Top 34 Funny Company Sayings

#1. It's like when you're on hold and a recorded voice comes on telling you how much the company values you as a customer. Really? Then maybe you should hire some more support people so I don't have to wait thirty minutes to get help.

Jason Fried

Funny Company Sayings #18132
#2. Frankly, most of my friends hold very different political beliefs. It's just a funny thing in this country that supposedly you can't sit down and have dinner and enjoy another person's company if you don't have the same beliefs. It's ridiculous.

Patricia Heaton

Funny Company Sayings #122495
#3. I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Company Sayings #155351
#4. A company could use bricks to measure their growth rate. How many bricks have angry investors thrown at you lately? If the answer is none, then your growth rate is probably pretty good ... for the moment.

Amy Summers

Funny Company Sayings #237942
#5. My only relationship policy is, don't bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don't let it affect your work.

Paula Graves

Funny Company Sayings #284819
#6. You're flying Buzz! No Woody we're falling in style!

Walt Disney Company

Funny Company Sayings #349205
#7. I can't go into a long explanation before company; but I couldn't help it, upon my honour."
Upon your what?" growled Sikes, with excessive disgust. "Here! Cut me off a piece of that pie, one of you boys,to take the taste of that out of my mouth, or it'll choke me dead.

Charles Dickens

Funny Company Sayings #350161
#8. Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency.

Mac Barnett

Funny Company Sayings #425421
#9. What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

Mark Twain

Funny Company Sayings #530858
#10. To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

Lew Wasserman

Funny Company Sayings #613515
#11. Inviting a goblin to cross your threshold was a recipe for disaster, and certainly worse than doing the same with a vampire. With the latter all you got was a nasty bite, but the company, the extraordinarily good sex and the funny stories more than made up for it - apparently.

Jasper Fforde

Funny Company Sayings #654959
#12. But Wall Street people are in fact very smart; they're funny, they're not company men who work their way up the chain.

Paul Krugman

Funny Company Sayings #660923
#13. You should stay and keep me company, so I don't get lonely."

"You don't seem like the type of guy who gets lonely."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?"

Analia only shrugged.

Kiersten Fay

Funny Company Sayings #671830
#14. It's funny, when I'm not on the road or doing stuff with Bad Company - or whatever- I've always written songs galore ... a lot of stuff people don't even hear.

Mick Ralphs

Funny Company Sayings #744974
#15. When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.

Mike Judge

Funny Company Sayings #752935
#16. I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, "Screw it. Cut 'em up!"

Mitch Hedberg

Funny Company Sayings #777694
#17. Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they'll at least have something to keep them warm after they've lost all their money when the company goes under.

Amy Summers

Funny Company Sayings #840733
#18. My company is known for being funny as well as moving. You get a bit of everything in these shows. I think people know they're going to have a surprising experience.

Matthew Bourne

Funny Company Sayings #849224
#19. These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.

Randy Glasbergen

Funny Company Sayings #897514
#20. Some years later, long after he and Megadeth parted company, Jay Jones was stabbed to death with a butter knife during-rumor has it-a fight over a bolonga sandwich. That's not funny, of course. But, if you knew Jay, neither is it particularly suprising.

Dave Mustaine

Funny Company Sayings #1021460
#21. I adore the company of other writers because they are so often lively minds and, frequently, blazingly funny. And of course, we get each other in a unique way.

Scott Turow

Funny Company Sayings #1159722
#22. I didn't want to prejudge but based on the company he kept, the glistening of his suit, and the poser-like swagger, I somehow suspected that Shiny Suit was what the students today technically refer to as a douchebag.

Harlan Coben

Funny Company Sayings #1206166
#23. You know what they say, Two pairs a company, cheese a croud

Annoying Orange

Funny Company Sayings #1252855
#24. I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'

Mitch Hedberg

Funny Company Sayings #1270809
#25. Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy

Neil Young

Funny Company Sayings #1273104
#26. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

Funny Company Sayings #1279042
#27. Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

Randy Glasbergen

Funny Company Sayings #1325669
#28. On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike.

Alvin Robertson

Funny Company Sayings #1419585
#29. There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.

Criss Jami

Funny Company Sayings #1442778
#30. You're boring me, M'Ordant. Go away." V'Aidan
"You can't be bored." M'Ordant
"And a good thing, too, since I'd no doubt perish from it while in your company." V'Aidan

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Funny Company Sayings #1444741
#31. I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

Rowan Atkinson

Funny Company Sayings #1508349
#32. Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do.

Joyce DeWitt

Funny Company Sayings #1522446
#33. A company is known by the people it keeps.

Will Rogers

Funny Company Sayings #1631904
#34. You're funny.' Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. 'And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.'
'Ninety percent of Eastwood's male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally.

Robyn Schneider

Funny Company Sayings #1682537

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