Funny No Hope Quotes

#1. So I have. Let me hold the baby, Scarlett. Oh, I know how to hold babies. I have many strange accomplishments. Well, he certainly looks like Frank. All except the whiskers, but give him time."
"I hope not. It's a girl.

Margaret Mitchell

#2. Class?" I asked in surprise. "Today?"
"This isn't a spa vacation, Tiger Lily. Just be glad it's History of Wormwood and not conditioning."
"Conditioning?"
"Hope you've got a bottle of Icy Hot in there.

Christine Manzari

#3. Hope is a funny thing when you think about it. It's something you always have. You just have to believe you do.

Laura Miller

#4. Anyone who thinks they can write the perfect comedy that everyone will love is a fool. I can only write what I think is funny and hope that there is a likeminded audience out there.

Brendan O'Carroll

#5. I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.

Lalu Prasad Yadav

#6. Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.

Jerry Coleman

#7. The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

Bob Hope

#8. Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Bob Hope

#9. I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

Craig Ferguson

#10. I hope you had an entertaining time following me around." I took my keys out.
"You should be a reality show," he said. "It's that good. And you know, I might be a totally unstable former assassin, but man. You manage to shock even me.

Richelle Mead

#11. I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

Daniel Tosh

#12. THUMB,
I HOPE I WILL NOT BORE YOU WITH HOW TOTALLY, TOTALLY I ADORE YOU. THE FUNNY WAY YOU HAVE OF TALKING, THE CUTE WAY YOU HAVE OF WALKING. PLEASE DO NOT FEEL THAT I AM STALKING YOU.
LOVE, HENDERSON

Phoebe Stone

#13. And the last thought he had that morning as he closed his eyes was: I hope the tornado hit the moose.

Gary Paulsen

#14. Honestly, it's hard to learn about comedy from comedians. Comedy is not something that you necessarily learn or can imitate. You're funny or you're not, and you hope what you're doing is funny.

Jane Levy

#15. I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.

Bob Hope

#16. Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.

Kenny Everett

#17. I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

Jim Norton

#18. A large proportion of mankind, like pigeons and partridges, on reaching maturity, having passed through a period of playfulness or promiscuity, establish what they hope and expect will be a permanent and fertile mating relationship. This we call marriage.

C.D. Darlington

#19. Jewish introspection and Jewish humor is a way of surviving ... if you're not handsome and you're not athletic and you're not rich, there's still one last hope with girls, which is being funny.

Mike Nichols

#20. I've no idea where ideas come from and I hope I never find out; it would spoil the excitement for me if it turned out I just have a funny little wrinkle on the surface of my brain which makes me think about invisible train platforms.

J.K. Rowling

#21. The room fell silent. I frankly didn't know what I was going to do to help Eduardo, but I had the sense that he was right- no one else could help him, and without help, all that he'd done would crumble.
Plus, I like being called his only hope. I felt like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Tod Goldberg

#22. I stop stretching and face him, unwilling to back down from this visual standoff. I'm not going to let him perform his little Jedi mind tricks on me, no matter how much I wish I could perform them on him. He's completely unreadable and even more unpredictable. It pisses me off.

Colleen Hoover

#23. You couldn't hope to make a drama and have people rewriting on the day and having the actors making suggestions, "Wouldn't it be funny if my character did this?" "No. You're the actor. I'll tell you what to do."

Declan Lowney

#24. It's not funny. Do you want the whole school to think I'm one of your sluts?"
Travis frowned. "No one thinks that. And if they do, they better hope I don't hear about it.

Jamie McGuire

#25. Can I speak to Sayvyer, please?"
"You're looking for the savior? At 1:15 a.m.?"
"No. her name's Sayvyer."
"There's no savior here. Especially not at 1:15 a.m.

Zack Love

#26. Personally I think there is no doubt that sub-atomic energy is available all around us, and that one day man will release and control its almost infinite power. We cannot prevent him from doing so and can only hope that he will not use it exclusively in blowing up his next door neighbour. (1936)

Francis William Aston

#27. He twisted at the waist and stretched out on his side. You're a bit crazy. You throw apples in people's faces when you're angry. You go off half-cocked half the time. It entertains me to no end. So if you are irrational, I hope you stay that way. I love it.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#28. It's a funny thing because you look at the careers of other filmmakers, and you see them sort of slow down, and you realize, maybe this becomes harder to do as you get older. That's sort of a cautionary thing. I hope it doesn't happen to me.

Joel Coen

#29. And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

Jim Norton

#30. It's an expensive place. The cheapest salad is twenty-five dollars."
"I hope that comes with extra croutons and a hand job.

Andrea Speed

#31. Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.

William J. Clinton

#32. You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks.

Wendi McLendon-Covey

#33. I've never directed before, so I need to make sure that people know that I can. The movie that I've written, 'The Sophisticates,' is a ... small ensemble comedy and I hope it's charming and funny.

Lena Headey

#34. I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer. I'll write a check.

Daniel Tosh

#35. So what I tend to do is to think of today as the past. It's funny when you comin in first but you hope that you last.. You just hope that it lasts.

Drake

#36. A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bob Hope

#37. What was that? Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn't escalate to the dreaded purple nurple.

Molly Harper

#38. I think my work is optimistic - as much as it is pathetic and funny and sad and ridiculous, at the end of the day it's about the hope that something will go right, and the constant wishing for a world where things might start to make sense.

Laurel Nakadate

#39. Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

Bob Hope

#40. Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

Orson Scott Card

#41. Do you think it's funny that both of our favourite memories are about the people we like the least now?" I ask.

"Maybe that's why we dislike them," she says. "The distance between who they were and who they are is so wide, we have no hope of getting them back.

Nicola Yoon

#42. Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.

Solange Nicole

#43. There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing. "Oh, distinctive laugh doesn't think that joke was funny!"

Mitch Hedberg

#44. You can't make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

Caleb Followill

#45. The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

Adam Ferrara

#46. I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

Zach Galifianakis

#47. I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Bob Hope

#48. In a moment, we hope to see the pole vault over the satellite.

David Coleman

#49. I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

Karl Pilkington

#50. I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Jim Norton

#51. Laugh as if it's funny, embrace as if it's love, and smile anyway.

Richelle E. Goodrich

#52. I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

Bob Hope

#53. You see, love is a funny thing. There are no guarantees, just the day-to-day and the moment. You make vows, hope for the best, and do your damnedest to love the person you're with.

Jennifer Probst

#54. Your name. That's all I want. I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours.

Colleen Hoover