Top 100 Funny Stop Quotes
#1. If you just stop and think, baby, honey, love is a funny thing. Whatever you put in, that's what you expect to gain.
Jimmy Reed
#2. Sometimes when Sam's pretending to be in love with me, my stomach does funny things."
"Well, get some milk of magnesia and stop it.
Libba Bray
#3. You can't stop the gears of capitalism. But you can always be a pain in the ass.
Jarett Kobek
#5. I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
Zach Galifianakis
#6. You're starting to look like you did before, and that's not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I'm growing breasts? - Kye
Krista Alasti
#7. I'm currently imagining a few creative ways of causing you extraordinary amounts of pain."
Kingsley raised his chin. Mere inches separated their faces.
"Stop flirting. You know we don't have time for that.
Tiffany Reisz
#8. You laugh when I haven't been funny and you answer right off. You never stop to think what
I've asked you.
Ray Bradbury
#9. Why are you covering your breasts?"
Turning her back to him, she stepped into her dress.
"Why are you so interested in my breasts?"
"I am only interested in them because you hide them," he informed her. "I would not find them interesting if you would stop wearing clothing.
Viola Rivard
#10. When will you stop laughing at misery? I'm so sick and tired of your pseudo-strength. All I want you to do is laugh at what is funny and cry at what isn't, but you won't do that, will you?
David Shields
#11. The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.
Maureen Johnson
#12. It's funny. You love something and one day it's suddenly gone or changed or lost forever. But somehow that doesn't stop your loving. Maybe that's how you know it's the real thing.
Tony Parsons
#13. I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining ... "Sir, could you please stop?"
Louis C.K.
#14. I always surprise myself with my voice. A lot of people don't get it, and they're like, 'You can't sing. Stop. What are you doing?' And it's funny to hear a lot people say I sing in falsetto because it's not falsetto - that's my voice.
Shamir
#15. I've got everything I need right here." That sentimental thought met a room full of cheesy and sarcastic "aw's" and an empty water bottle thrown at my head. No, stop guys, really. You're embarrassing me.
Rachel Higginson
#16. I gotta stop saying "how stupid could you be?" I'm beginning to feel like people are taking as a challenge
Kevin Hart
#17. Alexander? Fine. I'll leave you alone so you can call Lover Boy back." "Stop calling him that." Once he was gone, she punched her pillow a few times. It was funny that Sam thought she could have any man she wanted. If she were just looking for guys who wanted to hang out
CrushStar Romance
#18. Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there.
Alyxandra Harvey
#19. Ish #303 It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.
Regina Griffin
#20. A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.
Frankie Boyle
#21. Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."
"Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment?
E.A. Bucchianeri
#22. I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.
Jeff Garlin
#23. From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!
Russell Howard
#24. I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me ...
Bo Burnham
#25. But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!
Homer
#26. When we met, you couldn't stop staring at my breasts."
His face went pale, as if he seriously thought he was so subtle no one would notice. "Make sure you get an equally satisfactory look a my backside as you leave.
Kiera Cass
#27. I think I write funny songs that make people kind of, like, stop what they're doing and be like, 'What did you say?' And then it makes them laugh a little bit.
Elle King
#28. Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that," Garrett said gruffly. "You'll have me convinced I'm going to die."
"You're not?
Maya Banks
#29. The pigs can't stop the fox; I'm too quick,' Takumi said to himself. I can rhyme while I run; I'm that slick.
John Green
#30. Stop calling me a Nazi." "Why should I?" Miles's hand came down on the desk. "Because the systematic slaughter of millions of people isn't funny!
Francesca Zappia
#31. Sweet Jesus! Sweet, sweet Jesus!" Mom called to the Savior, caught up in the divine intervention that was Hank and me.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Stop cal ing Jesus, Mom. Hank's gonna think you're weird," I snapped.
"She is weird," Dad said.
"I'm not weird," Mom returned.
Kristen Ashley
#32. I stopped at a stop sign at the end of the street, and Margo said, "What the hell? Go go go go go," and I said, "Oh, right," because I had forgotten that I was throwing caution to the wind and everything.
John Green
#33. 717! You are behaving like a demented bluebottle - stop that!
Laline Paull
#34. Really, if that's the case, you need to stop letting your mother dress you funny. It's hard to take anyone serious as a killer when he looks like an investment banker. The only part of me that's nervous is my checkbook. (Kat)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#35. This may sound funny but somewhere in the back of my mind I thought the world would stop for my first day of JH. The day proved me wrong and I've grown to realize that nothing will be quite as I dreamed them up.
Latoya Hunter
#36. Funny, how quickly someone can stop calling you a miscreant and a rogue when they want your help,
Brandon Sanderson
#37. Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting.
Derek Landy
#38. Word of advice, sister mine. If you want to keep your papers private, don't write 'Private' on the cover. It set the mater right off. It was all I could do to stop her sniffing around like some great sniffing thing.
Lauren Willig
#39. If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up.
Shia Labeouf
#40. The reason why a man cannot stop staring at a woman ass is only because God has spent 80 percent of his time and efforts on woman ass and 20 percent on her entire body.
M.F. Moonzajer
#41. Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.
Kenny Everett
#42. I'd love to do a really juicy drama that's just really real. On the comedy side, I'd love to do something like '21 Jump Street.' I cannot stop watching that movie. Really funny, really extreme comedies are definitely my favorite.
Daniela Bobadilla
#43. Occasionally, I go off the rails. I once nearly killed somebody once - it wasn't funny. I am a lunatic. The pressure of work, the pressure - everyone has a stop valve, and I don't have one.
Ozzy Osbourne
#44. The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car.
Derek Landy
#45. If you record the world honestly, there's no way people can stop being funny. A lot of fiction writing doesn't get that idea, as if to acknowledge it would trivialize the story or trivialize human nature, when in fact human nature is reduced and falsified if the comic aspects are not included.
Lorrie Moore
#46. You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'
Ellen DeGeneres
#47. 'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
Tommy Cooper
#48. Stop giggling and squirming and take it like a man.
Sam to Jory during sex
Mary Calmes
#49. I think the second you think that you're funny is when you stop being funny.
Mila Kunis
#50. Funny how when we start to tell a secret, we can't stop. Something falls open in us, and the sheer momentum of letting go pushes us on.
Victoria Schwab
#51. This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I know you. You're that wee golfer, aren't you?' I say, 'Yeah, that's me.' They say, 'Keep it up, wee man.' It's very funny and that's why I want to stay here as long as possible.
Rory McIlroy
#52. Schumacher has made his final stop three times.
Murray Walker
#53. It's funny, I never considered that people are going to see me on the show and maybe stop me on the subway.
Lena Dunham
#54. Sydney did not believe in life after death, but in her experience, admitting this could lead to long and complicated discussions in which people seemed to think that since she did not believe in God or the afterlife, there was nothing to stop her from becoming an ax murderer.
Maureen F. McHugh
#55. It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex," I said. "And this was the spawn."
"My eyes!" Boomer cried. "My eyes! I can't stop seeing it now that you've said it!
David Levithan
#56. Thank you for helping my sister," he says.
I lean forward, mimicking his position. "I'm happy to."
Calliope leans out her window. "STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK.
Stephanie Perkins
#57. She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?"
"Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask.
Carrie Jones
#58. A red eight-sided sign always means:
A) Stop.
B) Go.
C) Danger! Red octogons ahead!
Cuthbert Soup
#59. Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month?
Simon Holt
#60. Oh, Professor Lyall, are you making a funny? It doesn't suit you."
The sandy-haired Beta gave Lady Maccon a dour look. "I am exploring new personality avenues."
"Well, stop it."
"Yes, my lady.
Gail Carriger
#61. You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
Bob Newhart
#62. Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.
Kristen Schaal
#63. And get some self-esteem. What the fuck is that? It's so annoying to see a pretty girl see herself as not worthy. You know what it makes us guys think you aren't worthy? We see you how you see you. You're pretty and funny and smart. Stop being such a douche-canoe.
Tara Brown
#64. Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
Art Linkletter
#65. I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one's intensity is funny.
Jim Dine
#66. Who-who are you?" Seth asked, hesitantly."Wh-what do you want?" How else was was I supposed to reply? The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.I mean, I'd only seen the movie like seventeen times.
"I'm Luke Skywalker," I said. "I'm here to rescue you.
Meg Cabot
#67. A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.
Gilbert Gottfried
#68. I used to roll up: this is a hold up, ain't nuthin funny.
Stop smiling, be still, don't nuthin move but the money.
Rakim
#69. Gee-word?"
"Gods. What were you doin' the day they handed out brains, boy, anyway?"
"Someone was telling a story about stealing a tiger's balls, and I had to stop and find out how it ended.
Neil Gaiman
#70. He really needed to stop being so hot while his hands were on me.
Veronica Blade
#71. Funny. Slave masters thought they were making a difference in black people's lives too. Saving them from their "wild African ways." Same shit, different century. I wish people like them would stop thinking that people like me need saving. One-Fifteen
Angie Thomas
#72. It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Johnny Depp
#73. What are you doing?"
"I'm, uh, acting normal."
"No you're not. You're acting like someone pretending to be normal. Stop pretending and start acting, but don't act like you're not pretending, that'll make it worse.
Derek Landy
#74. Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.
Seanan McGuire
#75. Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised?
Stephenie Meyer
#76. I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Zach Galifianakis
#77. There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that.
Dave Navarro
#78. Fran? Frances Hill, you stop that right now! What the devil's got into you? Ada, you should be ashamed! Braying like a mule, you are! And you, Mattie Gokey ... would you like to tell me what could possibly be so funny?
Jennifer Donnelly
#79. I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.
Richard Pryor
#80. I remember that story. You have read it four times." Samson shrugged. "Why should I stop with the first reading? Nobody says, 'That was a fine piece of music. I'll never listen to that again." But some people treat books that way. Not I!
Karen A. Wyle
#81. Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.
"Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer." he mutters
Bec Botefuhr
#82. I'm having a wonderful time in training. It's so funny because you go through ups and you go through downs. People have to realize that my career started on a down. I got ripped off a Gold Medal at the Olympics but it didn't stop me and it made me a better person.
Roy Jones Jr.
#83. Parker, what are you doing?" "Making a funny face in an effort to make you stop staring at me like I murdered your beloved goldfish.
Penny Reid
#84. My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.
Anthony Jeselnik
#85. When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.
Ellen DeGeneres
#86. Don't worry about Sian," Louisa said, "things will get better."
"What, she'll stop hitting me?"
"No, but you'll stop bruising so easily.
Dylan Perry
#87. I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.
Marc Maron
#88. Mind telling me what's so funny?" he asked as he spooned beans onto their plates. "Nothing." Lorelai avoided looking at Kol. "Then if nothing is funny, you two can stop grinning at each other like village idiots and start eating your dinner. I imagine tomorrow will be another difficult day." And
C.J. Redwine
#89. What did the lawyer say?" I couldn't stop the little snicker that slipped out as I sat back up in the seat and laced my fingers behind my head.
"Before or after I kissed her?"
"Zeb!" My mom gave me a hard look and my sister just shook her head.
Jay Crownover
#90. I've seen women insist on cleaning everything in the house before they could sit down to write ... and you know it's a funny thing about house cleaning ... it never comes to an end. Perfect way to stop a woman.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
#91. Curran.
"You're taking a nap? Come on Kate, I need you for this fight, Stop lying around."
You sonovabitch. I rolled to my feet and grabbed my sword. "You must think you're funny.
Ilona Andrews
#92. I stop stretching and face him, unwilling to back down from this visual standoff. I'm not going to let him perform his little Jedi mind tricks on me, no matter how much I wish I could perform them on him. He's completely unreadable and even more unpredictable. It pisses me off.
Colleen Hoover
#93. Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"
Billy Connolly
#94. You've got to stop and ask yourself once in a while ... why some asinine politicians would quicker cut out social security than the space program ... Go figure.
Timothy Pina
#95. Dorothy asked timidly: "Did his wife say anything?
"She sent her love to you."
Nora said: "Stop being nasty.
Dashiell Hammett
#96. Dominic Sherwood would always tell me a joke right before it was my take or my close up. He'd say a funny joke, and I couldn't stop laughing, even after they said, 'Action.'
Emeraude Toubia
#97. So what, then? Pete? Clyde?"
Cabel rolls over, pretending to sleep.
"It's Fred, isn't it?"
"Janie. Stop."
"You named your thing Janie?" She giggles.
Cabel groans deeply. "Go to sleep.
Lisa McMann
#98. In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'
Robin Williams
#99. Here's the funny thing about the world coming to an end. Once it gets going, it doesn't seem to stop.
Susan Beth Pfeffer
#100. I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.
Jerome K. Jerome
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