Top 27 Funny Glasses Quotes

#1. I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

Dara O Briain

Funny Glasses Quotes #12252
#2. As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.

Woody Allen

Funny Glasses Quotes #75258
#3. [He] carefully put a funky-looking pair of reading glasses on her. "There we go. How are they?"
She blinked experimentally, peering around the room. "Good, I think. Thank you."
"Wear them the next time we f***. That would be thanking me."
"Aww. You say the sweetest things."
"Don't I?

Kylie Scott

Funny Glasses Quotes #411055
#4. Your fancy alien train is broken?"
"My fancy alien material transfer system has been sitting unused for over a billion years and half the planet just exploded. Your ship was built less than a decade ago and you can barely keep the coffee pot running."
"You are a sad, bitter little man.

James S.A. Corey

Funny Glasses Quotes #420773
#5. In all my years as an actor, I had never been me - I had always hidden behind my glasses, mustaches and funny voices.

Jon Pertwee

Funny Glasses Quotes #515844
#6. Hackers are nerdy, pasty, tubby, little geeks with triple thick glasses and this is probably a demented otaku with smelly feet. So catching him will be a breeze!

Keiko Nobumoto

Funny Glasses Quotes #574942
#7. They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Glasses Quotes #581218
#8. Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.

Steve Martin

Funny Glasses Quotes #648834
#9. I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"

Jim Gaffigan

Funny Glasses Quotes #683747
#10. Golf is a puzzle without an answer.

Gary Player

Funny Glasses Quotes #736975
#11. It's funny, one of the reasons why I never wear my glasses any more is that, when I was younger, a guy once said that he liked me until he found out that I wear glasses.

Danielle Panabaker

Funny Glasses Quotes #742662
#12. You can never look that tough in glasses ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."

Jim Gaffigan

Funny Glasses Quotes #754210
#13. And what is needed to prevent them from joining gangs was ample recreation for boys as well as girls, jobs and internships for training and money, and assistance to allow their families to live in decent homes.

Bobby Scott

Funny Glasses Quotes #1069894
#14. NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.

Peter Sagal

Funny Glasses Quotes #1089413
#15. Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.

Terry Pratchett

Funny Glasses Quotes #1159785
#16. Sound ... if you look at bats you know that navigate with sonar, they're like you know they're very precise. They can even see a bat head towards a building and swerve away, but you'll see a bird that doesn't ... you know smash right into a glass window. It's very funny.

DJ Spooky

Funny Glasses Quotes #1176138
#17. Why is it you get more tired from sitting and doing nothing than from running around doing too much?

Anita Diamant

Funny Glasses Quotes #1192190
#18. The secret of true prosperity is finding our security through our connection with the divine, with the spiritual world.

Christopher Penczak

Funny Glasses Quotes #1281572
#19. You should have seen him," she said. "A real ladies' man. Stuff in his hair. Dark glasses. Fancy shoes. He had no idea how funny he looked. I much prefer men with ordinary shoes and honest trousers.

Alexander McCall Smith

Funny Glasses Quotes #1345115
#20. She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.

Nenia Campbell

Funny Glasses Quotes #1350705
#21. No, she doesn't know it's me. I'm in disguise. Look, I know someone who does this with just a pair of glasses. And I have glasses AND a moustache.

Dan Slott

Funny Glasses Quotes #1383015
#22. Whenever you're scared of something, don't let that define you. We all feel it, but step up.

Vince Vaughn

Funny Glasses Quotes #1423821
#23. When Springsteen meets a future girlfriend on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, he delivers this electric introduction: "She was Italian, funny, a beatific tomboy, with just the hint of a lazy eye, and wore a pair of glasses that made me think of the wonders of the library.

Bruce Springsteen

Funny Glasses Quotes #1563107
#24. Then she offers him a slim but sincere smile, and he reluctantly returns it. It doesn't bridge the gap between them, but at least it marks the spot where the bridge might be built.

Neal Shusterman

Funny Glasses Quotes #1582045
#25. We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

Chic Murray

Funny Glasses Quotes #1608141
#26. You from within our glasses, you lusty golden brew, whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises. Here's to beer, here's to cheer, here's to beer.

Bedrich Smetana

Funny Glasses Quotes #1666035
#27. Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.

Edwin Arlington Robinson

Funny Glasses Quotes #1688517

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