Funny You Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 100 famous quotes and sayings about funny you to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 100 Funny You Quotes

#1. Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop? - Author: Henny Youngman
Funny You Quotes #90
#2. What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over. - Author: Paul Feig
Funny You Quotes #410
#3. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again? - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny You Quotes #527
#4. Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding. - Author: Tamora Pierce
Funny You Quotes #1115
#5. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited. - Author: Michael Kors
Funny You Quotes #1161
#6. It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon. - Author: Jackie Vernon
Funny You Quotes #1313
#7. Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean. - Author: Ingrid Michaelson
Funny You Quotes #1414
#8. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.' - Author: Bob Newhart
Funny You Quotes #2206
#9. You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell. - Author: Jeni Decker
Funny You Quotes #2291
#10. As an actor myself, the opportunity to sing and dance and be dramatic and be funny - it's really irresistible to actors. You get to show all sides of your talent. - Author: Elizabeth Banks
Funny You Quotes #2933
#11. You said she's a senior? Babe we're ALL crazy. - Author: Cecily Von Ziegesar
Funny You Quotes #3153
#12. The way you might fear a cow sitting down in the middle of the street during rush hour, that's how I fear Canadians. - Author: Maria Semple
Funny You Quotes #3272
#13. And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up. - Author: Nigella Lawson
Funny You Quotes #3304
#14. The Salton Sea is a huge dead lake south of Palm Springs. There's a town there that's the asshole of the armpit of the world. You'd fit right in. - Author: Neal Shusterman
Funny You Quotes #3354
#15. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go. - Author: Kendall Ryan
Funny You Quotes #3529
#16. You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin." - Author: Louis C.K.
Funny You Quotes #3798
#17. Teaching someone to be funny is like teaching someone to be fast. They're already fast. You're just making them faster. - Author: Ali Farahnakian
Funny You Quotes #3980
#18. A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key. - Author: Jennifer Lopez
Funny You Quotes #3999
#19. I'm a cartoonist, it's what I am at heart, so cartoons take reality and deform it and make it grotesque, you make it funny, but you alter it. If it works, it's based on reality. That's what I try to do. - Author: Terry Gilliam
Funny You Quotes #4177
#20. Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up. - Author: Frank Zappa
Funny You Quotes #4636
#21. I know that look. What are you up to, Gwen?"
"What makes you think I'm up to something?"
The Valkyrie snorted. "You're breathing, aren't you? - Author: Jennifer Estep
Funny You Quotes #4904
#22. A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
Funny You Quotes #5060
#23. Every once in a while you definitely have to film someone for half an hour saying something that you do not think is funny because for the previous two hours they said a bunch of stuff that you think is really funny. - Author: Seth Rogen
Funny You Quotes #5200
#24. You realize you've been staring at me for the past five minutes? - Author: Catherine Doyle
Funny You Quotes #5369
#25. Hey guys, what did the lion say after eating the clown?" The boys stopped. One looked confused, but the other grinned. "What?" he called. "I don't know about you, but I think that tasted kind of funny. - Author: Erin Nicholas
Funny You Quotes #5577
#26. A funny thing about charisma: the same people who can make you feel an inch tall can also make you feel huge, fortified, sometimes almost simultaneously. - Author: Garth Risk Hallberg
Funny You Quotes #5608
#27. He slammed the door shut in Ian's face, the lock clicking into place. Ian hit it again with his fist before roaring, If I were a pervert, I'd be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive. - Author: Rose Wynters
Funny You Quotes #5758
#28. People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben." - Author: Jim Gaffigan
Funny You Quotes #6066
#29. Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers - six if one went to Harvard. - Author: Edgar Fiedler
Funny You Quotes #6261
#30. Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree. - Author: G.K. Chesterton
Funny You Quotes #6270
#31. You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners ... - Author: Kristen Schaal
Funny You Quotes #6632
#32. Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow. - Author: Tobias Wolff
Funny You Quotes #6763
#33. How does one conquer fear, Don B.?" "One takes a frog and sews it to one's shoe," he said. "The left or the right?" Don B. gave me a pitying look. "Well, you'd look mighty funny going down the street with only one frog sewed to your shoes, wouldn't you?" he said. "One frog on each shoe. - Author: Donald Barthelme
Funny You Quotes #7432
#34. Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team! - Author: Pittacus Lore
Funny You Quotes #7646
#35. This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?"

"It's a walking stick, I'll have you know."

"Same difference."

"Hardly. It's fashion. - Author: Danika Stone
Funny You Quotes #7966
#36. What I like about you is that I've never met anybody like you in my life. You've got depth and you're funny and you have a sweet, good soul." A breeze from the water passes over us, "And I admire your strength. - Author: Augusten Burroughs
Funny You Quotes #8210
#37. It's funny, you know. The times that seem so trivial end up meaning so much. - Author: Jeffrey Blount
Funny You Quotes #8434
#38. Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. - Author: Richelle E. Goodrich
Funny You Quotes #9129
#39. Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool. - Author: Britney Spears
Funny You Quotes #9149
#40. Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."
My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look.
Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right.
"It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven."
"Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy. - Author: Jeaniene Frost
Funny You Quotes #9786
#41. Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age. - Author: Julia Roberts
Funny You Quotes #10124
#42. You can't put a price tag on preparation for a pandemic. - Author: Richard E. Besser
Funny You Quotes #10409
#43. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?"
Michelle said dryly.
"That the boy most likely to become the next Unabomber has a crush on you? - Author: Carla Cassidy
Funny You Quotes #10599
#44. "I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird." - Author: Eddie Izzard
Funny You Quotes #10742
#45. If you're driving your car and someone winds the window down and gives you the finger and calls you an asshole, instead of giving him the finger back and calling him an asshole back, you just pull a funny face, and he doesn't know how to react to that, because you're using different rules. - Author: Steve Coogan
Funny You Quotes #10776
#46. Success is a funny thing. You can't really enjoy it when you're empty. Your heart is a bottomless sinkhole that swallows up everything and anything that it ingests and yet nothing can fill it. There's no sense of accomplishment; everything is meaningless. - Author: Christine Brae
Funny You Quotes #11058
#47. She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is. - Author: Margaret Watson
Funny You Quotes #12514
#48. Straight, huh? You know, funny thing is, often the straightest of trees have crooked roots. - Author: Ella Frank
Funny You Quotes #12658
#49. I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker. - Author: Jeannine Garsee
Funny You Quotes #12707
#50. RON: Only- friends. Funny word- friends. Not that funny. Just a word, really. Friends. Friend. Funny friend. You, my funny friend, my Hermoine. Not that- not my Hermoine, you understand- not MY Hermoine- not MINE- you know, but... - Author: J.K. Rowling
Funny You Quotes #12828
#51. Adina appealed to the sky. "We asked for rescue and you sent us incompetent rockstar pirates with a broken ship and perfect abs?"
"Thank you, God," Petra said. - Author: Libba Bray
Funny You Quotes #12834
#52. As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house. - Author: George Lopez
Funny You Quotes #13516
#53. America is a magical place, and I think my job, or the job of a lot of us European filmmakers is to just hold up America to Americans and present it to you in a new way. All I wanted to do is in a funny way say, "Look at your country. It's magnificent." - Author: Hans Zimmer
Funny You Quotes #14117
#54. Caroline, do you value your neck?"
"Yes, I'm rather fond of it. Why?"
"Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to wring it. - Author: Julia Quinn
Funny You Quotes #14930
#55. When I first started as an editorial cartoonist, I was terrified on a daily basis. Filling that hole the next day, knowing that tens of thousands of people were going to expect something funny. There is still that pressure, but you kind of learn how to cope with it a little better. - Author: Steve Breen
Funny You Quotes #14934
#56. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there. - Author: Rhys Darby
Funny You Quotes #14940
#57. We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that. - Author: Karl Pilkington
Funny You Quotes #15021
#58. Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see." - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Funny You Quotes #15128
#59. You've brushed your teeth," He says, staring at me.
"I used your toothbrush."
His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you? - Author: E.L. James
Funny You Quotes #15796
#60. If you just stop and think, baby, honey, love is a funny thing. Whatever you put in, that's what you expect to gain. - Author: Jimmy Reed
Funny You Quotes #16581
#61. It was absolutely marvelous working for Pauli. You could ask him anything. There was no worry that he would think a particular question was stupid, since he thought all questions were stupid. - Author: Victor Frederick Weisskopf
Funny You Quotes #16668
#62. Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, "How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?" Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer. - Author: Steve McConnell
Funny You Quotes #16812
#63. Yes it is" Eragon said before his courage left him "just like you - Author: Christopher Paolini
Funny You Quotes #17331
#64. You've got a man-beast, and a ho-beast. - Author: Chris Jericho
Funny You Quotes #17959
#65. Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?"
I dropped my pick. "Do you always shop at Hot Topic? - Author: Tara Kelly
Funny You Quotes #18004
#66. The sun weeps because it can no longer caress your skin or warm your lips." He sifted his fingers through my hair. "I do not envy the sun, Eva. But I truly hate the moon, because its light touches you in all the ways I cannot. - Author: Michele Bardsley
Funny You Quotes #18014
#67. It's like when you're on hold and a recorded voice comes on telling you how much the company values you as a customer. Really? Then maybe you should hire some more support people so I don't have to wait thirty minutes to get help. - Author: Jason Fried
Funny You Quotes #18132
#68. The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill. - Author: Cuthbert Soup
Funny You Quotes #18266
#69. I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist - Author: Gena Showalter
Funny You Quotes #18360
#70. I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty? - Author: John Layfield
Funny You Quotes #18705
#71. Depends. (Adron)
On? (Livia)
Whether or not they're plotting against you. Taryn's like a head injury. It's only funny when it happens to someone else. And Tiernan ... I think there's now a hurricane on Chrinon VI named after him. (Adron) - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny You Quotes #18898
#72. Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead? - Author: Jack Whitehall
Funny You Quotes #19467
#73. 15 Step is about how if you have mental illness and try to dance you look very funny. Whenever you see me dancing on stage, I'm imitating the mentally ill. - Author: Thom Yorke
Funny You Quotes #21358
#74. On some level in acting, what you're trying to find is truth, because when it's true is when it's also funny. - Author: David Hyde Pierce
Funny You Quotes #21831
#75. It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves. - Author: John Bulwer
Funny You Quotes #22779
#76. Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?" - Author: Anthony Griffin
Funny You Quotes #22780
#77. Are you educated in the art of medicine?" Yeah, the art of Walgreens and Urgent Care. "A bit," I hedged. - Author: Lisa T Bergren
Funny You Quotes #22797
#78. You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me. - Author: Chevy Chase
Funny You Quotes #23551
#79. Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?"
"I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go. - Author: Shannon K. Butcher
Funny You Quotes #24025
#80. It was funny how as soon as you knew there was something better, what you had seemed unbearable. - Author: Max Barry
Funny You Quotes #24030
#81. Honey, what's the Detective doing here?"

"Tag, you never told me Wayne was so funny!"

"Wayne?"

"That's me. Most detectives also have first names. - Author: Jules Cassard
Funny You Quotes #24231
#82. You're thoughtful, Barbara, but you're not open. You're passionate, but you're hard. You're a good, decent, funny, wonderful woman, and I love you, but you're a pain in the ass. - Author: Tracy Letts
Funny You Quotes #25045
#83. Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I wont post it on the internet, it'll just be my screen saver. - Author: Jane Harvey-Berrick
Funny You Quotes #25145
#84. Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth. - Author: Stephen Baldwin
Funny You Quotes #25280
#85. Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Do you expect to attend many balls, if I may ask?' and I said, 'Yes, when I am rich and famous.' and Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Yes, when the moon is made of green cheese. - Author: L.M. Montgomery
Funny You Quotes #25284
#86. You think this is funny?" I snorted. "You would. Your sense of humor is so dark, even the lesser demons don't get you. - Author: Pippa DaCosta
Funny You Quotes #25477
#87. If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. - Author: Judah Friedlander
Funny You Quotes #25525
#88. People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose, take after take - that's why I said for me it was new territory, and so by improvising something might come out that might be good. And it's film, so they can cut it if it isn't. - Author: Denzel Washington
Funny You Quotes #25596
#89. I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny You Quotes #25899
#90. People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist ... how do we fix Africa?' - Author: Bo Burnham
Funny You Quotes #26607
#91. Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place. - Author: Richelle Mead
Funny You Quotes #27025
#92. Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible! - Author: Lewis Carroll
Funny You Quotes #27039
#93. I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people's nightmares. - Author: Bauvard
Funny You Quotes #27418
#94. Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing. - Author: Denis Leary
Funny You Quotes #27548
#95. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? - Author: Lily Tomlin
Funny You Quotes #27691
#96. My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf." - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Funny You Quotes #27820
#97. Y are you called the cheese man? - Author: Barbara Park
Funny You Quotes #28083
#98. You should just dump the whole saving the world plan and go with global domination. It's probably be more fun. - Author: Katie MacAlister
Funny You Quotes #28422
#99. If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Funny You Quotes #28528
#100. I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes. - Author: Bo Burnham
Funny You Quotes #29514

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