Top 34 Funny Cook Quotes

#1. I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

Dara O Briain

Funny Cook Quotes #12252
#2. My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian ...

Jimmy Carr

Funny Cook Quotes #45342
#3. If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #85991
#4. I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Cook Quotes #235196
#5. People should go to their local grocery store or farmers' market and buy ugly, misshapen foods, then cook with them and document their dishes. And share not only the funny-looking foods, but the fantastic results.

Dana Cowin

Funny Cook Quotes #320799
#6. The funny thing about Thanksgiving ,or any big meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it then go home and cook,chop,braise and blanch. Then it's gone in 20 minutes and everybody lies around sortof in a sugar coma and then it takes 4 hours to clean it up.

Ted Allen

Funny Cook Quotes #386292
#7. It's a funny thing, but it's often overlooked that I'm a huge devout lover of French cooking. I have the utmost respect for them, though they have lost their respect for me because they think the way I cook is nutty.

Wylie Dufresne

Funny Cook Quotes #414884
#8. You fellows are amazing,' the sweaty cook roared over the stoves. 'Everything happens to you only. Each time you come here, you have a new adventure story to entertain us

Rohinton Mistry

Funny Cook Quotes #420077
#9. I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #434859
#10. Yeah, sure. You know I can't stand the sight of blood, right?"
"Said no one ever while dating a vampire," he quipped
"Very clever. Ten points to Gryffindor.

Kristi Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #480695
#11. Sitting alone in the cafeteria would just scream I'm the new girl. Everyone stare at me while I eat.

Kristi Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #518436
#12. If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.

David Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #534386
#13. If I get killed, put my boots back on me.

John Sandford

Funny Cook Quotes #550798
#14. Volvos are fundamentally invisible.

John Sandford

Funny Cook Quotes #613408
#15. When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

Mitch Hedberg

Funny Cook Quotes #629403
#16. Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart.
Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook.

Mae West

Funny Cook Quotes #645864
#17. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers.
Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers.

Habeeb Akande

Funny Cook Quotes #677781
#18. It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."

Johnny Carson

Funny Cook Quotes #721460
#19. Funny how you can think that the world is ending but still believe things will work out. We always think there's going to be a happy ending somewhere.

Lorna Jane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #891593
#20. The business world and adult society only really made sense to me if they were supposed to be funny, but I didn't see many other people laughing, so I started inventing my own worlds where life seemed more how it should be.

Christian Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #965716
#21. I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #990931
#22. I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #1122526
#23. Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

Oscar Wilde

Funny Cook Quotes #1204201
#24. I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #1207363
#25. I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny

Haresh Daswani

Funny Cook Quotes #1270877
#26. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Rita Rudner

Funny Cook Quotes #1328690
#27. Like the NRA says, it's better to have a machine gun and not need it than to need a machine gun and not have it.

John Sandford

Funny Cook Quotes #1333292
#28. Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta

Saira Viola

Funny Cook Quotes #1348159
#29. I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #1372489
#30. Never trust a skinny cook

Iain Hewitson

Funny Cook Quotes #1419923
#31. Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #1458592
#32. I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #1551255
#33. OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!"
*smack*
J-just now, that made a really loud noise.."
Do you wanna hear it again?"
N-no, you'll just hit me again!"
Kyo and Tohru

Natsuki Takaya

Funny Cook Quotes #1557267
#34. Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.

Dane Cook

Funny Cook Quotes #1710742

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