Top 50 Funny Lines Quotes

#1. We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'

Elayne Boosler

Funny Lines Quotes #86852
#2. The conundrum that I face on a daily basis is that I have two sons who have grown up watching 'The Simpsons,' so they know exactly what buttons to push. They know how Bart irritates Homer, and they use these lines against me to tell me that I'm not funny anymore.

Matt Groening

Funny Lines Quotes #148874
#3. All lines are gray in the dark.

Nenia Campbell

Funny Lines Quotes #158291
#4. I went in and said, "If I see one more gratuitous shot of a woman's body, I'm quitting ... " I think the show should be emotional story lines, morals, real- life heroes. And that's what we're doing

David Hasselhoff

Funny Lines Quotes #191657
#5. It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man!

Chris Tucker

Funny Lines Quotes #212040
#6. I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

Roseanne Barr

Funny Lines Quotes #244583
#7. Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development.

Jim Jefferies

Funny Lines Quotes #262368
#8. An hour later, a nameless, cold-faced man returned with a tray of fresh pasta, warm bread, and a few bags of brand new comfort clothes: yoga pants, tees, a few sports bras, and ... pink thong underwear? Well, of course. Wouldn't want to be held prisoner and have panty lines.

Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Funny Lines Quotes #299457
#9. If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

Bill Burr

Funny Lines Quotes #345488
#10. She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth ... Look, there they are.

Molly Harper

Funny Lines Quotes #379526
#11. It's funny, you know, time does travel pretty quickly and I do have good friends, and the further away I go from them in location, it matters that I keep on the same line and the same groove that I had and preserve that groove with people who I see seldom.

Robert Plant

Funny Lines Quotes #380315
#12. With comedy, don't try to be funny. That's really helped me. Just say the lines as you would say them, interact with other characters, and try to make it as real as possible. It will come out funny.

Ariel Winter

Funny Lines Quotes #533669
#13. I can't draw a line between myself and stuff that I do. It's funny, I don't want to sound like it's just about this, but really with everything I do, it's hard for me to take myself out of it.

Kristen Stewart

Funny Lines Quotes #573738
#14. With its missed lines and falling tombstones, 'Dark Shadows' was sometimes inadvertently funny, but what made the show work was the fact that the actors and the writers took it all very seriously.

William J. Mann

Funny Lines Quotes #575122
#15. My funny old brain, like those of many poets, has always done its best work sideways, seeking out tricky enjambments and surprising slant rhymes to craft lines capable of pulling their own weight.

Kathleen Rooney

Funny Lines Quotes #587846
#16. I love playing smart and tough and having funny lines.

Jane Elliot

Funny Lines Quotes #646452
#17. I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.

Rainn Wilson

Funny Lines Quotes #699065
#18. What you fought was a dead man, possessed by a disease.' - Setrakian
'What
like a pinche zombie?' - Gus
'Think more along the lines of a man with a black cape. Fangs. Funny accent. Now take away the cape and fangs. The funny accent. Take away anything funny about it.' - Setrakian

Guillermo Del Toro

Funny Lines Quotes #765557
#19. Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.

Tim Conway

Funny Lines Quotes #872079
#20. A funny line can never exist on its own. It needs to be surrounded by mood and circumstances.

Lorrie Moore

Funny Lines Quotes #892893
#21. I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

Steven Wright

Funny Lines Quotes #930726
#22. If you're playing things sincere in a really absurd, heightened situation, you'll achieve comedy as opposed to just saying funny lines and one-liners and stuff.

Jeff Baena

Funny Lines Quotes #947654
#23. I find that very appealing: the blurring of the lines between what's funny and what's tragic. And what's ordinary and what's not - the big things in the small things.

Rachel Joyce

Funny Lines Quotes #1007722
#24. When you're sending emails, you live and die by your subject line. Making it personal or funny can increase your open rate 10 times or more. At the very least, try to pitch some value rather than pointless bragging. 'Work Faster!' is better than 'Version 10.4 now available!'

John Wall

Funny Lines Quotes #1046743
#25. There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.

Scott Adams

Funny Lines Quotes #1057152
#26. Everything funny in a not-funny-at-all kind of way. Sarcasm as something you practiced like karate. Later concealing your mute fury when nobody fed you the opening lines.

Jonathan Lethem

Funny Lines Quotes #1058340
#27. My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

Chris Rock

Funny Lines Quotes #1126345
#28. You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.

S.A. Tawks

Funny Lines Quotes #1153689
#29. We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!

Josh Hutcherson

Funny Lines Quotes #1177817
#30. It's so funny when people who are not used to making movies get into it. You just can't believe how insufferably boring it is. Waiting around and doing these lines over and over and finally having to go in and loop the lines and dub them.

Al Pacino

Funny Lines Quotes #1187143
#31. What's it like to be that goofy little soldier, scared stiff, with his bayonet aimed at Christ? What's it like to have been a woman in a defense-plant job during World War II? What's it like to be a kid at the front lines? It's all funny and tragic at the same time

Studs Terkel

Funny Lines Quotes #1188179
#32. Vomit and shit, even your own, stink.

Sheeja Jose

Funny Lines Quotes #1231805
#33. I basically try not to waste any lines in any of my songs, and I think the witty phrases and funny lyrics I have bring a smarter sound to college hip-hop.

Mike Stud

Funny Lines Quotes #1237344
#34. Sometimes funny is all you've got.

Amy Harmon

Funny Lines Quotes #1249951
#35. I mean if you look at the Charger and you compare it to other cars, the way the lines work, the tires, in 3-D it's gorgeous. One thing that we found was that the reflective surface was weird. It does funny things in 3-D. So you have to deal with that.

Todd Farmer

Funny Lines Quotes #1270387
#36. The hardest thing for everyone, for the writer, for the director and certainly for the actors, is not to panic when they're doing a certain line for the tenth time because everything ceases to be funny after it's been repeated.

Ivan Reitman

Funny Lines Quotes #1293275
#37. Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I've seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

Greg Giraldo

Funny Lines Quotes #1323446
#38. Seems like I've been here before, can't remember when I get this funny feeling, we'll be together again; No straight lines make up my life, all my roads have bends; No clearcut beginnings; so far, no dead ends.

Tom Chapin

Funny Lines Quotes #1449664
#39. Sometimes you do know, in 'Commando' when I said 'I lied', I knew that it was going to be a funny line. I've never had a bad line.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Funny Lines Quotes #1457996
#40. I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia Loren, or funny and humorous, a la Woody Allen. Getting to do things along those lines would be extremely wicked and a dream come true.

Azita Ghanizada

Funny Lines Quotes #1530691
#41. The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.

Eddie Izzard

Funny Lines Quotes #1546414
#42. Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."

Dave Barry

Funny Lines Quotes #1575722
#43. I think, in comedy, timing is everything. You and I could tell the same joke, but if one of our timing is off, it won't be as funny. You've gotta know when to deliver your punch-lines.

T.I.

Funny Lines Quotes #1579881
#44. A whoosh and the lines of fire sucked back toward Ayden, flames disappearing into his hands. Back to normal.
"Ayden's the most visually effective," Matthias said.
A burning scent lingered but no damage to the "hottie" in front of me. I know, I know, but I couldn't resist.

A&E Kirk

Funny Lines Quotes #1664144
#45. It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny.

Steven Michael Quezada

Funny Lines Quotes #1664249
#46. It's a fun job, but it's stressful because you have to be funny. You have to have punch lines and captions. Be funny now! And if you're not inspired, they don't care - be funny now! They have to fill that hole the next day.

Steve Breen

Funny Lines Quotes #1670286
#47. The one thing I think I've noticed about shows that are supposed to be funny on television is that they've sort of become routinized, so there's an awful lot of mannerisms and joke lines that are sort of there to trigger laughter, rather than give actors a chance to play a moment.

Alan Alda

Funny Lines Quotes #1809317
#48. Justin Hermann is one of the best new voices in short fiction-deep and entertaining as hell, with many funny lines, unexpected turns of events, and great insights. Wonderful stories: each one is a trip!

Josip Novakovich

Funny Lines Quotes #1817594
#49. Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive.

Kate Upton

Funny Lines Quotes #1842186
#50. It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up.

Dan Castellaneta

Funny Lines Quotes #1855712

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