Top 44 Funny Coffee Sayings

#1. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited.

Michael Kors

Funny Coffee Sayings #1161
#2. When I made coffee and Xeroxed and distributed newspapers at ABC News, I thought my life was over.

Katie Couric

Funny Coffee Sayings #34257
#3. The saga started out a normal day - don't they all? I mean, surely one morning back there in prehistoric times a dinosaur woke up, yawned, chewed some coffee beans, and thought his day was going to be dead boring, just before a comet slammed into his neighborhood.

Rachel Caine

Funny Coffee Sayings #63756
#4. Will you go out with me for a cup of coffee?" "No." "No?" "I prefer tea, thank you.

Padma Venkatraman

Funny Coffee Sayings #74057
#5. A woman appeared and began to generate tea and coffee

Max Barry

Funny Coffee Sayings #89144
#6. A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ... "

Emo Philips

Funny Coffee Sayings #97183
#7. I have crushes on celebrities or people I meet or see in the coffee shop, and every day I fall in love with three people simply because they said one funny thing or appeared to me in a certain way.

Mindy Kaling

Funny Coffee Sayings #178916
#8. You'll find my leg under the coffee table.

John Green

Funny Coffee Sayings #197213
#9. Good gravy on biscuits, girlfriend, you are in the middle of more messes than a platter of scrambled eggs. What's going on? Are the planets aligned funny? Or is that unaligned? Shoot, I have no idea. But I need to know what's going on. You and I will be going out for coffee in about thirty seconds.

Paige Shelton

Funny Coffee Sayings #247640
#10. It's funny to me that people find other people getting coffee really interesting, or walking their dog in the dog park.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Funny Coffee Sayings #331486
#11. Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."
I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.
"They're for you."
"You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?

Holly Black

Funny Coffee Sayings #387280
#12. Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.

Holly Black

Funny Coffee Sayings #431328
#13. For Breakfast I like my coffee warm and cozy and my eggs funny side up.

Stanley Victor Paskavich

Funny Coffee Sayings #440625
#14. How's it going down there?"
"It's weird. They're too polite, they talk funny, and stuff has too much shine on it. But the coffee's worse than Central's, so that's something.

J.D. Robb

Funny Coffee Sayings #501945
#15. Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury.

Saleem Sharma

Funny Coffee Sayings #506912
#16. You know, it's funny what you'll miss when you're away from home. Now me, I miss the smell of coffee ... and bacon frying in the morning.

Fannie Flagg

Funny Coffee Sayings #552789
#17. I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.

Ryan Lilly

Funny Coffee Sayings #652350
#18. If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all."
"Too bad your personality's not water-soluble.

Jesse Hajicek

Funny Coffee Sayings #714655
#19. It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere.

Mindy Levy

Funny Coffee Sayings #729668
#20. This was going to be the best cup of tea ever, even if it did look piss weak and oily. He took a gentle sip. Motherfuckers. It was coffee.

Simon Dunn

Funny Coffee Sayings #766611
#21. Tex, you look like a serial killer in this picture!" I shouted.
"Yeah, so?" Tex answered.
I stared.
"You think people wouldn't pay good money to have a serial killer make them coffee?" he boomed.

Kristen Ashley

Funny Coffee Sayings #789100
#22. Uh, puedo hablar con Andrew Nelson, por favor?" I asked, feeling like an idiot.
"Quien?"
"El americano," I explained. "Muy grande americano."
In trying to describe my father, I sounded like I was ordering coffee. But it worked.

Kate Klise

Funny Coffee Sayings #805303
#23. I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.

Bill Engvall

Funny Coffee Sayings #817854
#24. I think that what's funny is that I seem to be taking up the roles that I remember my dad having - for some reason, I'm the one who makes the coffee, and my dad was always that guy. It's kind of shocking how closely I compare to my dad.

James Mercer

Funny Coffee Sayings #1013219
#25. The coffee's done? I LOVE IT WHEN THE COFFEE'S DONE!

Craig Benzine

Funny Coffee Sayings #1016539
#26. You make good coffee ... You're a slob, but you make good coffee.

Cher

Funny Coffee Sayings #1228165
#27. Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.

Janet Evanovich

Funny Coffee Sayings #1251027
#28. YOU WILL DRINK THE COFFEE UNTIL I CAN SEE MY FACE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE CUP!" I did not mean to roar. "But it's a clay cup." "I DO NOT CARE!" He finished the coffee. "You did not have to finish it," I said, because I could perceive that he was rebuilding the Great Wall of China with shit bricks.

Jonathan Safran Foer

Funny Coffee Sayings #1266293
#29. I'd given him bits and pieces of my peculiar life, but colored softer and funnier than they had been. I'd painted my dad as Don Quixote in a semi, on a quest for philosophical truths and the best cup of coffee in the nation.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Funny Coffee Sayings #1284233
#30. Endure for another day, Mister Tannen, and you'll have all the foul black misuse of water you can drink.

Scott Lynch

Funny Coffee Sayings #1285792
#31. COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up!

Tanya Masse

Funny Coffee Sayings #1321542
#32. She stared down into her coffee, as if she had more to say, but the words had fallen into the mug and were now too soggy to use.

Rachel Vincent

Funny Coffee Sayings #1342808
#33. I brought you some coffee." he held out the cup but she waved it away.
"I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know."
-Luke and Clary, pg.209-

Cassandra Clare

Funny Coffee Sayings #1411002
#34. Cody had said it was magic, and had told me not to ask any questions lest I anger the wee daemons inside who make the gloves work and our coffee taste good

Brandon Sanderson

Funny Coffee Sayings #1438748
#35. Slayde came out of the kitchen, long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, T-shirt dusted with flour, coffee in hand. If you wake the kids up before two, I'm going to beat you with a skillet.

Sean Michael

Funny Coffee Sayings #1466913
#36. It was around then that the phone rang. It was my friend Cee Cee, wanting to know if I cared to join her and Adam McTavish at the Coffee Clutch to drink iced tea and talk bad about everyone we know.

Meg Cabot

Funny Coffee Sayings #1508046
#37. Julie Seagle: A typical espresso only has 1/3 the caffeine of a regular-size cup of coffee, so all you snobs can bite me. I can out-caffeine you any day. Of course, I can't pretend to be a giant using a non-giant's cup, but I'll deal.

Jessica Park

Funny Coffee Sayings #1543297
#38. [The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I'm carrying piping hot coffee.

Wes Locher

Funny Coffee Sayings #1579146
#39. I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.

Gary Larson

Funny Coffee Sayings #1583773
#40. The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should've been before sunrise and pre-coffee.

Kelly Moran

Funny Coffee Sayings #1600227
#41. Sip tea and coffee with those who say you can,
politely stuff with cookies any who say you cannot.
Because the stuff they are feeding you, be it the latter,
looks strangely a bit like the little chocolate chips.

Tom Althouse

Funny Coffee Sayings #1747148
#42. The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Funny Coffee Sayings #1763802
#43. Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city; Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.

Dylan Moran

Funny Coffee Sayings #1774547
#44. They always have good coffee here," Ebenezar said a few moments later. "And they don't call it funny names," I said. "It's just coffee. Not frappalattegrandechino.

Jim Butcher

Funny Coffee Sayings #1802600

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