Top 42 Funny Date Sayings

#1. Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.

Yvonne Prinz

Funny Date Sayings #66670
#2. Maybe I shouldn't scare off my date so quickly by shooting guns and telling stories about vomit, but, hey, the sooner he knows the real me, the better.

Vicki Lesage

Funny Date Sayings #95226
#3. My ideal prom date would have to be cute, funny, sweet, nice.

Kendall Jenner

Funny Date Sayings #131778
#4. Same as you, Arthur. I hitched a ride. After all, with a degree in maths and another in astrophysics it was either that or back to the dole queue on Monday. Sorry I missed the Wednesday lunch date, but I was in a black hole all morning.

Douglas Adams

Funny Date Sayings #164999
#5. My Date was waiting for me at the kitchen door, ears perked, tail wagging and bits of wicker clinging to his nose and mouth
Abby Shaw, Sucker Punched

Sammi Carter

Funny Date Sayings #242750
#6. I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot young thing, I'm probably not the first person on their list - the weird, quirky, funny girl.

Whitney Cummings

Funny Date Sayings #275943
#7. When I was dating, my girlfriends and I used to say, 'Don't cry in front of him before date three.' "
"Cry?" I echoed, frowning.
"Yeah. Guys gets skittish when you cry."
"I don't think I have to worry about that one."
"You don't cry?"
"I don't make it to date three.

Kasie West

Funny Date Sayings #321619
#8. This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

Anthony Jeselnik

Funny Date Sayings #487752
#9. She was supportive, didn't pry or expect anything from me, and sensed when I needed my space. If she were a guy, I'd probably date her. Or, if I were a lesbian. And if she were a lesbian. I guess we'd both have to be lesbians for that to work. Regardless, she made a pretty great friend.

Temple West

Funny Date Sayings #579839
#10. Shut. Up," June squealed. "You have a date with that guy?" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Tell me everything."
"I can't do both," I pointed out.

Robin Benway

Funny Date Sayings #579848
#11. I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.

Kurt Fuller

Funny Date Sayings #583104
#12. I'd love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.

Rihanna

Funny Date Sayings #626097
#13. I would have taken Zeb, purely for entertainment value, but he had an actual date, with a real girl. That hadn't happened in a while, so I was a good friend and put my own needs second to the possibility of him actual sex with a real girl.

Molly Harper

Funny Date Sayings #647558
#14. Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player.

Marsha Warfield

Funny Date Sayings #731038
#15. I've got kids and that's important. It's funny, you think that there's an expiration date on them and there just isn't.

Bill Murray

Funny Date Sayings #752134
#16. I attacked him, he healed me, then he took me hunting, I threatened him, and he took me home. Wow. That was like a date.

Juliann Whicker

Funny Date Sayings #758428
#17. Knox Masters is exactly the type of guy I want to date. He dominates a sport I love. He's confident but not arrogant. He's funny, able to laugh at himself, and ... shit, hot as the fires of Mordor. I mean, the One Ring could be forged in his hotness.
I want him.

Jen Frederick

Funny Date Sayings #774334
#18. It's been so many years since I actually had a date that I've forgotten how to act. You don't mention your ex when you've finished fucking your date; it's poor protocol

Scarlet Blackwell

Funny Date Sayings #817869
#19. Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?

Richelle Mead

Funny Date Sayings #902682
#20. Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Candice Bergen

Funny Date Sayings #939938
#21. You bought a prostitute on our date!

Jane Cousins

Funny Date Sayings #966187
#22. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

Adam Carolla

Funny Date Sayings #1024114
#23. If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain.

Lindsey Stirling

Funny Date Sayings #1049862
#24. I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life.

Anyta Sunday

Funny Date Sayings #1050196
#25. It made me feel almost giddy, like a high-school girl watching the captain of the football team worked up his nerve to ask for a date. You mean me? Little old me? Oh my stars, really? Pardon me while I flutter my eyelashes.

Jeff Lindsay

Funny Date Sayings #1050759
#26. It's delicious,' he announces, chewing my sandwich. 'I would like to stay here forever and die with you in my arms.'
'I don't know. I think it's too cold for forever,' I say, smiling.

Joanna Mazurkiewicz

Funny Date Sayings #1066714
#27. When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder

Funny Date Sayings #1085216
#28. All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.
Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.

Tara Janzen

Funny Date Sayings #1126959
#29. Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot.

Justin Bieber

Funny Date Sayings #1157051
#30. 'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments, I really felt like Leo felt like a real person. It didn't feel like I was playing myself. Whether it's a comedy or drama, I just try to make it as realistic as possible.

Jonah Hill

Funny Date Sayings #1170302
#31. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".

Russell Beland

Funny Date Sayings #1243417
#32. No bikinis on a first date." He nods. "I'm sure that's a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.

Huntley Fitzpatrick

Funny Date Sayings #1267636
#33. I think I'm a natural appreciator of comedy. I was definitely not the girl in junior high that all the guys wanted to date. They wanted to date my friends - which was great, because I had to be funny.

Rashida Jones

Funny Date Sayings #1313850
#34. You should seriously get a job planning dates for The Bachelor.

Nicki Elson

Funny Date Sayings #1334340
#35. I don't have a hot date. I don't even have a lukewarm date.

Sarah Morgan

Funny Date Sayings #1356811
#36. I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

Adam Ferrara

Funny Date Sayings #1393880
#37. When I opened the door, Andrew was standing there like a remedy for heart palpitations. Or maybe he made them worse. It was hard to tell.

N.R. Walker

Funny Date Sayings #1566859
#38. I had a friend who, after 25 years of marriage, found himself trying to date again, and it was completely different. Everything had changed, and he had to reacquaint himself. It was funny even talking to him about it. For someone who has been out of the loop, it's a different world.

Steve Carell

Funny Date Sayings #1578358
#39. As he grinned, a dimple formed on his right cheek. My heart quivered. Men like him should come with a warning: date at your own risk

Jayde Scott

Funny Date Sayings #1644837
#40. Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.
'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.
'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.
'Huh?' said Lester.

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Funny Date Sayings #1688497
#41. From: Christian Grey
Subject: &*%$&*&*
Date: August 23 2011 11:23
To: Anastasia Grey
Believe me when I say there are a great many things he'd like to do to your ass right now. Firing you is not one of them.
Christian Grey
CEO & Ass man, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

E.L. James

Funny Date Sayings #1707805
#42. It's funny. I competed against a 13-year old girl at the Winter X Games. I looked down at her birth date and it said 2000. I was like, "Huh, I wonder if she even knows what Y2K is?" But I guess I've just been able to build a foundation.

Kelly Clark

Funny Date Sayings #1754126

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