Funny Off The Wall Quotes

#1. But Wall Street people are in fact very smart; they're funny, they're not company men who work their way up the chain.

Paul Krugman

#2. My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.

Noel Fielding

#3. Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it ... it feels real."

Steven Wright

#4. YOU WILL DRINK THE COFFEE UNTIL I CAN SEE MY FACE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE CUP!" I did not mean to roar. "But it's a clay cup." "I DO NOT CARE!" He finished the coffee. "You did not have to finish it," I said, because I could perceive that he was rebuilding the Great Wall of China with shit bricks.

Jonathan Safran Foer

#5. Ever play 'mirror mirror on the wall' with two mirrors facing each other?

Josh Stern

#6. Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

Alan Bennett

#7. Perspective is a funny thing. You think your back is to the wall, then something worse corners you, and the first threat looks puny in comparison.

Karen Marie Moning

#8. Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?

Rachel Hawkins

#9. When you're sending emails, you live and die by your subject line. Making it personal or funny can increase your open rate 10 times or more. At the very least, try to pitch some value rather than pointless bragging. 'Work Faster!' is better than 'Version 10.4 now available!'

John Wall

#10. How can it be hard and easy at the same time?" asked Omar.
"It's like a really tall wall," said Anja. "It might be hard to climb, but there's no flying crocodiles to fight off while you do it.

Dan Wells

#11. "What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"

Henny Youngman

#12. [Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.
You oaf. He cut short his swagger and began to move with exaggerated sneakiness.

Shannon Hale

#13. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

Jay Leno

#14. Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Anthony Jeselnik

#15. I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.

Mitch Hedberg

#16. There's a deep fly ball ... Winfield goes back, back ... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.

Jerry Coleman

#17. Boy, you knock on the devil's door and he will head slam you through the wall.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#18. Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

Frankie Boyle

#19. I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.

Dave Eggers

#20. I started out of course with Hemingway when I learned how to write. Until I realized Hemingway doesn't have a sense of humor. He never has anything funny in his stories.

Elmore Leonard

#21. And there's a visceral fun in watching Team America and making it, like taking a puppet and throwing it against the wall. Because it's not CG, there's something funny about it.

Matt Stone

#22. A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery.

Morris Bender

#23. I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

Steven Wright

#24. I think. Therefore, I am. I think."
- Anonymous

I found this written in tiny letters in the grout between the wall tiles above a urinal in a restroom at the University of Washington, circa 1980. I don't know if Descartes would have approved but I thought it was brilliant.

Gary Val Tenuta

#25. When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

Milton Jones

#26. I've knitted myself a hat, it's plum red with an appealing lace pattern, I figured that a few air holes would be nice now that it's spring. I put it on and feel like a cranberry in the snow, and I wonder if they can see me from the moon. Me and the Great Wall.

Kjersti Annesdatter Skomsvold

#27. Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.

Larry Wall

#28. Son of a - Rora?" Blake slid out of the crater he'd just made in the wall. "Crap. What are you doing here?" He saw my wrist. "Handcuffs? I definitely want that story.

A&E Kirk

#29. Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.

Cassandra Clare

#30. I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.

Chic Murray

#31. When you're doing comedy, it is so subjective. What is funny to you is not funny to another person. What is dirty to you is not dirty to the other person. Comedy is one of those things you throw against the wall and see what sticks.

Larry The Cable Guy

#32. Keith much preferred cats. A cat wouldn't go mad at a man traversing a wall in the dead of night; it would shrug and lick its arse

Simon Dunn