Top 34 Funny Cook Quotes
#1. I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.
Dara O Briain
#2. My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian ...
Jimmy Carr
#3. If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
Dane Cook
#4. I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
Jerry Seinfeld
#5. People should go to their local grocery store or farmers' market and buy ugly, misshapen foods, then cook with them and document their dishes. And share not only the funny-looking foods, but the fantastic results.
Dana Cowin
#6. The funny thing about Thanksgiving ,or any big meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it then go home and cook,chop,braise and blanch. Then it's gone in 20 minutes and everybody lies around sortof in a sugar coma and then it takes 4 hours to clean it up.
Ted Allen
#7. It's a funny thing, but it's often overlooked that I'm a huge devout lover of French cooking. I have the utmost respect for them, though they have lost their respect for me because they think the way I cook is nutty.
Wylie Dufresne
#8. You fellows are amazing,' the sweaty cook roared over the stoves. 'Everything happens to you only. Each time you come here, you have a new adventure story to entertain us
Rohinton Mistry
#9. I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
Dane Cook
#10. Yeah, sure. You know I can't stand the sight of blood, right?"
"Said no one ever while dating a vampire," he quipped
"Very clever. Ten points to Gryffindor.
Kristi Cook
#11. Sitting alone in the cafeteria would just scream I'm the new girl. Everyone stare at me while I eat.
Kristi Cook
#12. If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.
David Cook
#15. When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"
Mitch Hedberg
#16. Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart.
Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook.
Mae West
#17. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers.
Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers.
Habeeb Akande
#18. It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."
Johnny Carson
#19. Funny how you can think that the world is ending but still believe things will work out. We always think there's going to be a happy ending somewhere.
Lorna Jane Cook
#20. The business world and adult society only really made sense to me if they were supposed to be funny, but I didn't see many other people laughing, so I started inventing my own worlds where life seemed more how it should be.
Christian Cook
#21. I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny.
Dane Cook
#22. I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook
#23. Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
Oscar Wilde
#24. I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
Dane Cook
#25. I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny
Haresh Daswani
#26. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
#27. Like the NRA says, it's better to have a machine gun and not need it than to need a machine gun and not have it.
John Sandford
#28. Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta
Saira Viola
#29. I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.
Dane Cook
#31. Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
Dane Cook
#32. I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.
Dane Cook
#33. OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!"
*smack*
J-just now, that made a really loud noise.."
Do you wanna hear it again?"
N-no, you'll just hit me again!"
Kyo and Tohru
Natsuki Takaya
#34. Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.
Dane Cook
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