Funny Off To Bed Quotes

#1. Lying in bed with Johnny Depp sussing out which males are what kind of pet from their clothes. - Author: Diane Messidoro

#2. I want to give kids that fall-off-the-bed-laughing feeling. Either that, or the sixth-grade feeling that life is hard - sometimes unbearably hard - and it is ultimately about death. But in the meantime, life can be really funny, too. - Author: Kate Klise

#3. Just in case you get any ideas, know that I'll be sleeping with a can of Mace in one hand and pepper spray in the other." - Katie
Jorlan's expression turned mocking. "Just in case you get any ideas, know that I'll be sleeping with a feather in one hand and massage oil in the other. - Author: Gena Showalter

#4. I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds. - Author: Steven Wright

#5. Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. Hey, Dark Princess? Here's your crap. Also, bite me. - Author: Rachel Caine

#6. I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome? - Author: Frankie Boyle

#7. So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land - Author: Richard Llewellyn

#8. So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window. - Author: Tommy Cooper

#9. He thinks I'm beautiful and told me so. He thinks I'm funny because I make him laugh all the time. He's fantastic in bed and when I say that not once, not even once have we been together where he's not taken care of me and it's not unheard of he takes care of me twice in one go. - Author: Kristen Ashley

#10. What was that?" Taylor snapped, suddenly alert.
"Oh, sorry," Paige said, standing up and rubbing her eyes, "I fell off the bed."
Suddenly, I couldn't help it
I giggled.
"Oh, shut up, Tess," Taylor said at the same time as Paige snapped, "It's not funny! - Author: Embee

#11. Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer. - Author: Charles M. Schulz

#12. When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight. - Author: Jim Gaffigan

#13. Oh. Momma told me not to tell you that your bed squeaks. But I think you know, 'cause I could hear it this morning. Jake dropped his fork. Tor, for the first time Jake had ever seen, turned scarlet. Maureen looked at them both and sighed. Christmas is always so interesting with you, Mark. - Author: Chris Owen

#14. If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you're OK. - Author: John Pinette

#15. You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary. - Author: Daniel Tosh

#16. Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys. - Author: Daniel Tosh

#17. It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!? - Author: Jeff Hirsch

#18. I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. - Author: Brooke Nevin

#19. Go to bed, Cammie," my aunt ordered, sounding exactly like my mother.
"No," I said, sounding exactly like my aunt. - Author: Ally Carter

#20. Do you sleep in a coffin?" Okay, I admit that one was a little out of line, not to mention corny.
"Of course not," he laughs loudly. "I sleep in a bed." A pause. "Would you like to see it? - Author: L. H. Cosway

#21. When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was. - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#22. This man dresses like an unmade bed. - Author: Henny Youngman

#23. Let me see if I have this quite correct", said Tessa after a pause. "Jessamine found youth the invitation in your hand, so you struck her over the head with a mirror and tied her to her bed?"
Sophie nodded.
"Good Lord, - Author: Cassandra Clare

#24. She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up. - Author: Richelle Mead

#25. If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen> - Author: Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

#26. A snap of Rhys's fingers, and my nightclothes - and some flimsy underthings - appeared on the bed. "I couldn't decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from."
"Pig," I barked - Author: Sarah J. Maas

#27. Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed. - Author: Marcello Mastroianni

#28. Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me! - Author: Jim Carrey

#29. You're starting to look like you did before, and that's not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I'm growing breasts? - Kye - Author: Krista Alasti

#30. My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back. - Author: Chic Murray

#31. He always smelled like warm wood and brandy, even when he hadn't had a drop of drink. Funny how he managed that. Funny how his smell was in her bed.
Henry's eyelids fluttered open.
Funny how he was in her bed. - Author: Julia Quinn

#32. You ... you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it."
"I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."
And then he took me to the bed. - Author: Richelle Mead