Funny Get Out Of Jail Quotes

#1. I whispered across the bars to Jackaby as I rose, "Shall I tell them the truth?"
"Have you killed anyone?" he asked, quietly.
"No, of course not!"
"Then I can't imagine why you shouldn't.

William Ritter

#2. If you're fighting against a minimum wage increase, you're fighting an uphill battle, because most Americans, even most Republicans, are okay with raising the minimum wage.

Frank Luntz

#3. I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

Adam Sandler

#4. Hey!' Bruno called out 'Give me the rest of that banana I was eating.

Roald Dahl

#5. When Sam Snead was asked how to putt, he said, 'Putt for one hundred dollars'.

Bob Schieffer

#6. And of course,Addie."
What did he mean by that-"of course, Addie?" Did he mean "Of course you remember this airheaded chick who attacked the mayor with cardboard and had to be bailed out of jail?" That's not what really happened,but how was I supposed to know what he remembered of the incident?

Tristi Pinkston

#7. It's funny, ma'am, how sometimes you're so sarcastic but it doesn't sting."
"Because of my dimples. Dimples are a get-out-of-jail-free card

Dean Koontz

#8. Of all the tales in all the kingdoms in all the Woods, you had to walk into mine.

Soman Chainani

#9. I promise that love isn't easy for anyone. Anywhere.

Amber L. Johnson

#10. If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

Chris Rock

#11. A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

Henny Youngman

#12. I think that it's so powerful for me to go see someone like Bridget Everett at Joe's Pub and watch her weave her songs in and out of these funny, tragic stories - you can talk and sing and it's not this horrible offense, you're going to get thrown in artistic jail.

Kathleen Hanna

#13. That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"

Jim Gaffigan