Top 33 Funny Butcher Sayings

#1. Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?"
"I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go.

Shannon K. Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #24025
#2. I'm not exactly a useless cream puff.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #132563
#3. (One does not simply walk into Mordor--except that was exactly what everyone in the story did anyway.)

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #150476
#4. My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

Frank Carson

Funny Butcher Sayings #411395
#5. BLARGLE SLORG NOTH HARGHLE FTHAGN! You know. The usual.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #444401
#6. Bob, would you be willing to take on Evil Bob?"
Bob's eyes darted nervously. "I'd ... prefer not to. I'd really, really prefer not to. You have no idea. That me was crazy. And buff. He worked out.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #629344
#7. Mortimer Lindquist seemed to have finally given in to the inevitable. I'd seen him with a bad toupee, and with an even worse comb-over, but this was the first time I'd seen him sporting a full-on Charles Xavier.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #663464
#8. I sometimes give myself excellent advice. Occasionally, I even listen to it.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #733910
#9. None of my issues have included memory loss or unconscious actions," she said.
Thomas squinted back at her. "If they had, how would you know it?"
Molly frowned. "Valid point.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #780135
#10. I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."

Chic Murray

Funny Butcher Sayings #865018
#11. The wacky thing about those bad guys is that you can't count on them to be obvious. They forget to wax their mustaches and goatees, leave their horns at home, send their black hats to the dry cleaner's. They're funny like that.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #980593
#12. Try not to look like that," Ascher said under breath, after we were in the elevator.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Like you're expecting ninjas to leap out of the trash cans. This is a party."
"Everyone knows there's no such things as ninjas," I scoffed. "But it will be something. Count on it.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #984135
#13. That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane."
Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then?

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1010848
#14. If you turn into a hideous monster and I am sent to slay you, I will remember this and make it as painless as I can, out of respect for you.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1060531
#15. You think you're funny." "Oh, I know I'm funny. Unappreciated, but funny.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1064575
#16. Then this," Grimm said, "is what I believe professional inquisitors refer to as a clue."
"In my considered judgment as an occasional inquisitor for the Spirearch," Benedict said, "I believe you may be correct.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1084169
#17. Let come the forces of night! We will stand!"
"We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1132997
#18. I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Butcher Sayings #1143936
#19. Come with me if you want to live.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1195112
#20. There is no spoon.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1241263
#21. I had bitten into my tongue, and I either had to spit or swallow. I swallowed. No comments, please.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1245795
#22. Where do you find a stomach on a Thursday afternoon in Reno? "Chinatown?" suggests someone. "Costco?" "Butcher Boys." Tracy pulls his phone from a pocket. "Hello, I'm from the university" - the catchall preamble for unorthodox inquiries.

Mary Roach

Funny Butcher Sayings #1393716
#23. He had noticed my bandaged hand.
"An accident," Warthrop said tersely.
"Dr. Warthrop chopped off my finger with a butcher knife."
Von Helrung's brow knotted up in confusion. "By accident?"
"No," I answered. "That part was on purpose.

Rick Yancey

Funny Butcher Sayings #1409599
#24. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Butcher Sayings #1434221
#25. Fear is a funny thing. In the right light, even tiny and insignificant fears can suddenly grow, swelling up to monstrous proportions.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1482110
#26. Kestus idly added theoretical torture to the theoretical murder, because done right, it might be funny.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1499123
#27. What the hell kind of Hell was this supposed to be?

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1641306
#28. Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1644663
#29. In the void, there is no distinction of east and west."
Gwen blinked slightly at that. "I know all of those words, and yet when strung together like that I have no idea what they mean.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1676932
#30. Okay. Take a peek, but I swear if you try anything funny, I'll beat your head in with my flashlight.

Shannon K. Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1713784
#31. They always have good coffee here," Ebenezar said a few moments later. "And they don't call it funny names," I said. "It's just coffee. Not frappalattegrandechino.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1802600
#32. He was wrong, that doesn't make him a villian. That makes him an asshole.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1824090
#33. Tropical trees had been planted throughout the room, along with bright flowering plants that were busy committing the olfactory floral equivalent of aggravated assault.

Jim Butcher

Funny Butcher Sayings #1826696

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