'd get the girls.

Tommy Chong

#61. There's no such thing as a perfect guy. I think it would be strange if somebody was absolutely everything you always wanted, because then there'd be no challenge. Also, you'd feel inferior.

Jessica Alba

#62. When you've got a guy that's going to look for you, you run. A lot of people think I can't run, but my thing was I wasn't going to be running if you're not going to throw it. I know Nash will throw it.

Shaquille O'Neal

#63. My dad was in the army so we moved around a lot and I changed schools every year and had to make new friends, and I found that if I was the funny guy I could do that easier.

Jason Gann

#64. Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.

Simone Elkeles

#65. I really wasn't sure if I wanted this guy knowing where I lived. After all, he was wielding a baseball bat, and I had just seen him strike several people with that bat.

Holly Hood

#66. For me, the key is I always have to be the same person. If someone was to hear me say something on Fox and hear me say something different on NPR, they would say, 'The guy is a hypocrite.'

Juan Williams

#67. A novel it's different. It's kind of exhilarating not to have to cut to the bone constantly. Oh, well I can go over here for a moment. I can say what I think the guy was thinking or what the day looked like or what the bird was doing. If you do that as a playwright, you're dead.

David Mamet

#68. I never did say that you can't be a nice guy and win. I said that if I was playing third base and my mother rounded third with the winning run, I'd trip her up.

Leo Durocher

#69. When I was twenty-five, I went on exactly four dates with a much older guy whom I'll call Peter Parker. I'm calling him Peter Parker because the actual guy's name was also alliterative, and because, well, it's my book and I'll name a guy I dated after Spider-Man's alter ego if I want to.

Mindy Kaling

#70. Frankly, I couldn't be more astonished that this guy was involved in something like this than if you came riding through my apartment on a hippopotamus.

Dan Rather

#71. I'm more of a science head, so I was like how would a guy use - if there were ghosts - technology to bring them back?

Paul Feig

#72. If I was going to shoot you, we wouldn't be having this conversation. What's your name?" The Italian lifted his head enough to meet Sergei's gaze. "Who wants to know?" Sergei rolled his eyes. "The guy who's going to decide whether you wake up tomorrow in a hospital, a jail cell, or a morgue." He

L.A. Witt

#73. Part of the plot was a knock that V wanted to bring down the government and bring chaos. I don't know why I thought of Guy Fawkes, because it was during the summer. I thought that would be great if he looked like Guy Fawkes, kind of theatrical.

David Lloyd

#74. I never thought I was finished when people said I was finished, or any of that stuff. I always had this undying belief that even if I was in a wheelchair and I could only move my finger, somehow I would become the guy who does the amazing thing with his finger.

Jim Carrey

#75. She could not leave him hanging like this. "If you were hurt, I need to know." It was a rule somewhere, in the good-guy handbook.

Tara Janzen

#76. I shot a Metallica video in Hollywood, and there were, like, 100 people on set. There was even a guy there to put antiseptic gel on my hands. Amazing. If I asked for that on a Danish set, they'd probably kick me out of the country.

Thomas Vinterberg

#77. Being in the Marine Corps was the best thing that ever happened to me. It can do a lot for a young guy. I owe a lot to the Marine Corps. If I had a son, I'd want him to be a Marine.

Tom Monaghan

#78. I'm big and a lot of the stars are smaller so if you're big and mean looking, you play bad guys. After Blade Runner, I was the meanest guy in Hollywood.

Brion James

#79. I'm a bad guy. But if I was a good guy, nobody would want to pay to see me fight.

Mike Tyson

#80. I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it - all those fancy costumes and all. Sally said I was a sacrilegious atheist. I probably am. The thing Jesus really would've liked would be the guy who plays the kettle drums in the orchestra.

J.D. Salinger

#81. People have all these preconceptions about me. Whereas if you look at the roles, Henry Hill was the nicest guy in 'Goodfellas!' I was a nice guy too in the comedy 'Heartbreakers.' And I was a really sweet father to Johnny Depp in 'Blow!'

Ray Liotta

#82. She was supportive, didn't pry or expect anything from me, and sensed when I needed my space. If she were a guy, I'd probably date her. Or, if I were a lesbian. And if she were a lesbian. I guess we'd both have to be lesbians for that to work. Regardless, she made a pretty great friend.

Temple West

#83. I threw the opening pitch at a Blue Jays game, and after the pitch, the mascot asked me if I wanted him to sign the game ball, which I thought was funny. What would he write? "Best Wishes, Some Guy in a Bird Suit"?"

Ken Jennings

#84. If I go out in the street and one guy gets a picture, then someone calls the press to say Mario was there. The day after in the press, it's, 'Mario was there'. That's normal, I just walk in town like a normal guy.

Mario Balotelli

#85. What do you see in a guy like Christian Prescott? he asked me that night when he dropped me off from prom. And what he was really saying then, what would have come through loud and clear if I hadn't been so blind was, why don't you see me?

Cynthia Hand

#86. He was so close to me in that moment, too close, but I had never pushed a guy away for that. If anything I pulled them nearer, taking them in, as I did now, sure in my belief that knowing me that well would easily be enough to scare them away.

Sarah Dessen

#87. I've had teammates I didn't get along with, who hasn't? I've never had a teammate call me a bad guy, while he was my teammate, and if he did when I was gone what kind of teammate was he anyway?

Curt Schilling

#88. I didn't worry about leaving Jay with Pagan this time. I was sure
he'd get the message when he read his ticket.
After all when a guy reads,
She's mine. That's your one and only warning.
Dank Walker
He knows if he isn't ready for a fight he can't win then he'd better back the fuck off.

Abbi Glines

#89. I remember meeting you, Hall," Nathan said. "I knew right away you were a good guy."
"I don't know if I was," I said. "Maybe I just ended up becoming what you wanted me to be. If that's the case, I thank you for it.

Michael Panush

#90. Great. So if I saw a guy standing still, and he wasn't wearing an old uniform, I just had to ask him to walk through furniture. If he stared at me like I was crazy, then I'd know he wasn't a ghost. - Chloe

Kelley Armstrong

#91. I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Mitch Hedberg

#92. I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'

Jim Gaffigan

#93. I knew if I had to struggle, I couldn't struggle in New York. My ego was too big for it. I couldn't be a guy who is starving when I had a very successful business when I was young.

Jeremy Luke

#94. Ali was a guy that had a lot of discipline. If you hung around him, you'd be able to get some of that discipline that he had. And I learned from that. He was a sweet man.

Larry Holmes

#95. I mean I'm 16 and 17 years wiser now. So if I could do it when I was 18 with a guy, I can certainly do it at 33 with a lady.

Charlie Hunnam

#96. The 77-grain bullet has great penetration, too. I shot one guy through the windshield of a car and hit him in the head, right where I was aiming, killing him instantly. If I had been using the lighter bullet, I think it would have been deflected.

Hans Halberstadt

#97. If it was just me and Elvis one on one, which only happened once or twice in the times that I did see him, it was a really comfortable. He was a cool guy. Easy laugh, nice guy.

Mac Davis

#98. Magnus tells me I was a hero. And I see on your face when you're looking at me that you're searching for that guy. The guy you knew who was a hero, who did great things. I don't remember doing those things. I don't know if that makes me not a hero anymore. But I'd like to try to be that guy again.

Cassandra Clare

#99. Only one in four has a chance at making it ... And right there, I knew that if one of us was getting off dope, and staying off dope, it was going to be me. I was going to live. I was the guy.

Anthony Bourdain

#100. I've really enjoyed B.R.P.D. since its first days when Guy Davis was an artist on the title, and if anyone is looking for an end of the world Cthulhu apocalypse title, Mignola and Arcudi and the artists who work the title do a fantastic job.

Ben Peek