Top 78 Funny Frank Sayings
#1. He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money.
L. Frank Baum
#2. Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
Frank Zappa
#3. Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
Al Franken
#4. Straight, huh? You know, funny thing is, often the straightest of trees have crooked roots.
Ella Frank
#5. What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human.
Ze Frank
#6. I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
#7. What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.
Frank Carson
#8. Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose.
L. Frank Baum
#9. Glancing at the bottle of tequila in Tate's hand, Logan questioned much more calmly than he felt, "How full was that?"
Tate lifted the quarter-empty bottle and shrugged. "Unopened. Why?
Ella Frank
#10. I don't think of myself as being funny. But life takes strange turns.
Frank Gorshin
#11. He is my dog, Toto," answered Dorothy.
"Is he made of tin, or stuffed?" asked the Lion.
"Neither. He's a
a
a meat dog," said the girl.
L. Frank Baum
#12. The dumbest question I was ever asked by a sportswriter was whether I hit harder with red or white gloves. As a matter of fact, I hit harder with red.
Frank Crawford
#13. Is this a trial of thoughts, or of kittens?' demanded the Woggle-Bug.
'It's a trial of one kitten,' replied the Scarecrow; 'but your manner is a trial to us all.
L. Frank Baum
#14. You are amazing," she said. "And you make a very handsome elephant.
Rick Riordan
#15. 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.
Steve Martin
#16. My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick.
Frank Carson
#17. I start laughing. You have to laugh. Life is just funny sometimes. As long as you remember.
E.R. Frank
#18. An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.
Frank Carson
#19. Going before an audience of people who expect you to be funny is tough. Going before an audience that expect you to be boring, and then being a little funny, is much easier. I prefer easier.
Barney Frank
#20. My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."
Frank Carson
#21. It was a long time ago: 'Angela's Ashes' by Frank McCourt. It was a great story that was lasting, and I loved it so much. I also love Nora Ephron. I gobble up everything she writes. Also, I love Anthony Bourdain, very irreverent and funny.
Isabel Gillies
#22. Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds.
Frank Bruno
#23. No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cute enough to kiss you.
Frank Ocean
#24. Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year!
Jerry Coleman
#25. So I have. Let me hold the baby, Scarlett. Oh, I know how to hold babies. I have many strange accomplishments. Well, he certainly looks like Frank. All except the whiskers, but give him time."
"I hope not. It's a girl.
Margaret Mitchell
#26. It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
Frank Carson
#27. A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."
Frank Carson
#28. A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."
Frank Carson
#29. Nobody fights with Jerry because you know the price would be too high. You might come out the winner, at his age, you might even lick him, but you'd lose an eye, an arm, your testicles in the process, everything would be gone.
Frank Layden
#30. When Frank the Pug is singing I Will Survive, the only reason it's funny is that Will is in that shot trying not to get angry. A shot of a dog singing I Will Survive on its own will not get a laugh.
Barry Sonnenfeld
#31. Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"
Frank Carson
#32. I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
#33. Richard Burton had a tremendous passion for the English language, especially the spoken and written word
Frank Bough
#34. A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"
Frank Carson
#35. A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."
Frank Carson
#36. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Frank Carson
#38. A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
Frank Carson
#40. The amazing thing about Freak Out! was that there was nothing quite like it in rock 'n roll at the time. It was really simultaneously crude and ugly, and incredibly sophisticated. The Beatles were funny, but there was nothing with the kind of sneer that you could feel in the music of Frank Zappa.
Matt Groening
#41. Joaquin Jackson's frank and colorful account of his long career as a modern-day Texas Ranger thrills like an action novel, yet the stories are true, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, but always gripping. I could hardly put the book down ... The writing is superb.
Elmer Kelton
#42. I can't stay mad at Pope Frank. I just can't. It's a funny situation that I like the pope and Mel Gibson doesn't.
Bill Maher
#43. I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it.
Ze Frank
#44. Dreams are funny things. They shift and morph the more you grow.
Ella Frank
#45. Um ... is that thing tame?" Frank said.
The horse whinnied angrily.
"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.
Rick Riordan
#46. When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate ... because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.
Barney Frank
#47. boys, girls and music . . why do they need gin?
Frank
#48. Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
#49. I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
#50. The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
#51. A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."
Frank Carson
#52. My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
#53. I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
Frank Skinner
#54. We walked on the moon. We made footprints somewhere no one else had ever made footprints, and unless someone comes and rubs them out, those footprints will be there forever because there's no wind.
Frank Cottrell Boyce
#55. There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
#56. You're not eating the cheese, Frank says accusingly. And you're fucking my mom, I want to say back.
Lauren Barnholdt
#57. A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."
Frank Carson
#58. Ecology is often confused with environmentalism, while in fact, environmentalism often leaves out the fact that people, too, can be a legitimate part of an ecosystem.
Frank Herbert
#59. The confessions can touch on every human emotion. They can be laugh-out-loud funny, for sure, they can be heart-breaking, they can be sexual or hidden acts of kindness, they can be romantic ...
Frank Warren
#60. Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
#61. I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.
Frank Carson
#62. My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
#63. I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."
Frank Carson
#64. My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
Angie Dickinson
#65. A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."
Frank Carson
#66. A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."
Frank Carson
#67. Oh. My. God.' she said, pointing out of the window. 'Do you know what that is?'
I nodded and said, 'I think I may have seen it before.'
'That,' said Florida, 'is the Moonyouidiot.
Frank Cottrell Boyce
#68. Funny how something that seemed so insignificant, just an old bowl with faded glazed stripes, could trigger so many memories.
Dorothea Benton Frank
#69. Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.
Frank Zappa
#70. That's probably the most sincere thing that I've ever heard come out of your mouth."
Logan lowered his eyes to Tate's hand. "Now, that's not true. I was very sincere this morning when I told you that I loved sucking your - "
"Don't ruin it," Tate interrupted.
Ella Frank
#71. In something like 'Frank,' which is a comedy, albeit a strange and emotional one, you can absolutely put in deleted scenes, and we did because they were just funny and great, but they weren't necessary in the overall structure.
Lenny Abrahamson
#72. I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.
Frank Carson
#73. One time I picked it up and a voice goes, 'Hi, it's Sinatra. Can you play me a record?' I was like, 'Oh yeah, very funny,' and hung up. I thought someone was having a joke, but it was actually Frank. My manager told me there aren't many people who put the phone down on Sinatra.
Tony Blackburn
#74. The art of living. Isn't that a funny expression?
Anne Frank
#75. -Am I allowed to call you Grayson, or have you assumed a new identity as well?
-He's Frank.
Jen Turano
#76. If you really love guitar, you're going to spend every waking hour stroking the thing.
Frank Zappa
#77. I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"
Frank Carson
#78. Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
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