Funny Blow Up Quotes

#1. I didn't know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.

Rachel Vincent

#2. No one is safe from Mattera's hard-hitting, meticulously reported, and genuinely funny investigative journalism. CRAPITALISM blows the lid off crony capitalism.

Monica Crowley

#3. I'm good at blowjob.

Lauren Baker

#4. I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

Steven Wright

#5. I wish my nose would blow me for once.

Brian Celio

#6. Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Kristen Schaal

#7. I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.

Mitch Hedberg

#8. Well blow me down with a solar flare.

Nenia Campbell

#9. If all of your friends are morons is it a
felony, a misdemeanor or an act of God if
you blow their fucking heads off with a
thirty-eight magnum?

Bret Easton Ellis

#10. I have only one way to blow the steam off, i make money, you spend money thats funny,now i'm smilling like thats honey

Mohlalefi J Motsima

#11. If you so much as look at her funny, I'll blow your fucking face off. We clear? Good.

Mira Grant

#12. The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.

Denis Leary

#13. Well, Alexander thought, any minute now, one of the girls he had carelessly discarded was going to come by the barracks with a gun and blow his brains out and on his tombstone the epitaph would read, Here lies Alexander, who couldn't remember the name of any girl he had fucked.

Paullina Simons

#14. Who wants to blow up a bridge with me?

Brandon Nolta

#15. Jesus, Martin, what the hell do I pay you for?"
"My good looks, the occasional blow job, and my constant supply of Jim Beam."
"You've never given me a blow job."
"True, but you've fantasized about it.

Adrienne Wilder

#16. A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

Henny Youngman

#17. He took a meditative puff on his stogy, and informed himself that time was a funny thing. Old Man Time just walked along, and he didn't even blow a How-do-you-do through his whiskers. He just walked on past you. Things just change.

James T. Farrell

#18. Bursting into flame would definitely blow my cover.

Rob Thomas

#19. What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.

Stephenie Meyer

#20. I've never met anyone as quietly brave and strong as you. I've never met a woman so unassuming, so kind, and so selfless. You are a complex lady." His mouth curled up at the corners. "And you are smart, and passionate, and funny, and exciting, and you blow me fucking away.

Samantha Young

#21. The policemen agreed they were living with a most peculiar fellow. One moment he was reading classical literature in the original French and quoting Tennyson, and the next he would be discussing the best way to blow up a train.

Ben Macintyre

#22. That was a mean thought, and not funny at all. I let it turn to sand and blow out of my head.

Christopher Buehlman

#23. Still nothing," Raven answered "This is shitty. We are going to have to invest in heat sensors. These motion detectors blow Satan's left nut.

Gabrielle Evans

#24. You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you?

Meg Cabot

#25. Funny how easily you could look this shit up online. Explosives, bombs, Molotov cocktails, IEDs . . . anything you wanted. Learning how to blow someone up was easier than buying a frigging beer.

Lauren Oliver

#26. I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth.

Ana Claudia Antunes

#27. I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Bill Hicks

#28. You mean she doesn't intend to blow me up before the ceremony?" said Kai,taking the box."How disappointing.

Marissa Meyer

#29. I hate watching people blow all operational security, and spew their guts like a teenage burglar, drunk in a bar. We're professionals, for Christ's sake, and she's just a prole.

Bruce Sterling

#30. Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's going right And life has a funny way of helping you out when You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face

Alanis Morissette

#31. Do you remember the pattern, Livia?"
"Blow ... lick ... bite." Livia wanted to say something cute, something funny, but he licked his lips and she forgot how to make any more words.

Debra Anastasia

#32. By the light," he said, when he had mastered himself. "I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars.

Alison Croggon

#33. He can blow the flute very well-that 'a can,' said a young married man, who having no individuality worth mentioning was known as 'Susan Tall's husband.

Thomas Hardy

#34. Leave me alone, or I will shoot," a woman's husky voice rang out through the broken window. "I'm not too afraid to blow your ass right back to whatever hell you come from.

Rose Wynters

#35. His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

Rodney Dangerfield