Funny Bill Engvall Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 23 famous quotes and sayings about funny bill engvall to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 23 Funny Bill Engvall Quotes

#1. I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake. - Author: Bill Engvall
Funny Bill Engvall Quotes #817854
#2. I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations." - Author: Bill Engvall
Funny Bill Engvall Quotes #1737991
#3. He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot." - Author: Bill Engvall
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#4. Leaves turned to soil beneath my feet. Thus it is, trees eat themselves. - Author: David Mitchell
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#5. People ate bread made of the shells of peas because there was no flour. - Author: Bel Kaufman
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#6. Through your rags I see your vanity. - Author: Socrates
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#7. It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#8. No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#9. I dream of acting with Kevin Costner. I would love to do a movie with him. Not something funny, but a dramatic role. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#10. I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#11. I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#12. As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed "Hey! I'd better not see this on YouTube!" - Author: Bill Engvall
Funny Bill Engvall Quotes #929486
#13. I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#14. There comes a moment when we must choose how we're going to love someone. Some forms of love leave a sweet memory once they're gone, others leave scars. But there are forms that when stolen, destroy part of who we are - love that transforms us. - Author: Caroline George
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#15. Knowing what I know of love, I hang back because I don't like to lie to myself. - Author: Anne Parillaud
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#16. Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass ... but you just pushed my jackass button. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#17. She said, "I love you, Con," because whatever Jakob believed about those three words, they still mattered to Harper. They were as close to an incantation as any she knew, had power other words lacked. "I'll - Author: Joe Hill
Funny Bill Engvall Quotes #559676
#18. That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men - Author: Bill Engvall
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#19. For we always seem to ourselves righteous and upright and wise and holy - this pride is innate in all of us - unless by clear proofs we stand convinced of our own unrighteousness, foulness, folly, and impurity. - Author: John Calvin
Funny Bill Engvall Quotes #284453
#20. You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!". - Author: Bill Engvall
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#21. Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#22. Alex smiled to herself. "I do like the sound of showing Gavin that I was right. - Author: Sarah MacLean
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#23. I do not think that I am a person who cannot be trusted. - Author: Bela Kun
Funny Bill Engvall Quotes #77486

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