Top 45 Funny Louis Quotes
#1. You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."
Louis C.K.
#2. Yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared I might kill Schmeling.
Joe Louis
#3. Now you be careful in the real world" said Armpit " Not everyone is as nice as us.
Louis Sachar
#4. I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining ... "Sir, could you please stop?"
Louis C.K.
#5. What are the chances that you'd be there? It's funny sometimes the way the world works. Makes you think there's got to be a reason things turn out the way they do." -Louis
Michelle Schlicher
#6. It's funny how a person can be right all the time and still be wrong.
Louis Sachar
#7. I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
#9. To me, comedies are usually the least funny movies. Movies that are actually a comedy are usually not all that funny. To me Goodfellas and Raging Bull are two of the funniest movies I ever saw.
Louis C.K.
#10. Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
Robert Louis Stevenson
#11. Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.
Robert Louis Stevenson
#12. I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
Louis XIV
#13. I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.
Louis C.K.
#14. Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.
Louis C.K.
#15. Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those Chinese people, they can fly!" "You know about the Puerto Ricans? They're made of candy!"
Louis C.K.
#16. The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I'll bet they have the jacuzzis going there.
Jerry Coleman
#17. I don't have sex drive ... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'.
Louis C.K.
#18. Madame will forgive me for not perceiving her busyness. It is a sign of the highest breeding to be able to be busy whilst appearing idle to the uninformed observer.
Louis De Bernieres
#19. If we take matrimony at it's lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
Robert Louis Stevenson
#20. Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope with. Like when they took our slaves away. That was really hard for us. So it's pretty even.
Louis C.K.
#21. It's funny, I started by making fake American movies, 'The Transporter' and stuff like that. I was shooting in France, but everything was in English. But then afterwards, I was looking at real French movies like the Jacques Audiard movies.
Louis Leterrier
#22. Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed ... into my mouth.
Louis C.K.
#23. My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.
Louis C.K.
#24. Doing actual comedic material is just about the most joyful endeavor ever. That's the truth. The only time it's not funny is when business gets in the way.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
#25. You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited ... and for me it was between the two buildings going down ... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.
Louis C.K.
#26. I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'
Louis C.K.
#27. Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.
Louis C.K.
#28. There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with You Tube and all the other stuff online.
Louis C.K.
#29. When I'm at home alone, I run up the stairs naked. It's quite funny.
Louis Tomlinson
#30. Dixon was not unconscious of this awed reverence which was given to her; nor did she dislike it; it flattered her as much as Louis the Fourteenth was flattered by his courtiers shading their eyes from the dazzling light of his presence.
Elizabeth Gaskell
#31. I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.
Louis C.K.
#32. It's because his wife left him. That's why he's acting funny. She left him the other night. While she was putting her bags into the taxi he was outside on the footpath begging her to stay. On his knees! Why are men so embarrassing?
Bev
Louis Nowra
#33. It's funny how you can go from hating a girl to maybe liking her, maybe liking her a lot, just because she shows a little interest in you.
Louis Sachar
#34. Ernie thought - what's the expression? - that he had a couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Louis Nowra
#35. On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."
Yogi Berra
#36. I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"
Louis C.K.
#37. Adventure is nothing but a romantic name for trouble.
Louis L'Amour
#38. Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton.
Matt Dunn
#40. Fuck it ... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.
Louis C.K.
#41. Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.
Louis C.K.
#42. For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing the thing. I rented it from Blockbuster and sped to that scene, and it was gone. I called up Blockbuster, and I'm like, "I got an erection, and the scene's not there."
Louis C.K.
#43. One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.
Louis C.K.
#44. I never go about a new project as if I'm trying ot redefine myself. I just like to work, and I'm excited by material I find challenging and - if it's a comedy - exceptionally funny.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
#45. When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!
Louis Tomlinson
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