Top 100 Gottfried Quotes
#1. But as the late- seventeenth-century philosopher Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz said, 'To be neutral is rather like someone who lives in the middle of a house and is smoked out from below and drenched with urine from above.
Eleanor Herman
#2. Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.
Gilbert Gottfried
#3. I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.
Gilbert Gottfried
#4. Music is the hidden arithmetic of the soul, which does not know that it deals with numbers. (Paraphrasing Gottfried Wilhelm Leibnitz)
Ellen Klages
#5. Night is nature's protest against the leprosy of civilization, Gottfried. No decent man can withstand it for long. He begins to notice that he has been turned out of the silent company of the trees, the animals, the stars, and unconscious life.
Erich Maria Remarque
#6. Bullshit," Salander said again. "Gottfried isn't the only kid who was ever mistreated. That doesn't give him the right to murder women. He made that choice himself. And the same is true of Martin.
Stieg Larsson
#7. Gilbert Gottfried is famously cheap. I'm impressed you're here Gilbert. You gotta buy new clothes and take a week off work just to do this. But you showed up. You tightened your belt and you came. You're like David Carradine.
Greg Giraldo
#8. The soul is the mirror of an indestructible universe. The Monadology.
Gottfried Leibniz
#9. A poet is the creator of the nation around him, he gives them a world to see and has their souls in his hand to lead them to that world.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#10. If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
#11. The means of obtaining as much variety as possible, but with the greatest possible order ... is the means of obtaining as much perfection as possible.
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
#12. I hold that the mark of a genuine idea is that its possibility can be proved, either a priori by conceiving its cause or reason, or a posteriori when experience teaches us that it is in fact in nature.
Gottfried Leibniz
#13. For since it is impossible for a created monad to have a physical influence on the inner nature of another, this is the only way in which one can be dependent on another.
Gottfried Leibniz
#14. I use different kinds of materials on different kinds of projects. Today we can do things with steel and glass that we could not do before. flexible enough to change.
Gottfried Bohm
#16. You people in all parts of the world, who have passed away over the ages, you did not live only to fertilize the earth with your ashes, so that at the end of time your descendants could become happy through European culture
Johann Gottfried Herder
#17. But in simple substances the influence of one monad over another is ideal only.
Gottfried Leibniz
#19. Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
#22. The larger the mass of collected things, the less will be their usefulness. Therefore, one should not only strive to assemble new goods from everywhere, but one must endeavor to put in the right order those that one already possesses.
Gottfried Leibniz
#23. There is nothing waste, nothing sterile, nothing dead in the universe; no chaos, no confusions, save in appearance.
Gottfried Leibniz
#24. Have a vision. Sell your program. Your team is going to reflect you.
Mark Gottfried
#25. For things remain possible, even if God does not choose them. Indeed, even if God does not will something to exist, it is possible for it to exist, since, by its nature, it could exist if God were to will it to exist.
Gottfried Leibniz
#26. The mind is not only capable of knowing [innate ideas], but further of finding them in itself; and if it had only the simple capacity to receive knowledge ... it would not be the source of necessary truths ...
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
#27. Thus we build on the ice, thus we write on the waves of the sea; the waves roaring pass away, the ice melts, and away goes our palace, like our thoughts.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#28. I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
Gilbert Gottfried
#29. The greatness of a life can only be estimated by the multitude of its actions. We should not count the years, it is our actions which constitute our life.
Gottfried Leibniz
#30. Note to goyim readers: not every Jew who grew up in Brooklyn was rich. And as long as I'm on it, here's another note: fuck you. That's all. Whether or not you assumed we were rich, if you're a goyim, fuck you. But keep reading, and tell your friends to buy the book.
Gilbert Gottfried
#31. It follows from what we have just said, that the natural changes of monads come from an internal principle, since an external cause would be unable to influence their inner being.
Gottfried Leibniz
#32. Nothing in Nature stands still; everything strives and moves forward. If we could only view the first stages of creation, how the kingdoms of nature were built one upon the other, a progression of forward-striving forces would reveal itself in all evolution.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#33. The dot was introduced as a symbol for multiplication by Leibniz. On July 29, 1698, he wrote in a letter to Johann Bernoulli: I do not like X as a symbol for multiplication, as it is easily confounded with x ...
Gottfried Leibniz
#34. The appeal by twentieth-century pluralists to scientific method was also ideologically - and even messianically - driven. It ignored scientific data that interfered with environmentalist assumptions and misrepresented socialist faith as "scientific planning.
Paul Edward Gottfried
#35. Plague did not honor social class, and mortality among the nobility approximated that of the general population.
Robert Steven Gottfried
#36. Streamlined time details are especially important, because by having to take a close look, we discover new things. Because of this, details will remain part of the building in the mind's eye
Gottfried Bohm
#37. Our reasonings are grounded upon two great principles, that of contradiction, in virtue of which we judge false that which involves a contradiction, and true that which is opposed or contradictory to the false.
Gottfried Leibniz
#38. If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.
Gilbert Gottfried
#39. It is worth noting that the notation facilitates discovery. This, in a most wonderful way, reduces the mind's labour.
Gottfried Leibniz
#40. Music is a secret and unconscious mathematical problem of the soul.
Gottfried Leibniz
#41. But it is the knowledge of necessary and eternal truths which distinguishes us from mere animals, and gives us reason and the sciences, raising us to knowledge of ourselves and God. It is this in us which we call the rational soul or mind.
Gottfried Leibniz
#43. Soup simmering, music of idle gossip, yammering kids, domestic chaos - long adjusted to this rolling scene, you show them your lofty calm.
Gottfried Keller
#45. Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
Gilbert Gottfried
#46. Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.
Gilbert Gottfried
#47. When a truth is necessary, the reason for it can be found by analysis, that is, by resolving it into simpler ideas and truths until the primary ones are reached.
Gottfried Leibniz
#48. Brave is the lion tamer, brave is the world subduer, but braver is the one who has subdued himself.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#49. And there must be simple substances, because there are compounds; for the compound is nothing but a collection or aggregatum of simples.
Gottfried Leibniz
#50. We never have a full demonstration, although there is always an underlying reason for the truth, even if it is only perfectly understood by God, who alone penetrated the infinite series in one stroke of the mind.
Gottfried Leibniz
#51. I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
Gilbert Gottfried
#52. I maintain also that substances, whether material or immaterial, cannot be conceived in their bare essence without any activity, activity being of the essence of substance in general.
Gottfried Leibniz
#54. Now where there are no parts, there neither extension, nor shape, nor divisibility is possible. And these monads are the true atoms of nature and, in a word, the elements of things.
Gottfried Leibniz
#57. He who has money, lives long: he who has authority, can do no wrong: he who has might, establishes right. Such is history! Ecce historia!
Gottfried Benn
#58. Woman is superlative; the best leader in life, the best guide in happy days, the best consoler in sorrow.
Johann Gottfried Seume
#59. This interconnection or accommodation of all created things to each other, and each to all the others, brings it about that each simple substance has relations that express all the others, and consequently, that each simple substance is a perpetual, living mirror of the universe.
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
#60. Therefore, I have attacted [the problem of the catenary] which I had hitherto not attempted, and with my key [the differential calculus] happily opened its secret.
Acta eruditorum
Gottfried Leibniz
#61. Touch not the flute when drums are sounding around; when fools have the word, the wise will be silent.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#62. The savage who loves himself, his wife and child with quiet joy and glows with limited activity of his tribe as for his own life is in my opinion a more real being than that cultivated shadow who is enraptured with the shadow of the whole species
Johann Gottfried Herder
#63. Those that embrace the entire universe with love, for the most part love nothing, but their narrow selves.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#64. I don't say that bodies like flint, which are commonly called inanimate, have perceptions and appetition; rather they have something of that sort in them, as worms are in cheese.
Gottfried Leibniz
#65. Natural religion itself, seems to decay very much. Many will have human souls to be material: others make God himself a corporeal being.
Gottfried Leibniz
#66. I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.
Gilbert Gottfried
#67. Indeed in general I hold that there is nothing truer than happiness, and nothing happier and sweeter than truth.
Gottfried Leibniz
#68. The ultimate reason of things must lie in a necessary substance, in which the differentiation of the changes only exists eminently as in their source; and this is what we call God.
Gottfried Leibniz
#69. We should like Nature to go no further; we should like it to be finite, like our mind; but this is to ignore the greatness and majesty of the Author of things.
Gottfried Leibniz
#70. I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
#71. I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
Gilbert Gottfried
#72. I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.'
Gilbert Gottfried
#73. A building is a human being's space and the background for his dignity and its exterior should reflect its contents and function
Gottfried Bohm
#74. I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
Gilbert Gottfried
#76. I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
Gilbert Gottfried
#77. In my judgment an organic machine new to nature never arises, since it always contains an infinity of organs so that it can express, in its own way, the whole universe; indeed, it always contains all past and present times.
Gottfried Leibniz
#78. [...] we can find no true or existent fact, no true assertion, without there being a sufficient reason why it is thus and not otherwise, although most of the time these reasons cannot be known to us.
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
#79. To think what is true, to sense what is beautiful and to want what is good, hereby the spirit finds purpose of a life in reason.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#80. With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.
Gilbert Gottfried
#81. Man ought always to have something that he prefers to life; otherwise life itself will seem to him tiresome and void.
Johann Gottfried Seume
#82. The most perfect society is that whose purpose
is the universal and supreme happiness.
Gottfried Leibniz
#83. If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'
Gilbert Gottfried
#84. Nothing is accomplished all at once, and it is one of my great maxims, and one of the most completely verified, that Nature makes no leaps: a maxim which I have called the law of continuity.
Gottfried Leibniz
#86. Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life.
Gottfried Reinhardt
#87. New buildings should fit naturally into their surroundings, both architecturally and historically, without denying or prettifying the concerns of our time
Gottfried Bohm
#88. I feel there is a strong bond between artists and children and all other sacred fools.
Gottfried Helnwein
#89. The people need a master only as long as they have no understanding of their own. The more it acquires understanding, the more the government is bound to change its methods and to disappear. The most noble end of government is to become dispensable, so that everyone must govern himself.
Johann Gottfried Herder
#90. A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'
Gilbert Gottfried
#91. Fermented foods contain natural probiotics, or healthy bacteria, that can take your health to the next level. Nearly every culture has a version of a fermented food: yogurt, kefir, miso, and fermented vegetables, including sauerkraut, pickles, and kimchi.
Sara Gottfried
#92. ... if geometry were as much opposed to our passions and present interests as is ethics, we should contest it and violate I but little less, notwithstanding all the demonstrations of Euclid and Archimedes ...
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
#93. Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
#96. I am convinced that the unwritten knowledge scattered among men of different callings surpasses in quantity and in importance anything we find in books, and that the greater part of our wealth has yet to be recorded.
Gottfried Leibniz
#97. I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.
Gilbert Gottfried
#98. When God works miracles, he does not do it in order to supply the wants of nature, but those of grace. Whoever thinks otherwise, must needs have a very mean notion of the wisdom and power of God.
Gottfried Leibniz
#100. I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.
Gilbert Gottfried
