Funny Chic Murray Quotes

#1. My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back. - Author: Chic Murray

#2. We must come with great expectation--for we will experience just what we expect. - Author: Barbara Hughes

#3. I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in. - Author: Chic Murray

#4. A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them. - Author: Chic Murray

#5. I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it. - Author: Chic Murray

#6. My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off. - Author: Chic Murray

#7. As a writer of historical fiction, I believe you don't want to fictionalize gratuitously; you want the fictional aspects to prod and pressure the history into new and exciting reactions. - Author: Matthew Pearl

#8. I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself. - Author: Chic Murray

#9. With our limited life spans, we mere mortals have to figure out what best to do with our time so that when it ends we aren't ashamed to put our name on it, call it our life. - Author: Joey W. Hill

#10. Even when the band got back together in 2008, New Kids fans knew I was gay. Everyone did. - Author: Jonathan Knight

#11. The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil. - Author: Chic Murray

#12. My sister wanted a cat for a pet ... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark. - Author: Chic Murray

#13. I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it. - Author: Chic Murray

#14. She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right. - Author: Chic Murray

#15. There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed. - Author: Chic Murray

#16. A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on. - Author: Chic Murray

#17. I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing. - Author: Chic Murray

#18. I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you." - Author: Chic Murray

#19. This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since. - Author: Chic Murray

#20. I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time. - Author: Chic Murray

#21. I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window. - Author: Chic Murray

#22. So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it." - Author: Chic Murray

#23. I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section. - Author: Chic Murray

#24. Words on the page don't have the same impact as somebody saying the words to you. - Author: Rik Mayall

#25. God, he liked this man. In fact, Tate thought he was pretty damn amazing, and that was when it hit him. Somehow, this man is perfect for me. Tate brought his eyes back to Logan's face. How can that be? And more importantly, how am I okay with the fact that my perfect person is a him. - Author: Ella Frank

#26. It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed. - Author: Chic Murray

#27. A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet. - Author: Chic Murray

#28. Why make disciples? Because heaven and hell exist, and the end of the world is coming. - Author: David Platt

#29. The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder. - Author: Chic Murray

#30. From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate. - Author: Socrates

#31. My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton. - Author: Chic Murray

#32. My parents never understood me; they were Japanese. - Author: Chic Murray

#33. There isn't any doubt I make strange combinations, but what to do on that problem? - Author: Deyth Banger

#34. We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons. - Author: Chic Murray

#35. We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements. - Author: Chic Murray

#36. My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course. - Author: Chic Murray

#37. Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep. - Author: Chic Murray

#38. True valor lies between cowardice and rashness. - Author: Miguel De Cervantes

#39. I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to. - Author: Chic Murray