Top 34 Funny Company Sayings
#1. It's like when you're on hold and a recorded voice comes on telling you how much the company values you as a customer. Really? Then maybe you should hire some more support people so I don't have to wait thirty minutes to get help.
Jason Fried
#2. Frankly, most of my friends hold very different political beliefs. It's just a funny thing in this country that supposedly you can't sit down and have dinner and enjoy another person's company if you don't have the same beliefs. It's ridiculous.
Patricia Heaton
#4. A company could use bricks to measure their growth rate. How many bricks have angry investors thrown at you lately? If the answer is none, then your growth rate is probably pretty good ... for the moment.
Amy Summers
#5. My only relationship policy is, don't bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don't let it affect your work.
Paula Graves
#7. I can't go into a long explanation before company; but I couldn't help it, upon my honour."
Upon your what?" growled Sikes, with excessive disgust. "Here! Cut me off a piece of that pie, one of you boys,to take the taste of that out of my mouth, or it'll choke me dead.
Charles Dickens
#8. Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency.
Mac Barnett
#9. What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.
Mark Twain
#10. To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
Lew Wasserman
#11. Inviting a goblin to cross your threshold was a recipe for disaster, and certainly worse than doing the same with a vampire. With the latter all you got was a nasty bite, but the company, the extraordinarily good sex and the funny stories more than made up for it - apparently.
Jasper Fforde
#12. But Wall Street people are in fact very smart; they're funny, they're not company men who work their way up the chain.
Paul Krugman
#13. You should stay and keep me company, so I don't get lonely."
"You don't seem like the type of guy who gets lonely."
"Is that a compliment or an insult?"
Analia only shrugged.
Kiersten Fay
#14. It's funny, when I'm not on the road or doing stuff with Bad Company - or whatever- I've always written songs galore ... a lot of stuff people don't even hear.
Mick Ralphs
#15. When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.
Mike Judge
#16. I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, "Screw it. Cut 'em up!"
Mitch Hedberg
#17. Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they'll at least have something to keep them warm after they've lost all their money when the company goes under.
Amy Summers
#18. My company is known for being funny as well as moving. You get a bit of everything in these shows. I think people know they're going to have a surprising experience.
Matthew Bourne
#19. These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.
Randy Glasbergen
#20. Some years later, long after he and Megadeth parted company, Jay Jones was stabbed to death with a butter knife during-rumor has it-a fight over a bolonga sandwich. That's not funny, of course. But, if you knew Jay, neither is it particularly suprising.
Dave Mustaine
#21. I adore the company of other writers because they are so often lively minds and, frequently, blazingly funny. And of course, we get each other in a unique way.
Scott Turow
#22. I didn't want to prejudge but based on the company he kept, the glistening of his suit, and the poser-like swagger, I somehow suspected that Shiny Suit was what the students today technically refer to as a douchebag.
Harlan Coben
#23. You know what they say, Two pairs a company, cheese a croud
Annoying Orange
#24. I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'
Mitch Hedberg
#25. Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy
Neil Young
#26. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
#27. Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.
Randy Glasbergen
#28. On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike.
Alvin Robertson
#29. There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.
Criss Jami
#30. You're boring me, M'Ordant. Go away." V'Aidan
"You can't be bored." M'Ordant
"And a good thing, too, since I'd no doubt perish from it while in your company." V'Aidan
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#31. I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.
Rowan Atkinson
#32. Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do.
Joyce DeWitt
#33. A company is known by the people it keeps.
Will Rogers
#34. You're funny.' Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. 'And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.'
'Ninety percent of Eastwood's male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally.
Robyn Schneider
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