Funny Mother Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 100 famous quotes and sayings about funny mother to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 100 Funny Mother Quotes

#1. It's a funny thing, because I think that my mother and I may finally be speaking the same language. But somehow, now words don't seem as necessary - Author: Gayle Forman
Funny Mother Quotes #842315
#2. Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. - Author: Rita Ora
Funny Mother Quotes #1077545
#3. My mom is one of those people that you feel honored to meet. And no matter who you are, you fall in love with her because she is spiritual, she's inspiring, she's strong, she's funny, she's creative, she's talented ... she's everything that I want to be. - Author: Beyonce Knowles
Funny Mother Quotes #1065617
#4. You know, bullying," her mother began. "I see it every day. Kids get bullied at school, they get cyber bullied, text bullied, Myface bullied."
"Oh, God!" Arista groaned. "It's My Space or Facebook. Not Myface. - Author: Dianne F. Gray
Funny Mother Quotes #1065615
#5. Marathon tidying produces a heap of garbage. At this stage, the one disaster that can wreak more havoc than an earthquake is the entrance of that recycling expert who goes by the alias of "mother. - Author: Marie Kondo
Funny Mother Quotes #1058896
#6. Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother's) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long Bay Gaol, which in those days was still in use and heavily populated by larcenous young men who had chosen their parents less wisely. - Author: Clive James
Funny Mother Quotes #1030618
#7. Crap. I thought that picture was you.' He pointed.
'That's not me. That's my mother,' Mal said with a sigh.
'Woah, you really do look like her, you know,' Jay said.
'You two could be twins,' Evie agreed.
'That, my friends, is called genetics,' Carlos said with a smile. - Author: Melissa De La Cruz
Funny Mother Quotes #1015748
#8. But Phoebe loved her mother best as she was now, wistful, out-of-step, her laugh tinged always with sadness, as if things were only funny in spite of themselves. - Author: Jennifer Egan
Funny Mother Quotes #975232
#9. Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind. - Author: Seanan McGuire
Funny Mother Quotes #970655
#10. You're starting to sound a lot like my mother." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Repetitive." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Very funny. - Author: Brandon Sanderson
Funny Mother Quotes #969331
#11. I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' - Author: Naomi Campbell
Funny Mother Quotes #907831
#12. This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since. - Author: Chic Murray
Funny Mother Quotes #899152
#13. The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job. - Author: Sue Civil-Brown
Funny Mother Quotes #883945
#14. He's my father, whoever he is, so he must have had sex with my mother at least once, and I'd love to kill him for that. - Author: Dean Koontz
Funny Mother Quotes #1077811
#15. Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire. - Author: Alison Bechdel
Funny Mother Quotes #814604
#16. You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person. - Author: Eric Idle
Funny Mother Quotes #805143
#17. [...]he's a man you'd be proud to bring home to mom.
Gay or straight.
Unfortunately, if your mother is anything like mine, you'd probably never get him back out of her house. - Author: Adrienne Wilder
Funny Mother Quotes #799278
#18. Why had his mother gone to the trouble of bringing him into the world if the most exciting moment in his life was having been made lame by a bayonet? - Author: Felix J. Palma
Funny Mother Quotes #794321
#19. I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. - Author: Paul Simon
Funny Mother Quotes #772966
#20. My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty. - Author: Ian Hislop
Funny Mother Quotes #763573
#21. My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. - Author: Kapil Sharma
Funny Mother Quotes #735371
#22. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Author: Groucho Marx
Funny Mother Quotes #702157
#23. Zane sighed. Jovan and Mother were just the same. "Maybe later" meant no. - Author: C.J. Milbrandt
Funny Mother Quotes #682748
#24. He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother? - Author: Johanna Lindsey
Funny Mother Quotes #680041
#25. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers.
Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers. - Author: Habeeb Akande
Funny Mother Quotes #677781
#26. I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?' - Author: Natasha Leggero
Funny Mother Quotes #1260129
#27. Dad was the first man I fell in love with. He was a very funny man. He grew up in the East End of London and was very dynamic, and I understood why my mother fell in love with him. - Author: Patsy Kensit
Funny Mother Quotes #1442362
#28. Once I stand and watch helplessly while some rug rat pulls everything he can reach off the racks, and the thought that abortion is wasted on the unborn must show on my face, because his mother finally tells him to stop. - Author: Barbara Ehrenreich
Funny Mother Quotes #1435219
#29. I don't believe in God, don't believe in the devil. Unless you want to count my mother. She might be Satan's sister, I suppose. - Author: Ellen Hopkins
Funny Mother Quotes #1405993
#30. You talked to your mother about Duncan's erectile dysfunction?" He glared down at her. "Has he considered taking your TV away? - Author: Dana Marie Bell
Funny Mother Quotes #1384937
#31. My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional. - Author: Wayne Gerard Trotman
Funny Mother Quotes #1367887
#32. Auguste Escoffier into what we now know as the five mother sauces of French cuisine. It's funny - Author: Padma Lakshmi
Funny Mother Quotes #1366405
#33. I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could
have turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer - Author: James Patterson
Funny Mother Quotes #1340174
#34. When I was a kid, I wanted to make my parents happy. I'd always say to them, "What do you want me to do? Do sports? Be rich? Be funny?" My mother would say, "Whatever we want from you, you already gave us - we wanted you to be alive, and you made it." - Author: Etgar Keret
Funny Mother Quotes #1313751
#35. Talk about getting off tangent. My mother's friend may have just killed his wife and my parents are sitting there talking about cows. - Author: Wendy Lichtman
Funny Mother Quotes #1313673
#36. My mother and father were very strange people. They tried to be funny which is always very sad to me. - Author: Jonathan Winters
Funny Mother Quotes #1301743
#37. Captain Jibby looked at the door, clenched his teeth, and worked his face into a scowl so fierce you would think the door had insulted his mother - which, for the record, it had not. - Author: Cuthbert Soup
Funny Mother Quotes #1293759
#38. I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny. - Author: Joan Rivers
Funny Mother Quotes #1267916
#39. Oh, my dear! I'm afraid you've mistaken
me for someone else! My name is Rhea Silvia. I was the mother to Romulus and Remus, thousands of years ago. But you're so kind to think I look as young as the 1950s. - Author: Rick Riordan
Funny Mother Quotes #673169
#40. The door opens and my new neighbor is a vampire. He's nearly a foot taller than me. Unruly ink-black hair, and a face made of knife angles. If I were obnoxious, I might use the term shockingly attractive . Or terrifyingly handsome . Holy mother of balls would also be an option. - Author: Eva Morgan
Funny Mother Quotes #1246213
#41. If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then afterward act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your best judgment. - Author: Mark Twain
Funny Mother Quotes #1232349
#42. I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga ... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are." - Author: Bill Cosby
Funny Mother Quotes #1219341
#43. Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!' - Author: Russ Meneve
Funny Mother Quotes #1202581
#44. I had a very funny and depressing talk with my seventy-four-year-old mother. I decided, she doesn't have a bucket list - she has a kick-the-bucket list. - Author: Lori Lesko
Funny Mother Quotes #1198314
#45. As the resident dude, Shane was responsible for the acquisition of party favors, like glow-in-the-dark necklaces and drinks. Non-alcoholic drinks for Claire, of course, because I am a stern house mother even if I suck as a role model. - Author: Rachel Caine
Funny Mother Quotes #1194306
#46. Letter from Griffith-- "I know it is difficult, but do work harder to control yourself. Mother was beside herself with worry when she found you rolling on the floor laughing over a book you were reading."
The memory brought a curve to Miranda's lips. It had been a very funny book. - Author: Kristi Ann Hunter
Funny Mother Quotes #1185337
#47. My father was really good with math. It's a funny thing, I don't remember my father or my mother being so mechanical-minded. My father always wanted to be a doctor, but he came from a really poor family in Georgia, and there was no way he was going to be a doctor. - Author: Herbie Hancock
Funny Mother Quotes #1146341
#48. My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons. - Author: Chris Rock
Funny Mother Quotes #1126345
#49. He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James - Author: Marthe Jocelyn
Funny Mother Quotes #1107276
#50. Isobel moved farther into the kitchen, not knowing whether to be relieved that her mother hadn't had an atomic meltdown, or mortified that she'd taken it upon herself to play head chef with the nearest thing Trenton High had to a Dark Lord. - Author: Kelly Creagh
Funny Mother Quotes #1097679
#51. You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about. - Author: Dave Attell
Funny Mother Quotes #159511
#52. Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press. - Author: Rachel Vincent
Funny Mother Quotes #297533
#53. My father was one-eighth Cherokee indian and my mother was quarter-blood Cherokee. I never got far enough in arithmetic to figure out how much injun that made me, but there's nothing of which I am more proud than my Cherokee blood. - Author: Will Rogers
Funny Mother Quotes #282771
#54. A mother is the best friend God ever gave. - Author: Christian Nestell Bovee
Funny Mother Quotes #256542
#55. The first thing that I learned - and I understood it at a really young age - was that I could get a laugh. Really early. Because my mother and father are funny. - Author: George Clooney
Funny Mother Quotes #233260
#56. You're not enjoying yourself," Syl said. "You're starting to sound a lot like my mother." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Repetitive." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Very funny." "Says the man not laughing," she replied, folding her arms. - Author: Brandon Sanderson
Funny Mother Quotes #227662
#57. I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. - Author: Paula Poundstone
Funny Mother Quotes #209593
#58. When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law. - Author: Carla H. Krueger
Funny Mother Quotes #201871
#59. Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law. - Author: Tim Heaton
Funny Mother Quotes #194437
#60. The funny thing is, I sometimes think my mother loves my father more than he loves her. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe. Is love a contest?"
"What does that mean?"
"Maybe everyone loves differently. Maybe that's all that matters. - Author: Benjamin Alire Saenz
Funny Mother Quotes #187817
#61. Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother. - Author: Katie McGarry
Funny Mother Quotes #183505
#62. Some nice lady came over here with food for us all. She claimed to be your mother. I don't believe it
you're an asshole, and she's good people. - Author: Amy Lane
Funny Mother Quotes #163539
#63. Tino laughed with him and then asked, "What the hell is up with you? You acted like I murdered your mother today."
"Not funny." Chuito sobered. "Mafia doesn't get to make jokes about murdering my mother. - Author: Kele Moon
Funny Mother Quotes #161834
#64. Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he was now quitting school. It was the best day of her life, she replied. With unexpected politeness he bowed, thanked her, and said, likewise. - Author: Carsten Jensen
Funny Mother Quotes #302210
#65. I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby. - Author: Henny Youngman
Funny Mother Quotes #127072
#66. That you, sister. May you be the mother of a bishop. - Author: Brendan Behan
Funny Mother Quotes #120208
#67. Female Chauvinist Pigs is smart, alarming, and extremely funny. With nuance and humor, Levy has written both a convincing expos of sex and desire in contemporary America and an important cultural history. I'm giving a copy to my mother. And my sons. - Author: Cathleen Schine
Funny Mother Quotes #112891
#68. Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn't have the heart to tell my father. - Author: Holly Hood
Funny Mother Quotes #94344
#69. You're starting to look like you did before, and that's not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I'm growing breasts? - Kye - Author: Krista Alasti
Funny Mother Quotes #81736
#70. One thing I will say, they often take it better than a man. Pain, that is. Probably the residue of tolerance from when they were all bloody witches and got stoned or burned or drowned for it, eh lad? Never tell your mother I said that, by the way. - Author: Sarah Hall
Funny Mother Quotes #81671
#71. Think your mother will let me drive you to school tomorrow? Now that we're all friends and united by a belief in the careful use of contraception?"
My cheeks burn, the memory of my mother's mortifying behavior distracting me for a moment. "Yes," I mumble. "I think so. - Author: Stacey Jay
Funny Mother Quotes #40966
#72. My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back. - Author: Chic Murray
Funny Mother Quotes #32008
#73. The mother I'm completely over but the daughter I love to death. The mother I'd like to love to death." "Heh." "Don't do me any favors; only laugh if it's funny." "It is! - Author: Ned Vizzini
Funny Mother Quotes #22041
#74. It's funny. I thought she'd live through anything."
Charlie said, "Me too. I figured even if there was a nuclear war, it would still leave radioactive cockroaches and your mum. - Author: Neil Gaiman
Funny Mother Quotes #10504
#75. Growing up my mother used to tell me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Funny how I always wanted to be me. - Author: Leona Keyoko Pink
Funny Mother Quotes #3099
#76. So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father and my sister, when my mother decided it would be the ideal moment to say - 'Guess what everyone in this jacuzzi has in common? You've all sucked on my tits.' - Author: Russell Howard
Funny Mother Quotes #472213
#77. "Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too." - Author: Charles Dickens
Funny Mother Quotes #661082
#78. How in the world do you tellyour wife that her mother was born a unicon? - Author: Bruce Coville
Funny Mother Quotes #641784
#79. So Carol, you're a housewife and mother. And have you got any children? - Author: Michael Barrymore
Funny Mother Quotes #630226
#80. Coraline tried drawing the mist. After ten minutes of drawing she still had a white sheet of paper with "MIST" written on it one corner in slightly wiggly letters. She grunted and passed it to her mother.
"Mm. Very modern, dear," said Coraline's mother. - Author: Neil Gaiman
Funny Mother Quotes #627223
#81. Emily and I have some funny scenes where we quarrel and it gets quite heated, the mother-daughter relationship. You know, film mothers and daughters adore each other. And some don't. But how could you not love Emily Blunt? But I think I'm just one of those people who's always discontented. - Author: Jacki Weaver
Funny Mother Quotes #626996
#82. Don't fuck with me. I don't like it and I know your mother.
Jory to a Handsy-Hayes Fischer - Author: Mary Calmes
Funny Mother Quotes #580418
#83. You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff. - Author: Cynthia Hand
Funny Mother Quotes #557276
#84. Not everything's funny, Mother."
"No," said Leola, "so I guess when you can laugh,, it's all the sweeter. - Author: Lorna Landvik
Funny Mother Quotes #522770
#85. Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems ... "
"Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue. - Author: Robin Hobb
Funny Mother Quotes #512217
#86. Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?" - Author: Bill Bailey
Funny Mother Quotes #511493
#87. His handsome face is suffused with rage. He stands before me shaking, then to my disgust, bursts into noisy tears; "I shall tell my mother of you!" he sobs and crashes out of the chamber - Author: Alison Weir
Funny Mother Quotes #485663
#88. If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices. - Author: Mother Teresa
Funny Mother Quotes #477773
#89. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.' - Author: Bob Newhart
Funny Mother Quotes #2206
#90. I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!! - Author: Eoin Colfer
Funny Mother Quotes #472101
#91. My mother was an angel," I blurted. "A guardian angel."
Kaidan began to chuckle.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"You. You're a walking contradiction. Horns and a halo. I don't belive it. - Author: Wendy Higgins
Funny Mother Quotes #457878
#92. Sonya's a real person, like your Mother. Thirty years ago, that was your Mother's biggest flaw in my eyes, and now that's the thing I love most about Sonya. It's funny how things end, isn't it? - Author: Matthew Norman
Funny Mother Quotes #441940
#93. Really, if that's the case, you need to stop letting your mother dress you funny. It's hard to take anyone serious as a killer when he looks like an investment banker. The only part of me that's nervous is my checkbook. (Kat) - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny Mother Quotes #414803
#94. Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence. "Boys are like candy," she suddenly says. I grin. "Really, Mom? That's your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens? - Author: Rucy Ban
Funny Mother Quotes #411373
#95. She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth ... Look, there they are. - Author: Molly Harper
Funny Mother Quotes #379526
#96. Go to bed, Cammie," my aunt ordered, sounding exactly like my mother.
"No," I said, sounding exactly like my aunt. - Author: Ally Carter
Funny Mother Quotes #372561
#97. My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.' - Author: Bob Monkhouse
Funny Mother Quotes #369766
#98. I can't pass a puppy, a kid or a baby without stopping. It's really annoying to every boyfriend I've ever head. My mother will roll her eyes and go, "God, really?!" But, I find children funny and great, and I love them. - Author: Minnie Driver
Funny Mother Quotes #329122
#99. My name is Matt Besser, and I'm an Arkansas Razorback. My father is a Jew from Little Rock, Ark., my mother was a Christian from Harrison, Ark., and somehow I'm an atheist now living in L.A. I am a Razorback living in the Razorback diaspora. - Author: Matt Besser
Funny Mother Quotes #318410
#100. You know I love you,' said the other mother flatly.
'You have a very funny way of showing it,' said Coraline. - Author: Neil Gaiman
Funny Mother Quotes #316507

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