List of top 100 famous quotes and sayings about funny relationship to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 100 Funny Relationship Sayings

#1. Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

Anthony Griffin

Funny Relationship Sayings #22780
#2. I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.

Brittany Snow

Funny Relationship Sayings #30918
#3. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Courteney Cox

Funny Relationship Sayings #75579
#4. I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

Walter Matthau

Funny Relationship Sayings #79546
#5. Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife.

Pawan Mishra

Funny Relationship Sayings #115523
#6. The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.

Robert Breault

Funny Relationship Sayings #124191
#7. Recently thought of deleting my Facebook account and start using twitter, but realized it's not easy. Facebook has become like the boyfriend I no longer like but scared to dump because I've invested so much time in the relationship.

Manasa Rao

Funny Relationship Sayings #144735
#8. Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

Mike Birbiglia

Funny Relationship Sayings #146375
#9. I have kind of a funny relationship with movies. I don't have to see the whole movie to get an impression of it or to let it have an influence on me.

Lana Del Rey

Funny Relationship Sayings #164480
#10. Despite my funny feeling about her, I regretfully obliged to his interest in pursuing a sexual relationship with her. I knew James only wanted the pussy, but I could see in Raven's eyes that she wanted more.

Jessica N. Watkins

Funny Relationship Sayings #187190
#11. Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

Adam Ferrara

Funny Relationship Sayings #213434
#12. You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him?

Ann Dunham

Funny Relationship Sayings #218303
#13. In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.

Ambrose Bierce

Funny Relationship Sayings #223546
#14. It was the love of love, the love of swallows up all else, a grateful love, a love of natural, of people, of animals, a love ingengering gentleness and goodness that moved meand that I saw in you

William Carlos Williams

Funny Relationship Sayings #247926
#15. Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.

April Gornik

Funny Relationship Sayings #270103
#16. Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings.

Mason Cooley

Funny Relationship Sayings #271648
#17. I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

Greg Behrendt

Funny Relationship Sayings #274559
#18. Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self

Amrita Sarkar

Funny Relationship Sayings #274834
#19. I love my pizza so much, in fact, that I have come to believe in my delirium that my pizza might actually love me, in return. I am having a relationship with this pizza, almost an affair.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Funny Relationship Sayings #275378
#20. The issue of who will throw the garbage won't be so trivial when no one is throwing it away, and it starts to stink. When the plates pile up in the kitchen sink, or when the bathroom is grimy and the shampoo ran out. No, it won't be funny then.

Eeva Lancaster

Funny Relationship Sayings #277916
#21. It will never belong in a Hallmark card, but I drove a car into a house and killed a man for you. You chained me up for days and I still wanted to come back and talk over our darkly sordid, slightly kinky, and a lot warped relationship. Face it, you're stuck with me.

Kylie Scott

Funny Relationship Sayings #283640
#22. My only relationship policy is, don't bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don't let it affect your work.

Paula Graves

Funny Relationship Sayings #284819
#23. Is the diameter of your index finger equal to or greater than the diameter of a super absorbency tampon?

Julie Cross

Funny Relationship Sayings #297249
#24. If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.


Funny Relationship Sayings #300509
#25. What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

Mike Birbiglia

Funny Relationship Sayings #307326
#26. Love, honor, and negotiate.

Alan Loy McGinnis

Funny Relationship Sayings #312539
#27. It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.

Hedy Lamarr

Funny Relationship Sayings #322040
#28. I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Jim Norton

Funny Relationship Sayings #340691
#29. Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

Andy Borowitz

Funny Relationship Sayings #343964
#30. You're not the only one in this relationship who loves a
challenge," he says. "And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chip
cookies warm and soft in the middle ... and without magnets glued to them.

Simone Elkeles

Funny Relationship Sayings #385259
#31. Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.

Charles M. Schulz

Funny Relationship Sayings #386646
#32. Face Book keeps asking me to complete my relationship status; I doubt it has the soul of a gossip magazine column's starving journalist.

Shahla Khan

Funny Relationship Sayings #446497
#33. If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices.

Mother Teresa

Funny Relationship Sayings #477773
#34. You know what's funny is that I have this ongoing relationship with the city of Washington D.C. I went to George Washington University, and my nickname was K-Dub - based on G-Dub - and I'm now on the board of trustees at George Washington University.

Kerry Washington

Funny Relationship Sayings #495546
#35. It's funny how everyone has a bizarre relationship with Google. The knowledge is there, but no one knows how to use it right.

Jonathan Gold

Funny Relationship Sayings #497868
#36. The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

Arthur Smith

Funny Relationship Sayings #502688
#37. After all, nothing nurtures a friendship bond more than the ability to consistently bitch about someone else!

Pawan Mishra

Funny Relationship Sayings #519837
#38. I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Relationship Sayings #530619
#39. It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain.

Rick Baker

Funny Relationship Sayings #550077
#40. Lilli . . . Lilli . . . Lilli."

Sweet Jesus, she was going to kill him. She'd just gotten to sleep. Now he was running a finger up and down her spine, saying her name in an extremely life-threatening singsong voice.

Susan Fanetti

Funny Relationship Sayings #574674
#41. A woman settles down when she meets a gentleman among escaping chickens, funny baboons, and tricky hyenas .
I'm yet to meet a homosapien.


Funny Relationship Sayings #593575
#42. A large proportion of mankind, like pigeons and partridges, on reaching maturity, having passed through a period of playfulness or promiscuity, establish what they hope and expect will be a permanent and fertile mating relationship. This we call marriage.

C.D. Darlington

Funny Relationship Sayings #596032
#43. You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

Ellen DeGeneres

Funny Relationship Sayings #618999
#44. Emily and I have some funny scenes where we quarrel and it gets quite heated, the mother-daughter relationship. You know, film mothers and daughters adore each other. And some don't. But how could you not love Emily Blunt? But I think I'm just one of those people who's always discontented.

Jacki Weaver

Funny Relationship Sayings #626996
#45. If you're going to take a jab at someone, you should at least have a bit more of a personal relationship with them. I feel like you can be funny and clever, as opposed to just outright vile.

Harland Williams

Funny Relationship Sayings #641907
#46. The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man


Funny Relationship Sayings #663090
#47. One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

Carroll Bryant

Funny Relationship Sayings #711720
#48. Funny the only two times we use the phrase "seeing someone" are when we are referring to being in a a relationship or getting psychological help.

Deb Caletti

Funny Relationship Sayings #751877
#49. Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

George Burns

Funny Relationship Sayings #754736
#50. A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.

Pawan Mishra

Funny Relationship Sayings #756901
#51. Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover so bad you'll think Satan himself took a dump on you. -Milo

Cora Carmack

Funny Relationship Sayings #768564
#52. If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another.

Marie Helvin

Funny Relationship Sayings #787647
#53. If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

Adam Carolla

Funny Relationship Sayings #833560
#54. Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!'

Dave Attell

Funny Relationship Sayings #839006
#55. Her lips taste like mint from toothpaste or gum, or sometimes like cherries or grapes from her lip gloss. She's soft when I hold her, with curves where my hands rest, and when I touch her I think stupid caveman things like, mine and totally mine - oh yeah, and all mine.

Susan Vaught

Funny Relationship Sayings #884940
#56. I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-:

Mahsati Abdul

Funny Relationship Sayings #892759
#57. If your partner is consistently unhappy, it won't matter if they're incredibly sexy, wildly funny, impressively successful, adorably charismatic - your relationship will be weighed down under the heaviness of their moods.

Karen Salmansohn

Funny Relationship Sayings #896491
#58. We have a curious relationship with 'funny' in the U.K. We love to laugh, but we also think that making people laugh is just a little bit second-tier, especially in a literary context.

Nick Harkaway

Funny Relationship Sayings #920479
#59. My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.

Carrie Fisher

Funny Relationship Sayings #1000618
#60. Humans are funny. The more someone doesn't want someone, the more that someone wants that someone. The time came when she started pulling away. She had developed a tendency to focus on the things that she didn't respect in him and eventually that's all she saw.

Kate McGahan

Funny Relationship Sayings #1025731
#61. We talk about the quality of product and service. What about the quality of our relationships and the quality of our communications and the quality of our promises to each other?

Max De Pree

Funny Relationship Sayings #1064284
#62. Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

Graham Norton

Funny Relationship Sayings #1066053
#63. Even when I begin with a situation that's basically funny or sad, I like to keep poking around in it. I like to get into the middle of a relationship, to explore the subtle places.

Paul Mazursky

Funny Relationship Sayings #1070547
#64. It is funny how when you have been hurt in love and you fall in love again, every reason you have for loving that person is both enough and not, all at once.

R. YS Perez

Funny Relationship Sayings #1071067
#65. My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way

Ali Shariati

Funny Relationship Sayings #1078779
#66. Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.

Ralph Wycherley

Funny Relationship Sayings #1079463
#67. Lucian. She's not normal. She's got the sex drive of Ursula. I'm so ashamed to say I've faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor's excuse! ~Steve~

Lucian Bane

Funny Relationship Sayings #1083684
#68. When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder

Funny Relationship Sayings #1085216
#69. I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

Frank Skinner

Funny Relationship Sayings #1107949
#70. You're going to be trouble, aren't you?"
"Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see.

Zoe Forward

Funny Relationship Sayings #1111441
#71. A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.

A.R. Gurney

Funny Relationship Sayings #1127551
#72. I sure do miss that woman. Smart. Funny. Sweet. She never gave me a moment's trouble."
"Gosh, I'm sorry about that. I knew it was boring between you two, but not that bad.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Funny Relationship Sayings #1135216
#73. We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

Mark Twain

Funny Relationship Sayings #1145914
#74. Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

Lenny Bruce

Funny Relationship Sayings #1151347
#75. My condolences, you're still alive.

Fakeer Ishavardas

Funny Relationship Sayings #1163627
#76. Some things happened and some other things didn't, and at one point I found I'd gone to a place where I married Jascha. Pyotr Frankis had been right: life was funny. It was also reasonably good and so was the relationship. And after the divorce, I got a job.

Pat Cadigan

Funny Relationship Sayings #1187572
#77. I have a funny relationship with religion. I'm a big believer in ritualistic behavior as long as it doesn't hurt anybody. But I'm not a big fan of rules. And yet, we cannot live in a world without order.

Madonna Ciccone

Funny Relationship Sayings #1194050
#78. I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it

Elle Kennedy

Funny Relationship Sayings #1221755
#79. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

Sharon Stone

Funny Relationship Sayings #1285629
#80. How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?

Madi Brown

Funny Relationship Sayings #1303607
#81. Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Funny Relationship Sayings #1343205
#82. You can't be a casual observer of something humorous - you have to engage, you have to find it funny for the relationship between actor and audience to work.

Brendan Coyle

Funny Relationship Sayings #1347860
#83. It's funny how your relationship with your own looks changes when you go weeks without seeing yourself. None of us really knows what we look like after all. In that nanosecond it takes for a mirror to give our faces back to us our mind has already done all sorts of perverse rearranging.

Nina De Gramont

Funny Relationship Sayings #1376156
#84. I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.

Keanu Reeves

Funny Relationship Sayings #1379167
#85. Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

Dave Attell

Funny Relationship Sayings #1390664
#86. Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.

Mark W. Boyer

Funny Relationship Sayings #1399551
#87. On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike.

Alvin Robertson

Funny Relationship Sayings #1419585
#88. You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Funny Relationship Sayings #1471918
#89. I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

Laura Kightlinger

Funny Relationship Sayings #1472256
#90. I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.

Edward De Bono

Funny Relationship Sayings #1487122
#91. He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.

Bob Phillips

Funny Relationship Sayings #1496699
#92. Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death.

Jeevagan Nagarajan

Funny Relationship Sayings #1498301
#93. A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

Ronnie Shakes

Funny Relationship Sayings #1504875
#94. True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.

James E. Faust

Funny Relationship Sayings #1515138
#95. It's funny because ever since 'American Idol,' people look at me without makeup and think I'm 15 years old - they think I'm really young and quiet and shy, and that I've never been in a relationship and have never been in love or anything.

Candice Glover

Funny Relationship Sayings #1551889
#96. In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

Warren Hutcherson

Funny Relationship Sayings #1555865
#97. You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet.

Pamela Anderson

Funny Relationship Sayings #1574090
#98. My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.

Jo Brand

Funny Relationship Sayings #1592724
#99. Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.

Cathy Ladman

Funny Relationship Sayings #1610734
#100. When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Garry Shandling

Funny Relationship Sayings #1617198

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