Top 41 Funny Road Sayings

#1. Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
road an hour.

Steven Wright

Funny Road Sayings #23096
#2. I wouldna cross the road to see a scrawny woman if she was stark naked and dripping wet. ~Jamie Fraser

Diana Gabaldon

Funny Road Sayings #89541
#3. What I usually do is tell funny stories from the road, many of which are, of course, unprintable. But I don't actually have a joke. I don't tell jokes much. I tell little stories.

Howard Dean

Funny Road Sayings #122792
#4. There are quite a few very funny people in my life. You know those people who don't mean to be funny, they just come out with these zingers that just make you howl with laughter. Usually you find these people in the road crew. A good crew is a key to a healthy funny bone.

Tori Amos

Funny Road Sayings #127082
#5. His phone rang again, and he turned it on speaker. "Adair residence - "
"Shut up, Cabe." Silas's voice filled the car. "Your Lexus isn't a residence, and I know you're driving, because I'm watching your GPS dot move down the road.

Jane Washington

Funny Road Sayings #147634
#6. The road to redemption might be damn hard, but in the end - if you reached the end - his father was right. It was worth it. Maribelle was worth it. Funny how her birth was the reason he'd started running, but she ended up being the reason he'd stopped. Life was really fucking funny that way.

Madeline Sheehan

Funny Road Sayings #178423
#7. I ain't never seen a creature like that before, she says. He's so smart, he's-
More, like a person than a bird? I says.
Yeah, she says. That's it.
Whatever you do, I says, don't tell him that. I'll never hear the end of it.

Moira Young

Funny Road Sayings #201585
#8. People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church. - Mrs. Miracle

Debbie Macomber

Funny Road Sayings #203798
#9. To truly fail in life is to never try. When you fall on your face, it is an opportunity for you to find the road again. It may remind you how hard the road is, but you will never forget its presence once you make contact.

H.L. Stephens

Funny Road Sayings #254630
#10. A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

Tommy Cooper

Funny Road Sayings #336201
#11. Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

Woody Allen

Funny Road Sayings #374368
#12. I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather ... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport.

Lewis Black

Funny Road Sayings #480583
#13. It's funny how life moves in a complete circle sometimes. There might be lots of bumps in the road and maybe even a few cliffs, but it's a journey, and sometimes it can bring you to the most wonderful places.

Nyrae Dawn

Funny Road Sayings #531387
#14. What's a TH?"
"A Traffic Hazard," Heeb clarified.
"Oh you mean because the woman is so hot she'll take your eyes off the road?" Narc confirmed.
"Exactly.

Zack Love

Funny Road Sayings #647663
#15. Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.

Russell Brand

Funny Road Sayings #744090
#16. It's funny, when I'm not on the road or doing stuff with Bad Company - or whatever- I've always written songs galore ... a lot of stuff people don't even hear.

Mick Ralphs

Funny Road Sayings #744974
#17. I'm an off-road racecar driver. And I think every woman in my life has told me that's not a sensible hobby. But when I was growing, even more than I wanted to be funny, I wanted to be a racecar driver. That's all I thought about. I worked for a race team when I was 15 and I traveled with them.

Dax Shepard

Funny Road Sayings #758470
#18. No, I always wanted to be a singer. It was kind of funny that I took this road, started acting, then-almost ten years later-in Wayne's World people finally got to see me sing. And everyone thought it was dubbed in.

Tia Carrere

Funny Road Sayings #777401
#19. Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

Steven Wright

Funny Road Sayings #781451
#20. I stared at Irys. My Story Weaver had to be laughing his blue ass off right now. My future appeared to be a long twisted road fraught with knots, tangles and traps. Just the way I liked it.

Maria V. Snyder

Funny Road Sayings #805020
#21. Never follow the crowd ...
Until and unless you're crossing the road ...

Sanhita Baruah

Funny Road Sayings #876175
#22. I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.

Stephen King

Funny Road Sayings #920534
#23. Man. I know they say it's good to take the high road. But it's also good to punch assholes in the face, too.

Ava Lore

Funny Road Sayings #950214
#24. It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Johnny Depp

Funny Road Sayings #958679
#25. I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

Adam Carolla

Funny Road Sayings #1003561
#26. The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.

Bob Saget

Funny Road Sayings #1061617
#27. I can only drive slowly."
"That's all right."
"And I can only do left turns."
Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way!

Hilary McKay

Funny Road Sayings #1142985
#28. It's funny that I got to do 'On the Road' because the thing that had the biggest impact on me growing up was reading books. I was very inspired by the book and this spirit of Dean Moriarty and how envious we all are of somebody who can be that carefree.

Garrett Hedlund

Funny Road Sayings #1160064
#29. Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I've seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

Greg Giraldo

Funny Road Sayings #1323446
#30. Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.

Bauvard

Funny Road Sayings #1331363
#31. Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop. And then I'd watch you die.
Kate to Will

Elizabeth Scott

Funny Road Sayings #1376598
#32. So many people, my friends and family, were all saying, "You're so funny. Why don't you become a comedian or an actor?" But it wasn't a reality at the time, it wasn't a road that Latin people were accepted in.

John Leguizamo

Funny Road Sayings #1455474
#33. I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.

Amy Schumer

Funny Road Sayings #1472065
#34. A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

Frank Carson

Funny Road Sayings #1500363
#35. And she says, "Then let's just take the effing road and get ourselves to Haven."
I smile, a little. "You said effing," I say. "You actually said the word effing.

Patrick Ness

Funny Road Sayings #1521553
#36. My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

Jimmy Carr

Funny Road Sayings #1625601
#37. In better times, we're celebrate Christmas Eve by attending the nativity play at the Catholic church down the road, watching Joseph and Mary and Baby Jesus try to escape from Herod's soldiers and their wooden swords and AK-47s (it wasn't the most accurate version, but it was funny.)

William Kamkwamba

Funny Road Sayings #1654657
#38. Ove looks at the group assembled around him, as if he's been kidnapped and taken to a parallel universe. For a moment he thinks about swerving off the road, until he realises that the worst case scenario would be that they all accompanied him into the afterlife.

Fredrik Backman

Funny Road Sayings #1654955
#39. It's funny how they thought we were dating," Colin said, glancing over at her.
"How's that funny?" she asked, holding his gaze.
"Um," he said. Distracted from the road, Colin watched as she gave him the slightest version of her inimitable smile.

John Green

Funny Road Sayings #1694245
#40. You're on a road show with your penis, and trust me, I'm the last person who wants to get in your way. But I'm telling you, operation occupy-my-vagina is a no-go for the evening.

Addison Moore

Funny Road Sayings #1761969
#41. Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.
No!
If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers.

Moira Young

Funny Road Sayings #1764940

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