Top 47 Funny Hate You Quotes
#1. The sun weeps because it can no longer caress your skin or warm your lips." He sifted his fingers through my hair. "I do not envy the sun, Eva. But I truly hate the moon, because its light touches you in all the ways I cannot.
Michele Bardsley
#2. I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist
Gena Showalter
#3. I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"
Mitch Hedberg
#4. Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me!
Jim Carrey
#5. Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive.
Carol Grace
#6. You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.
Denis Leary
#7. I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'
Demetri Martin
#8. I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.
David Sedaris
#9. For the record, I hate skiing ... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
Jim Norton
#10. In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."
Tina Fey
#11. Some say Twitter is overrated.
Some love it, others hate it.
I guess it depends on what you've got,
If you have guts to write a funny plot!
Ana Claudia Antunes
#12. I hate that there's never anyting good on TV on Saturday afternoons. It's like even the networks are trying to get you off your ass and have a life.
Julie Murphy
#13. When you started this engagement farce I thought I was going to hate every minute of it. Instead I loved every minute of it. I loved every minute of being with you. You're bright, sexy, funny, confident, sexy, strong, warm - did I say sexy?
Sarah Morgan
#14. That's a weird way to torture yourself. Just watch a movie, over and over, that you hate. That's really funny - that's probably exactly what hell is like.
Rob Huebel
#15. That old question about whether, as a woman, you can be funny and attractive at the same time. Argh! I hate that question. Of course you can.
Emma Stone
#16. I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
Rodney Dangerfield
#17. I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people.
Peter Cameron
#18. Don't try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you."
"I hate you, too.
Simone Elkeles
#19. I make funny videos. I hate saying I'm a comedian because then people stick their finger in your face and demand you tell a joke. But the other thing people call me is 'a YouTube sensation,' which is even worse.
Katie Nolan
#20. Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?
Sol Luckman
#21. Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?
L.J.Smith
#22. I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"
Mike Birbiglia
#23. I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know.
Cassandra Clare
#24. Brilliant. A very funny and concise explanation of why we men are as we are. If you are male, you should read it and then make your partner read it, so they will no longer hate you but pity you instead.
Harry Enfield
#25. You can be zany and funny or you can do something that really has some depth to it and serious, so there's many different colors to paint with. I would hate to get trapped in one little thing. I always feel like funny is an appendage, but it is not my whole body.
Jim Carrey
#26. You know it's always funny - the more legend awards you get, the closer you get to the grave, I guess, i am going full strength right now so it's great to get these while you're alive, I'd hate to get them after you're dead.
Alice Cooper
#27. God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.
Jim Norton
#28. It's a funny thing, hope. It's not like love, or fear, or hate. It's a feeling you don't really know you had until it's gone.
Anna Quindlen
#29. That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny.
Jennifer Aniston
#30. The thing I hate most about skeletons is you can never tell when they're smiling.
Stephen Blackmoore
#31. Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus.
Tara Sivec
#32. The idea that you can't be attractive and funny at the same time is something that I hate.
Emma Stone
#33. Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff? - Aunt Edna
Janet Evanovich
#35. You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you, Garrett joked.
Tara Sivec
#36. Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"
Ellen DeGeneres
#37. I brought you some coffee." he held out the cup but she waved it away.
"I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know."
-Luke and Clary, pg.209-
Cassandra Clare
#38. They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?
Kami Garcia
#39. I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"
Louis C.K.
#40. Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess."
"I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something.
K.R. Grace
#41. You have to be the prude or the slut, and if you pick one, other people hate you for it, and you can't trust anyone anymore, because they're all after the same thing, and you see that you can never go back to how was before ...
Ned Vizzini
#42. I rubbed at my temple, where the zit was gone. It still hurt a little , though, deep under the skin. I hate those zits that burrow underground. You think they've vanished, but no, they just barricade themselves right next to the bone and hurt.
Lili St. Crow
#44. I hate Risk. I have for many years now. I hate that you still like Risk. I hate that you guilt me into playing with you because no one else will. I hate that you do the accents of the countries you're attacking from. And I hate that you wear a beret every time we play. God, do I hate the beret.
Colin Nissan
#45. These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
Morgan Freeman
#46. Why would you do that? (Delphine) Why do you think? (Jericho) Because I'm a bossy hag and you'd rather be enslaved to a man you hate than deal with me. (Delphine) You know ... you're not funny. (Jericho) I think I'm hysterical. (Delphine)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#47. An old pop music producer once said that there are really only four kinds of song a person can write: "I love you/I hate you/go away/come back!" That's a funny observation.
Matt Redman
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