Top 18 Funny Toilet Paper Quotes

#1. Life before toilet paper was not worth living.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #233501
#2. I had quite a religious upbringing. I gave my life over to Christ at 11. I took it back when I was about 14.

Brian Molko

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #261258
#3. He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.

Adam Rex

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #484274
#4. There is a sense of exhilaration that comes from facing head-on the hard truths and saying, "We will never give up. We will never capitulate. It might take a long time, but we will find a way to prevail."

James C. Collins

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #611207
#5. There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.

Evan Osnos

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #640052
#6. My own personal, moral, spiritual, religious, etc. beliefs don't oppose same-gender marriage.

Ed Case

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #783985
#7. I could now see her the way she actually is and not in the distorted way my mind presented her to me when I was trying to find a reason to reject her and move on

Jack Weyland

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #836925
#8. You're a goddamn thief and a liar, Gillian..." he whispered against my mouth as he slid his hand between my thighs and tore off my soaked panties. "A goddamn thief and a liar.

Whitney G.

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #868098
#9. With the invention of the blog and all this Internet stuff, everybody has an opinion; everybody has a voice. In fact, there was a time when the average person didn't have a voice so you had to pick an artist to speak for you.

Ice-T

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1109009
#10. Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Kristen Schaal

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1247823
#11. The Internet is the crime scene of the 21st Century.

Cyrus Vance Jr.

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1264672
#12. I love my ex so much I printed out all his pictures. After all, I need him for target practice. And I just love customised toilet paper and doormats. My only regret is that those items don't bear his autograph.

Natalya Vorobyova

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1265833
#13. She's your soft place, son. A man needs a soft place to land when life gets fucked.

Nicole Jacquelyn

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1280980
#14. Maybe." Possibly. Probably.

Nenia Campbell

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1284683
#15. One of the most jolting days of adulthood comes the first time you run out of toilet paper. Toilet paper, up until this point, always just existed. And now it's a finite resource, constantly in danger of extinction, that must be carefully tracked and monitored, like pandas?

Kelly Williams Brown

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1404987
#16. The walls of her stall were covered with graffiti. If it had been funny ("Pull here for MFA Degree" right below the toilet paper dispenser) she would've stayed longer, but it was mostly weird random names and dates.

Grady Hendrix

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1527886
#17. You're going to spend more time with yourself than with anyone else in your life. You want to spend that whole time fighting who you are?

Alex Sanchez

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1555175
#18. Walter, my first wife, Laila, used to throw around a quote. I don't know who said it first, but it went something like, 'If men menstruated, there would floating federal holidays for them.

Seth Kaufman

Funny Toilet Paper Quotes #1866950

Famous Authors

Popular Topics

Scroll to Top