Top 32 Funny Cosby Sayings
#1. I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there.
Bill Cosby
#2. Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
Bill Cosby
#4. I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.
Bill Cosby
#5. The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."
Bill Cosby
#6. The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.
Bill Cosby
#7. I wanted to shove her typewriter on the floor. I hated it and I hated her. I wanted to be a Cosby.
Augusten Burroughs
#8. I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'
Joan Rivers
#9. The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.
Demetri Martin
#10. The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.
Bill Cosby
#11. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.
Chris Rock
#12. There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Bill Cosby
#13. Our neighbors were so excited when a black family moved in that they got them a welcome basket with the first three seasons of The Cosby Show on DVD.
Flynn Meaney
#14. A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
Bill Cosby
#15. My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.
Bill Cosby
#16. I'm inspired by people who are unapologetically themselves, from Bill Cosby to Fahim Anwar. Just funny people.
Jerrod Carmichael
#17. Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job ... Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.
Bill Cosby
#18. I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
Bill Engvall
#19. Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"
Bill Cosby
#20. George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work.
Bill Cosby
#21. My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.
Bill Cosby
#22. If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them and is supposed to be funny, what you'll notice is that they don't laugh.
Bill Cosby
#23. A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.
Bill Cosby
#24. I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga ... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."
Bill Cosby
#25. If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.
Bill Cosby
#26. I'm supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty," I told her.
Without a moment's hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: "It depends on if you're drinking or pouring.
Bill Cosby
#27. Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!
Bill Cosby
#28. I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"
Bill Cosby
#29. I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.
Bill Cosby
#30. My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.
Bill Cosby
#31. The serve was invented so that the net could play.
Bill Cosby
#32. "And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick ... " And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.
Bill Cosby
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