Funny Lottery Quotes

#1. I must learn to be as the bear in a cage with the stick that pokes it always, through the bars. The bear acts as if the stick is made of air, and takes no notice of it, even when it is sharpened and draws blood. I must do the same.

Ned Hayes

#2. I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

Steven Wright

#3. There is no objective and universally acceptable definition of good and evil. And until we have one, we will go on justifying our own actions, while condemning the actions of the others.

Gregory David Roberts

#4. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Steven Wright

#5. How dare you treat your soil like dirt!

Joel Salatin

#6. I thought Jeanine attacked the Abnegation to seize power, but

Veronica Roth

#7. Someone has done something for us. Something that we can never forget. Something that we can't do again even for our own selves.

M.H. Rakib

#8. But perhaps the greatest escapism of all is to take refuge in the domesticity of the past, the home that history and literature become, avoiding the one moment of time in which we are not at home, yet have to live: the present.

Tim Parks

#9. Our church, which has been fighting in these years only for its self-preservation, as though that were an end in itself, is incapable of taking the word of reconciliation and redemption to mankind and the world.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

#10. When I was 6 I became the poster child for my hospital and would go to banquets and make speeches. I did not get stage fright and I actually enjoyed talking to people of all ages.

Atticus Shaffer

#11. It's like playing the lottery. It doesn't matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off.

Oliver Markus

#12. I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

Mitch Hedberg

#13. We got to do a few things with President Clinton. To be invited to Washington again to play with Ashanti and all those other cool people there in front of President Bush and the rest of the world feels awesome. I'm really looking forward to going.

Darius Rucker

#14. True wisdom reveals itself by loving everyone.

Debasish Mridha

#15. My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

Jimmy Carr

#16. People are so skillful in their ignorance!

Paramahansa Yogananda