Top 100 Funny Stop Quotes

#1. If you just stop and think, baby, honey, love is a funny thing. Whatever you put in, that's what you expect to gain.

Jimmy Reed

Funny Stop Quotes #16581
#2. Sometimes when Sam's pretending to be in love with me, my stomach does funny things."
"Well, get some milk of magnesia and stop it.

Libba Bray

Funny Stop Quotes #44982
#3. You can't stop the gears of capitalism. But you can always be a pain in the ass.

Jarett Kobek

Funny Stop Quotes #47286
#4. I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Stop Quotes #64301
#5. I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

Zach Galifianakis

Funny Stop Quotes #78417
#6. You're starting to look like you did before, and that's not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I'm growing breasts? - Kye

Krista Alasti

Funny Stop Quotes #81736
#7. I'm currently imagining a few creative ways of causing you extraordinary amounts of pain."
Kingsley raised his chin. Mere inches separated their faces.
"Stop flirting. You know we don't have time for that.

Tiffany Reisz

Funny Stop Quotes #97394
#8. You laugh when I haven't been funny and you answer right off. You never stop to think what
I've asked you.

Ray Bradbury

Funny Stop Quotes #111794
#9. Why are you covering your breasts?"
Turning her back to him, she stepped into her dress.
"Why are you so interested in my breasts?"
"I am only interested in them because you hide them," he informed her. "I would not find them interesting if you would stop wearing clothing.

Viola Rivard

Funny Stop Quotes #125144
#10. When will you stop laughing at misery? I'm so sick and tired of your pseudo-strength. All I want you to do is laugh at what is funny and cry at what isn't, but you won't do that, will you?

David Shields

Funny Stop Quotes #125977
#11. The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.

Maureen Johnson

Funny Stop Quotes #126367
#12. It's funny. You love something and one day it's suddenly gone or changed or lost forever. But somehow that doesn't stop your loving. Maybe that's how you know it's the real thing.

Tony Parsons

Funny Stop Quotes #131995
#13. I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining ... "Sir, could you please stop?"

Louis C.K.

Funny Stop Quotes #136016
#14. I always surprise myself with my voice. A lot of people don't get it, and they're like, 'You can't sing. Stop. What are you doing?' And it's funny to hear a lot people say I sing in falsetto because it's not falsetto - that's my voice.

Shamir

Funny Stop Quotes #177911
#15. I've got everything I need right here." That sentimental thought met a room full of cheesy and sarcastic "aw's" and an empty water bottle thrown at my head. No, stop guys, really. You're embarrassing me.

Rachel Higginson

Funny Stop Quotes #185885
#16. I gotta stop saying "how stupid could you be?" I'm beginning to feel like people are taking as a challenge

Kevin Hart

Funny Stop Quotes #195688
#17. Alexander? Fine. I'll leave you alone so you can call Lover Boy back." "Stop calling him that." Once he was gone, she punched her pillow a few times. It was funny that Sam thought she could have any man she wanted. If she were just looking for guys who wanted to hang out

CrushStar Romance

Funny Stop Quotes #213621
#18. Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there.

Alyxandra Harvey

Funny Stop Quotes #214192
#19. Ish #303 It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.

Regina Griffin

Funny Stop Quotes #214288
#20. A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

Frankie Boyle

Funny Stop Quotes #245858
#21. Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."
"Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment?

E.A. Bucchianeri

Funny Stop Quotes #250045
#22. I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.

Jeff Garlin

Funny Stop Quotes #266367
#23. From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

Russell Howard

Funny Stop Quotes #267368
#24. I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me ...

Bo Burnham

Funny Stop Quotes #295487
#25. But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer

Funny Stop Quotes #312762
#26. When we met, you couldn't stop staring at my breasts."
His face went pale, as if he seriously thought he was so subtle no one would notice. "Make sure you get an equally satisfactory look a my backside as you leave.

Kiera Cass

Funny Stop Quotes #337445
#27. I think I write funny songs that make people kind of, like, stop what they're doing and be like, 'What did you say?' And then it makes them laugh a little bit.

Elle King

Funny Stop Quotes #348550
#28. Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that," Garrett said gruffly. "You'll have me convinced I'm going to die."
"You're not?

Maya Banks

Funny Stop Quotes #349605
#29. The pigs can't stop the fox; I'm too quick,' Takumi said to himself. I can rhyme while I run; I'm that slick.

John Green

Funny Stop Quotes #387724
#30. Stop calling me a Nazi." "Why should I?" Miles's hand came down on the desk. "Because the systematic slaughter of millions of people isn't funny!

Francesca Zappia

Funny Stop Quotes #391426
#31. Sweet Jesus! Sweet, sweet Jesus!" Mom called to the Savior, caught up in the divine intervention that was Hank and me.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Stop cal ing Jesus, Mom. Hank's gonna think you're weird," I snapped.
"She is weird," Dad said.
"I'm not weird," Mom returned.

Kristen Ashley

Funny Stop Quotes #398326
#32. I stopped at a stop sign at the end of the street, and Margo said, "What the hell? Go go go go go," and I said, "Oh, right," because I had forgotten that I was throwing caution to the wind and everything.

John Green

Funny Stop Quotes #398446
#33. 717! You are behaving like a demented bluebottle - stop that!

Laline Paull

Funny Stop Quotes #403384
#34. Really, if that's the case, you need to stop letting your mother dress you funny. It's hard to take anyone serious as a killer when he looks like an investment banker. The only part of me that's nervous is my checkbook. (Kat)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Funny Stop Quotes #414803
#35. This may sound funny but somewhere in the back of my mind I thought the world would stop for my first day of JH. The day proved me wrong and I've grown to realize that nothing will be quite as I dreamed them up.

Latoya Hunter

Funny Stop Quotes #417366
#36. Funny, how quickly someone can stop calling you a miscreant and a rogue when they want your help,

Brandon Sanderson

Funny Stop Quotes #437203
#37. Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting.

Derek Landy

Funny Stop Quotes #518662
#38. Word of advice, sister mine. If you want to keep your papers private, don't write 'Private' on the cover. It set the mater right off. It was all I could do to stop her sniffing around like some great sniffing thing.

Lauren Willig

Funny Stop Quotes #527666
#39. If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up.

Shia Labeouf

Funny Stop Quotes #531788
#40. The reason why a man cannot stop staring at a woman ass is only because God has spent 80 percent of his time and efforts on woman ass and 20 percent on her entire body.

M.F. Moonzajer

Funny Stop Quotes #545242
#41. Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.

Kenny Everett

Funny Stop Quotes #557415
#42. I'd love to do a really juicy drama that's just really real. On the comedy side, I'd love to do something like '21 Jump Street.' I cannot stop watching that movie. Really funny, really extreme comedies are definitely my favorite.

Daniela Bobadilla

Funny Stop Quotes #580642
#43. Occasionally, I go off the rails. I once nearly killed somebody once - it wasn't funny. I am a lunatic. The pressure of work, the pressure - everyone has a stop valve, and I don't have one.

Ozzy Osbourne

Funny Stop Quotes #580851
#44. The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car.

Derek Landy

Funny Stop Quotes #596752
#45. If you record the world honestly, there's no way people can stop being funny. A lot of fiction writing doesn't get that idea, as if to acknowledge it would trivialize the story or trivialize human nature, when in fact human nature is reduced and falsified if the comic aspects are not included.

Lorrie Moore

Funny Stop Quotes #603860
#46. You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

Ellen DeGeneres

Funny Stop Quotes #618999
#47. 'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

Tommy Cooper

Funny Stop Quotes #628116
#48. Stop giggling and squirming and take it like a man.
Sam to Jory during sex

Mary Calmes

Funny Stop Quotes #642082
#49. I think the second you think that you're funny is when you stop being funny.

Mila Kunis

Funny Stop Quotes #666193
#50. Funny how when we start to tell a secret, we can't stop. Something falls open in us, and the sheer momentum of letting go pushes us on.

Victoria Schwab

Funny Stop Quotes #671727
#51. This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I know you. You're that wee golfer, aren't you?' I say, 'Yeah, that's me.' They say, 'Keep it up, wee man.' It's very funny and that's why I want to stay here as long as possible.

Rory McIlroy

Funny Stop Quotes #686100
#52. Schumacher has made his final stop three times.

Murray Walker

Funny Stop Quotes #708207
#53. It's funny, I never considered that people are going to see me on the show and maybe stop me on the subway.

Lena Dunham

Funny Stop Quotes #716005
#54. Sydney did not believe in life after death, but in her experience, admitting this could lead to long and complicated discussions in which people seemed to think that since she did not believe in God or the afterlife, there was nothing to stop her from becoming an ax murderer.

Maureen F. McHugh

Funny Stop Quotes #737626
#55. It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex," I said. "And this was the spawn."
"My eyes!" Boomer cried. "My eyes! I can't stop seeing it now that you've said it!

David Levithan

Funny Stop Quotes #752516
#56. Thank you for helping my sister," he says.
I lean forward, mimicking his position. "I'm happy to."
Calliope leans out her window. "STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK.

Stephanie Perkins

Funny Stop Quotes #811903
#57. She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?"
"Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask.

Carrie Jones

Funny Stop Quotes #824536
#58. A red eight-sided sign always means:
A) Stop.
B) Go.
C) Danger! Red octogons ahead!

Cuthbert Soup

Funny Stop Quotes #825278
#59. Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month?

Simon Holt

Funny Stop Quotes #826159
#60. Oh, Professor Lyall, are you making a funny? It doesn't suit you."
The sandy-haired Beta gave Lady Maccon a dour look. "I am exploring new personality avenues."
"Well, stop it."
"Yes, my lady.

Gail Carriger

Funny Stop Quotes #839311
#61. You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

Bob Newhart

Funny Stop Quotes #841449
#62. Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

Kristen Schaal

Funny Stop Quotes #873116
#63. And get some self-esteem. What the fuck is that? It's so annoying to see a pretty girl see herself as not worthy. You know what it makes us guys think you aren't worthy? We see you how you see you. You're pretty and funny and smart. Stop being such a douche-canoe.

Tara Brown

Funny Stop Quotes #881415
#64. Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.

Art Linkletter

Funny Stop Quotes #882604
#65. I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one's intensity is funny.

Jim Dine

Funny Stop Quotes #890544
#66. Who-who are you?" Seth asked, hesitantly."Wh-what do you want?" How else was was I supposed to reply? The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.I mean, I'd only seen the movie like seventeen times.
"I'm Luke Skywalker," I said. "I'm here to rescue you.

Meg Cabot

Funny Stop Quotes #891843
#67. A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

Gilbert Gottfried

Funny Stop Quotes #930194
#68. I used to roll up: this is a hold up, ain't nuthin funny.
Stop smiling, be still, don't nuthin move but the money.

Rakim

Funny Stop Quotes #946535
#69. Gee-word?"
"Gods. What were you doin' the day they handed out brains, boy, anyway?"
"Someone was telling a story about stealing a tiger's balls, and I had to stop and find out how it ended.

Neil Gaiman

Funny Stop Quotes #950383
#70. He really needed to stop being so hot while his hands were on me.

Veronica Blade

Funny Stop Quotes #956000
#71. Funny. Slave masters thought they were making a difference in black people's lives too. Saving them from their "wild African ways." Same shit, different century. I wish people like them would stop thinking that people like me need saving. One-Fifteen

Angie Thomas

Funny Stop Quotes #956103
#72. It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Johnny Depp

Funny Stop Quotes #958679
#73. What are you doing?"
"I'm, uh, acting normal."
"No you're not. You're acting like someone pretending to be normal. Stop pretending and start acting, but don't act like you're not pretending, that'll make it worse.

Derek Landy

Funny Stop Quotes #962351
#74. Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.

Seanan McGuire

Funny Stop Quotes #970655
#75. Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised?

Stephenie Meyer

Funny Stop Quotes #982019
#76. I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Zach Galifianakis

Funny Stop Quotes #1005845
#77. There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that.

Dave Navarro

Funny Stop Quotes #1018180
#78. Fran? Frances Hill, you stop that right now! What the devil's got into you? Ada, you should be ashamed! Braying like a mule, you are! And you, Mattie Gokey ... would you like to tell me what could possibly be so funny?

Jennifer Donnelly

Funny Stop Quotes #1024731
#79. I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

Richard Pryor

Funny Stop Quotes #1053022
#80. I remember that story. You have read it four times." Samson shrugged. "Why should I stop with the first reading? Nobody says, 'That was a fine piece of music. I'll never listen to that again." But some people treat books that way. Not I!

Karen A. Wyle

Funny Stop Quotes #1100255
#81. Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.
"Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer." he mutters

Bec Botefuhr

Funny Stop Quotes #1106997
#82. I'm having a wonderful time in training. It's so funny because you go through ups and you go through downs. People have to realize that my career started on a down. I got ripped off a Gold Medal at the Olympics but it didn't stop me and it made me a better person.

Roy Jones Jr.

Funny Stop Quotes #1112908
#83. Parker, what are you doing?" "Making a funny face in an effort to make you stop staring at me like I murdered your beloved goldfish.

Penny Reid

Funny Stop Quotes #1117357
#84. My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

Anthony Jeselnik

Funny Stop Quotes #1126362
#85. When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.

Ellen DeGeneres

Funny Stop Quotes #1131611
#86. Don't worry about Sian," Louisa said, "things will get better."
"What, she'll stop hitting me?"
"No, but you'll stop bruising so easily.

Dylan Perry

Funny Stop Quotes #1147624
#87. I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

Marc Maron

Funny Stop Quotes #1148773
#88. Mind telling me what's so funny?" he asked as he spooned beans onto their plates. "Nothing." Lorelai avoided looking at Kol. "Then if nothing is funny, you two can stop grinning at each other like village idiots and start eating your dinner. I imagine tomorrow will be another difficult day." And

C.J. Redwine

Funny Stop Quotes #1150677
#89. What did the lawyer say?" I couldn't stop the little snicker that slipped out as I sat back up in the seat and laced my fingers behind my head.
"Before or after I kissed her?"
"Zeb!" My mom gave me a hard look and my sister just shook her head.

Jay Crownover

Funny Stop Quotes #1168028
#90. I've seen women insist on cleaning everything in the house before they could sit down to write ... and you know it's a funny thing about house cleaning ... it never comes to an end. Perfect way to stop a woman.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Funny Stop Quotes #1188343
#91. Curran.
"You're taking a nap? Come on Kate, I need you for this fight, Stop lying around."
You sonovabitch. I rolled to my feet and grabbed my sword. "You must think you're funny.

Ilona Andrews

Funny Stop Quotes #1191695
#92. I stop stretching and face him, unwilling to back down from this visual standoff. I'm not going to let him perform his little Jedi mind tricks on me, no matter how much I wish I could perform them on him. He's completely unreadable and even more unpredictable. It pisses me off.

Colleen Hoover

Funny Stop Quotes #1208374
#93. Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

Billy Connolly

Funny Stop Quotes #1241702
#94. You've got to stop and ask yourself once in a while ... why some asinine politicians would quicker cut out social security than the space program ... Go figure.

Timothy Pina

Funny Stop Quotes #1248042
#95. Dorothy asked timidly: "Did his wife say anything?
"She sent her love to you."
Nora said: "Stop being nasty.

Dashiell Hammett

Funny Stop Quotes #1250601
#96. Dominic Sherwood would always tell me a joke right before it was my take or my close up. He'd say a funny joke, and I couldn't stop laughing, even after they said, 'Action.'

Emeraude Toubia

Funny Stop Quotes #1254349
#97. So what, then? Pete? Clyde?"
Cabel rolls over, pretending to sleep.
"It's Fred, isn't it?"
"Janie. Stop."
"You named your thing Janie?" She giggles.
Cabel groans deeply. "Go to sleep.

Lisa McMann

Funny Stop Quotes #1265666
#98. In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'

Robin Williams

Funny Stop Quotes #1268223
#99. Here's the funny thing about the world coming to an end. Once it gets going, it doesn't seem to stop.

Susan Beth Pfeffer

Funny Stop Quotes #1273087
#100. I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.

Jerome K. Jerome

Funny Stop Quotes #1273512

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