Funny Pay Me Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 52 famous quotes and sayings about funny pay me to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 52 Funny Pay Me Quotes

#1. Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking." - Author: David Letterman
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#2. I often pay homeless people to come round and clean my car. - Author: Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
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#3. Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt. - Author: Stephen Colbert
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#4. My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education ... because they were both druids. - Author: Milton Jones
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#5. I just find it funny what people will comment on, I try to not pay that much attention to it, but the crazy part is that if I'm doing a squat and I have an action photo, they're like, "Oh your form is off!" And I'm like, are you kidding? I'm still at the gym and you're not! - Author: Khloe Kardashian
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#6. When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
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#7. You'll pay for making Genos look like modern art! Lead the way! - Author: ONE
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#8. It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy. - Author: Hedy Lamarr
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#9. It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh. - Author: Art Buchwald
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#10. Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest. - Author: Bob Monkhouse
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#11. It is funny about money. And it is funny about identity. You are you because your little dog knows you, but when your public knows you and does not want to pay for you and when your public knows you and does want to pay for you, you are not the same you. - Author: Gertrude Stein
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#12. My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."
-Ranger and Stephanie - Author: Janet Evanovich
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#13. A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it. - Author: Ann Landers
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#14. In God we trust, all others pay cash. - Author: Margaret Atwood
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#15. Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow. - Author: Chris Rock
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#16. Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram." - Author: Rita Rudner
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#17. It's funny to think that when you get done with an acting job, you're considered unemployed. There are definitely times when those checks don't last forever. I went to college at a private school, and I racked up quite a bit of debt. I was very slow to pay them back. - Author: Rami Malek
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#18. Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay - Author: Milton Friedman
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#19. If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater. - Author: Steve Coogan
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#20. Dear Literary World, Sorry for breaking down your door ... I'll pay for that!!! Since I'm here and planning to stay a while, let me tell you some stories!! - Author: C.K. Webb
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#21. You tell your brother he's gonna pay for that car in silver. - Author: Neal Shusterman
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#22. I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one. - Author: Rudyard Kipling
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#23. I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but only the last four numbers. Aha! I'm really good at guessing twelve numbers. I can't guess 16 numbers, so thanks for the assistance! - Author: Mitch Hedberg
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#24. If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!" - Author: Mitch Hedberg
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#25. Tex, you look like a serial killer in this picture!" I shouted.
"Yeah, so?" Tex answered.
I stared.
"You think people wouldn't pay good money to have a serial killer make them coffee?" he boomed. - Author: Kristen Ashley
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#26. You even used to make up funny stories about those poor little lost creatures of yours. Remember Bob, the squirrel banker who forgot to pay his electric bill so he froze to death? - Author: Kimberly Derting
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#27. You don't get the pay-off when you're playing a quiet character, so sometimes you want to just throw out all your work and say, "Okay, let me do something really funny or gimmicky, just so that I can get some attention in this scene." - Author: Viola Davis
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#28. I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to pay some fees ... - Author: Mike Birbiglia
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#29. Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job ... Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. - Author: Bill Cosby
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#30. Hello, Mrs. Tran ... I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for. - Author: Nenia Campbell
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#31. I'm gonna ask ye ladies a question, and I bloody expect to be answered," he growled. "Who's the scoundrel been doin' some unwanted rootin' of yer cunts for pay? - Author: Bey Deckard
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#32. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. - Author: G. Gordon Liddy
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#33. Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" - Author: Henny Youngman
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#34. To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. - Author: Ricardo Salinas Pliego
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#35. It's like playing the lottery. It doesn't matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off. - Author: Oliver Markus
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#36. AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote." - Author: Jay Leno
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#37. I dress like an old woman in my real life. If you're having conversations with people, you don't want them to remember you as the girl with the tits, You want them to pay attention to what you're saying - Author: Jennifer Lawrence
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#38. I can pay you."
He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure there are services for that.Maybe you can try calling 1-800-HOOKERS or something?"
"You know the number well? - Author: Kasie West
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#39. When you cross over into the weird stuff, there's no going back. Hector has a theory on it. Calls it the law of 'Anomalous Phenomena Attraction.' He explained it to me once. Didn't really pay attention, but it boils down to 'weird shit pulls in more weird shit. - Author: A. Lee Martinez
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#40. People are funny. When they are young, they will spend their health to get wealth. Later, they will gladly pay all they have trying to get their health back. - Author: John C. Maxwell
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#41. I am a teacher. Pay close attention - this will be on the test. You don't wreck buildings. You don't take children hostage. And you don't threaten people with violence. Okay class dismissed. Looks like you fail! - Author: Yoko
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#42. Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
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#43. But that's why you pay for insurance, right? If you never file a claim, then they've beaten you. - Author: Jonathan Tropper
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#44. They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean? - Author: Adam Rex
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#45. Where are the dogs going? you people who pay so little attention ask. They are going about their business. And they are very punctilious, without wallets, notes, and without briefcases. - Author: Charles Baudelaire
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#46. Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. "Let's hurry up and pay before she"-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-"sees something shiny and we lose her again. - Author: Kimberly Derting
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#47. Am I suggesting that you must feel sorry for divorce lawyers and prepare to pay every penny of their fees? Of course not! You deserve justice, and the lawyer can be lured into delivering said justice at a seriously discounted price! - Author: Portia Porter
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#48. I was greatly influenced by 'The Goons' and 'Monty Python' reconstituting what comedy was - it could come from a funny word, not just a set up and a pay-off. I liked the zaniness; they were satirical, slightly saucy and very literary in their references. - Author: Sanjeev Bhaskar
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#49. Jesus, Martin, what the hell do I pay you for?"
"My good looks, the occasional blow job, and my constant supply of Jim Beam."
"You've never given me a blow job."
"True, but you've fantasized about it. - Author: Adrienne Wilder
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#50. Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance. - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
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#51. I launched into my speech, it took me a few seconds to realize that the only one listening was max (the dog) but at least he had the good manners to stop chewing the toilet brush and pay attention. - Author: Sammi Carter
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#52. The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' - Author: Richard Branson
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