Top 20 Funny You're Fired Quotes
#1. It was funny to be an emcee, because you're so at the mercy of the club. You can show up for the weekend hoping to get the $400 - and get fired. I had to prank whoever they told me to prank.
John Mulaney
#2. I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.
Ellen DeGeneres
#3. But I forgot to tell him," I said quietly, opening the door, "that the villain is usually the person who locks up the maiden and throws away the key."
"Oh?"
I shrugged. "He was the one who let me out.".
Sarah J. Maas
#4. My cheerleader part in 'Fired Up!' is really funny.
Julianna Guill
#5. I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
#6. We know that there are children out there whose parents do not take the kind of interest in their upbringing and in their existence that we would wish, but I don't think censorship is ever the solution to any problem, be it societal or be it the kind of information or ideas that you have access to.
Judith Krug
#7. She jumps on me for sharing pain with the living, but she tries to share it with the dead.
Octavia E. Butler
#8. I don't think pornography is harmful, but it is terribly, terribly boring.
Noel Coward
#9. I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it, because when they fired me, I had to show up to work anyway.
Wallace Wang
#10. I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
#11. I love insults, devastating takedowns, things that could be described by Twitter hacks as 'shots fired,' and funny ad hominem attacks.
Alex Pareene
#12. It's funny, when you become an actor and you're successful, they don't want to talk about acting any more. 'Hey let's talk about that stuff you were fired from.'
Nicholas Brendon
#13. He suddenly remembered the tape he had taken from Susan's answering machine, and hoped to God there wasn't anything more important in Gordon's message than ravings about rabbits.
Douglas Adams
#14. I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, "OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell."
Margaret Cho
#15. But questioning does not mean the end of loving, and loving does not mean the abnegation of intelligence
Winifred Holtby
#17. Above all, we owe it to the children of the world to stop the conflicts and to create new horizons for them.
F. W. De Klerk
#18. You realize people like you and Trav are going to fight, right?" America said, filing her nails as she chewed the huge wad of gum in her mouth.
I turned over on the bed. "You are officially fired. You are a terrible conscious.
Jamie McGuire
#19. The building is an old strip club. The sign reads "Fuzzy Holes." That's a funny name for a club. On the sign below the name is reads "We fired the ugly one. Come on in!
Joseph Zuko
#20. I've fully embraced who I am. I stopped fighting with people and just come to realize, 'This is me. This is all of me.'
Estelle
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