Top 74 Funny I'm Ok Quotes
#1. Sometimes writing is like talking to a stranger who's exactly like yourself in every possible way, only to realize that this stranger is as boring as shit.
Chuck Klosterman
#2. She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late.
Sophie Kinsella
#4. Funny, there had been a time when building things was what America did. From massive dams to towering skyscrapers, from mechanized factories to moon rockets, the nation had created, had viewed that as part of the national identity.
Marcus Sakey
#5. Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
Steven Wright
#6. What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.
Paul Feig
#7. He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money.
L. Frank Baum
#8. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#9. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Will Rogers
#12. Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.
Tamora Pierce
#13. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited.
Michael Kors
#14. I've seen people who are not very likeable but hilarious. I think comedians get to a point where they know they're funny, so they don't care - in the sense that they know what they're doing. They have a skill.
Ted Alexandro
#15. It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.
Jackie Vernon
#16. Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean.
Ingrid Michaelson
#17. I see young quarterbacks just coming into the league, and they're throwing screens and layoffs right away. As funny as this might sound, I really learned a lot by going downfield, even in tight coverage.
Peyton Manning
#18. The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick.
Murray Walker
#20. The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.
Russell Howard
#21. When I was a kid, there was no distinction between a movie about old people or young people. It was either funny or not. It was either entertaining or not. It was either exciting or not. It was either thrilling or not.
Joseph Bologna
#22. I grew up a really shy kid, but I always surrounded myself with a lot funny people. It depends on the day - if I feel like being quiet, I will be. I'm not a complete goofball, though.
Manny Montana
#23. I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
Jon Stewart
#24. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.
Tim Vine
#25. All of the films I'm doing are young, urban, high-concept, funny films. That's the zone where I'd like to play and have fun in.
Vir Das
#26. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.'
Bob Newhart
#27. You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell.
Jeni Decker
#28. I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys goes into his trailer, and then people move the stairs, and he comes out of his trailer, and there's no stairs. That's not funny! I don't want to be that guy!
Terry Crews
#29. As an actor myself, the opportunity to sing and dance and be dramatic and be funny - it's really irresistible to actors. You get to show all sides of your talent.
Elizabeth Banks
#30. Growing up my mother used to tell me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Funny how I always wanted to be me.
Leona Keyoko Pink
#32. The way you might fear a cow sitting down in the middle of the street during rush hour, that's how I fear Canadians.
Maria Semple
#33. And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.
Nigella Lawson
#34. The Salton Sea is a huge dead lake south of Palm Springs. There's a town there that's the asshole of the armpit of the world. You'd fit right in.
Neal Shusterman
#35. I guess the breakfast burritos are going to have some extra protein in the morning.
Jon S. Lewis
#36. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.
Kendall Ryan
#37. [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.
Virginia Woolf
#38. Being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.
Wendy Wasserstein
#39. You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."
Louis C.K.
#40. Teaching someone to be funny is like teaching someone to be fast. They're already fast. You're just making them faster.
Ali Farahnakian
#41. My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought.
Brendon Urie
#42. A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key.
Jennifer Lopez
#43. The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology's only credible conspiracy.
Bauvard
#44. If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is.
Peter Wisan
#45. I'm a cartoonist, it's what I am at heart, so cartoons take reality and deform it and make it grotesque, you make it funny, but you alter it. If it works, it's based on reality. That's what I try to do.
Terry Gilliam
#47. I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.
Steve Martin
#48. Boys do suck the brains out of smart girls.
K.A. Tucker
#49. Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
Frank Zappa
#50. I know that look. What are you up to, Gwen?"
"What makes you think I'm up to something?"
The Valkyrie snorted. "You're breathing, aren't you?
Jennifer Estep
#51. Billy Crystal knows how to make people laugh. He's got 30 years on stage ... there's no telling him what's funny.
Harold Ramis
#52. The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent.
Calvin Trillin
#53. A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
#54. I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.
Bill Cosby
#55. I'm 27. I feel like I get it. I'm OK with being sexy if I feel like it. Some days I'm brainy, some days I'm funny, some days I'm sexy, and sometimes, I just want to dance.
Nelly Furtado
#56. I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me ...
Bo Burnham
#57. When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"
Mitch Hedberg
#58. I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
#59. Please don't arrest me."
"Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure."
"You could be undercover.
Derek Landy
#60. I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls ...
Hiroko Sakai
#61. I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "Moo"
Denis Leary
#62. I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, "OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell."
Margaret Cho
#63. I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"
Mitch Hedberg
#64. I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink.
Karl Lagerfeld
#65. Headstones:
What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!"
"This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide."
"OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!
Neil Leckman
#66. Leo," Hazel gasped, "I can't - my arms - "
"Hazel," he said. "Do you trust me?"
"No!"
"Me neither," Leo admitted.
Rick Riordan
#67. I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.
Lauren Myracle
#68. Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK?
Orson Scott Card
#69. I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.
Denis Leary
#70. We weren't Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. I was ok with that, I thought. We had things they didn't, too. Like electricity, and refrigerators. And Mario Kart.
Brittany Cavallaro
#71. I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK!
Denis Leary
#72. I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK.
Mitch Hedberg
#73. Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.
Andy Kindler
#74. I've got a sense of self-preservation. OK, granted , it's still in the original shrink wrap but I've got one if I ever want to use it.
Rachel Caine
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