Funny Ellen Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 54 famous quotes and sayings about funny ellen to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 54 Funny Ellen Sayings

#1. Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1431184
#2. I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping? - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1138712
#3. I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.' - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1183379
#4. There's lotion for your face, lotion for your hands, lotion for your feet, lotion for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1204500
#5. I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being ... me. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1227458
#6. It was the right and responsible thing to do, so they put it off until later. - Author: Ellen Potter
Funny Ellen Sayings #1238952
#7. This is so funny," said Ellen, noticing the seating arrangement. "Isn't this funny? Tom, come sit next to Robin. Griffin, sit next to Laura."
I stood up and sat next to Robin while Griffin brought his chair over to Laura.
"That's better," said Ellen. "Isn't that better? - Author: Daniel Amory
Funny Ellen Sayings #1240807
#8. I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1293552
#9. When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1328117
#10. You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1351579
#11. Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?" - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1363683
#12. Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1374520
#13. I don't believe in God, don't believe in the devil. Unless you want to count my mother. She might be Satan's sister, I suppose. - Author: Ellen Hopkins
Funny Ellen Sayings #1405993
#14. I'm glad I'm funny. I'm glad I make people happy, because that's very important. But I'm proud to be known as a kind person. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1415888
#15. When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1131611
#16. Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1481511
#17. A purring noise woke him. Something furry was curled on his chest. Jarby opened one eye slowly. Something black, white, buff, and lemon-smelling. He glared at her and groaned. Stupid wytzl. Buffi chirruped and fluttered away to Poke. - Author: Ellen Dawn Benefield
Funny Ellen Sayings #1507682
#18. Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1545064
#19. It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1601174
#20. Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1644646
#21. All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1682710
#22. All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!" - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1739328
#23. Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1742580
#24. People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1745903
#25. I remember the will said, 'May God thy gold refine.' That must be from the Bible."
"Shakespeare," Turtle said. All quotations were either from the Bible or Shakespeare. - Author: Ellen Raskin
Funny Ellen Sayings #1746058
#26. You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #1786805
#27. I never hear about dear Mike. I wrote Ellen Greene and asked about him and she replyed and never mentioned Mike but told me all about her roomatism. As if I cared about her roomatism. - Author: L.M. Montgomery
Funny Ellen Sayings #1830455
#28. It is better to give than to receive." - Liars - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #639271
#29. I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #86359
#30. She'd call us her bee-utiful girls and take us for hot chocolate on Mondays, because Fridays didn't deserve all the attention. It was funny. I used to think of myself as a Monday and Ellen as a Friday. But Mondays and Fridays were just twenty-four-hour stretches of time with different names. - Author: Julie Murphy
Funny Ellen Sayings #91963
#31. Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school.
Three times in my twenties.
Rocks no salt.
Yes.
Four.
Never. And how dare you!
I will take no further questions. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #158433
#32. What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #180761
#33. I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #282559
#34. My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #374404
#35. Funny how when your life is mostly bullshit, you turn off feeling.
Sometimes it's hard to turn it back on again. - Author: Ellen Hopkins
Funny Ellen Sayings #415086
#36. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #450249
#37. Every photograph is the photographer's opinion about something. It's how they feel about something: what they think is horrible, tragic, funny. - Author: Mary Ellen Mark
Funny Ellen Sayings #561750
#38. There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #569009
#39. Funny thing about the monster. The worse he treats you, the more you love him. - Author: Ellen Hopkins
Funny Ellen Sayings #569092
#40. That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's ... she's too happy. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #616878
#41. You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.' - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #618999
#42. I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #25899
#43. Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #687609
#44. I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #720601
#45. Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers! - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #751427
#46. Writing a memoir isn't particularly interesting to me. I'm not like Ellen [DeGeneres], where I can write, 'Water bottles
they're crazy!' and it's funny. - Author: Lauren Graham
Funny Ellen Sayings #794257
#47. I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #801030
#48. Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #812418
#49. The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #815599
#50. I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #862452
#51. You never know what funny can do. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #922142
#52. Ava, will you watch your fucking mouth?' he sighs, but there's relief in his voice. I'm half tempted to tell him to fetch the anti-bacterial solution and spray it in my mouth. - Author: Jodi Ellen Malpas
Funny Ellen Sayings #932667
#53. My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada. - Author: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Ellen Sayings #935670
#54. Things that go on at Happy Times are very funny this year, and if you were watching last year, some of the people you saw then as basically extras emerge as real characters in their own right this season, at least to some degree. - Author: Ellen Muth
Funny Ellen Sayings #1006859

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