Top 37 Funny Insult Quotes

#1. [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

Virginia Woolf

Funny Insult Quotes #3549
#2. It is easy to smile at an insult and pretend it's funny when the person insulting you is hosing you with money.

Al Alvarez

Funny Insult Quotes #31776
#3. This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.

John Swartzwelder

Funny Insult Quotes #40424
#4. You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.

Nenia Campbell

Funny Insult Quotes #77192
#5. You have a mind like the rings of Saturn. A million miles wide and an inch deep.

Kim Stanley Robinson

Funny Insult Quotes #270581
#6. Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!

Kathryn Lasky

Funny Insult Quotes #343552
#7. The Iron Dome is great for the U.S.

Elliott Abrams

Funny Insult Quotes #352745
#8. I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst thing about him.

William Shakespeare

Funny Insult Quotes #430382
#9. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

Funny Insult Quotes #468993
#10. The seer crow was outraged. "Mangiz does not forget an insult, hedgepig."
Ambrose smiled cheekily. "Good, then here's a few more for you to remember, you pot-bellied, cross-eyed, feather-bottomed excuse for a duck.

Brian Jacques

Funny Insult Quotes #480876
#11. She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a Star Trek matter transporter accident.

Andrew Hinkinson

Funny Insult Quotes #537783
#12. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. - NADINE STAIR, EIGHTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Funny Insult Quotes #641139
#13. You should stay and keep me company, so I don't get lonely."

"You don't seem like the type of guy who gets lonely."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?"

Analia only shrugged.

Kiersten Fay

Funny Insult Quotes #671830
#14. If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

Don Rickles

Funny Insult Quotes #673114
#15. Unlike magnets, opposites do not necessarily attract; sometimes they merely bash one another to death.

Brian Haig

Funny Insult Quotes #805331
#16. *Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.

Pseudonymous Bosch

Funny Insult Quotes #836669
#17. Come to me now and loosen me
from blunt agony. Labor
and fill my heart with fire. Stand by me
and be my ally.

Sappho

Funny Insult Quotes #850531
#18. You do not need to accept everything as true, you only have to accept it as necessary.

Franz Kafka

Funny Insult Quotes #879631
#19. Both Othello and Iago seem a bit cracked. If you spend 15 years being responsible for death and destruction, that sense of suppressed horror is strong.

Rory Kinnear

Funny Insult Quotes #897219
#20. I do not understand this man," [Tempi] said. "Is he attempting to buy sex with me? Or does he wish to fight?

Patrick Rothfuss

Funny Insult Quotes #930625
#21. I will not stand here to be insulted by you, hedgepig," Mangiz fumed.
"Then stand somewhere else and I'll insult you there, featherbag!!

Brian Jacques

Funny Insult Quotes #955621
#22. It's hard for me to approach [a film] as a still image now that I know exactly what it takes to make a movie. I mean, I know what it takes to make a movie that lasts five minutes.

Alex Prager

Funny Insult Quotes #1138231
#23. We have to accept that we are just machines. That's certainly what modern molecular biology says about us.

Rodney Brooks

Funny Insult Quotes #1182505
#24. And since when is stealing people's possessions the call of God? you are all hypocrites who have suddenly come into power, and you don't know how to handle it

Dalia Sofer

Funny Insult Quotes #1225299
#25. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.

Gena Showalter

Funny Insult Quotes #1241969
#26. Captain Jibby looked at the door, clenched his teeth, and worked his face into a scowl so fierce you would think the door had insulted his mother - which, for the record, it had not.

Cuthbert Soup

Funny Insult Quotes #1293759
#27. A pang shot through her as she realized how absolutely she trusted the tabby warrior to guard them while they retreated.

Erin Hunter

Funny Insult Quotes #1396898
#28. Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow our car to pick up one of your five girlfriends. You think that beard makes you a man of God?

Dalia Sofer

Funny Insult Quotes #1424564
#29. Humanity needs more than merely information. We express original ideas, humor, and our personal wills. We express passions and emotions. A person's point of view conveys all of these aspects of identity.

Hideo Kojima

Funny Insult Quotes #1456419
#30. You know when you mix butt and Angel in the same sentence, it becomes an insult," I say and take a big gulp from the can. With his back to me, he says, "Trust me, I would never dream of insulting your butt. I'm sure it's better than anything I'm cooking out here.

Rucy Ban

Funny Insult Quotes #1459208
#31. How now, my sweet creature of bombast! How long is't ago, Jack, since thou saw'st thien own knee?

William Shakespeare

Funny Insult Quotes #1468180
#32. When the surgeon general [Joycelyn Elders] said that drugs should be legalized, I saw somebody else who felt what I feel. But she got fired.

Snoop Dogg

Funny Insult Quotes #1589532
#33. Your wit never ceases to underwhelm me.

A&E Kirk

Funny Insult Quotes #1625365
#34. You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.

Henny Youngman

Funny Insult Quotes #1706127
#35. Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut? ... You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now.

Kate Quinn

Funny Insult Quotes #1750306
#36. Will the devil be home?"
"My grandma is not the devil," Ben said, smiling despite the insult. "Besides, isn't the devil a male?"
"I thought so until I met your grandma. Could you tell her to stop calling me Fatty?"
"You could stand to lose a little weight.

Victor Kloss

Funny Insult Quotes #1831460
#37. Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Funny Insult Quotes #1863100

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